Beverly Cummings - Tantric Sex Mini Book
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T HERE ARE LOTS OF KINDS OF GREAT SEX . Over the course of both my personal and professional explorations of sex, I have found a style of sex that satisfies my passion for intensity as well as my desire for connection with both my partner and my inner selfin other words, luxurious sex, or tantric sex.
Luxurious, tantric sex is a way of approaching love and sex that focuses on quality, not quantity. It is a process, not a goal. We all know that some orgasms are prolonged, mind-blowing excursions into ecstasy and others are quiet, brief, and simply pleasant. There is more to be enjoyed when orgasm is the inevitable next step in an already orgasmic process, not the winning goal at the end of a game.
According to the legendary sex researchers Masters and Johnson, there are four phases of human sexual response: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Biologically, here is what happens in each.
Excitement: The excitement phase can last from less than a minute to several hours during which the clitoris, breasts, penis, and testes become engorged with blood. Heart rate and blood pressure increase. A mans penis becomes erect or partially erect and the testes elevate. In women, the clitoral shaft grows larger, the outer labia separate, and the inner labia enlarge, sometimes becoming darker in color. Women produce a little or a lot of lubrication.
Plateau: Everything that happens during the excitement phase continues, becoming more and more intense. Sexual tension continues to grow as orgasm approaches. Both men and women will usually make involuntary sounds.
Orgasm: Orgasm is the shortest phase of the cycle, typically lasting only several seconds. Men usually experience orgasm and ejaculation simultaneously, but not always. When a woman orgasms, the uterus and pelvic floor contract in rhythmic waves of muscular movement.
Resolution: If there is no additional stimulation, the resolution phase begins immediately after orgasm. In the resolution phase, the body returns to its original, nonexcited state.
Tantra originated in India in the early centuries CE as a spiritual and social alternative to the popular religions of the day: Hinduism and Buddhism. Tantra promised enlightenment in a single lifetime to those who cultivated, rather than avoided, pleasure, vision, and ecstasy. In the Tantric view of the creation of the world, Shiva, the god of pure consciousness, joins in sexual love with Shakti, the goddess of pure energy, giving birth to the world. Thus, Tantra views life, love, and sex as ongoing processes of creation on all levels at all times. In Tantra, sex is not an action. Sex is an energy that exists on its own. Energy follows thought. Once sexual energy is in motion, you can use breath, touch, sound, and movement to build it and ride it like a wave.
Masters and Johnsons four-phase model of sexual response has been used to reinforce a goal-oriented sexual style. In Tantra, when we focus not on the goal of orgasm but on excitement and arousal, we are capable of longer, more intense, or multiple orgasms, orgasms without ejaculation, and even energy orgasms. The longer you stay in the excitement phase, the more hormones and endorphins are secreted by your glands, producing altered states of consciousness that can last for a long time, even after orgasm occurs. You can transcend thought and enter a world of pure sensation. In short, tantric sex can lead to a powerful and healthy natural high that can benefit your emotional, physical, and spiritual life.
The first step to more luxurious sex is mindfulness. All mindfulness means is attention to each successive moment. Mindfulness is not multitasking. Adrenaline does not nourish us; it eventually burns us out. Mindfulness is its own reward.
Try this technique, ideally outdoors or facing a window. Stand with feet hip distance apart. Feel the ground through your feet. Keep your eyes open. Smile. Just be. Notice what you see and how you feel. Breathe. Now make a small movement with your feet. Notice all the changes that have occurred in what you now observe, even though the movement you made was very small. Mindfulness can magnify the smallest of actions.
The essence of tantra is not in making huge changes. It is in noticing, appreciating, and maximizing the smallest of changes. The key to doing this is slowing down. One of the best ways to practice this is through meditation. Meditation is simply the technique of calming the mind to access energy and insight. The nonanalytic, receptive state of meditation relieves pain and stress, boosts your immune system, and awakens your intuition.
Try this three-minute heart meditation: Find a comfortable spot away from the distractions. Get comfortable. Snuggle into your favorite chair, get into a sensuous hot bath, or just sit in a favorite spot in your garden. Relax your body. Inhale slowly. Exhale slowly. Place your hand on your heart. Concentrate on something you love. It could be a person, a place, or a memory. Breathe that feeling of love into your heart. Keep your attention focused on your breath and your heart. If outside thoughts come up, dont engage them, just notice them and let them float away. Notice any sensations that happen in your heart center. You might feel warmth, coolness, vibrations, tingling, expansion, security, compassion, or bliss. Let the feeling expand and flow out through your body. Dont worry if you dont feel anything at first. The point is not to feel anything specific but to just be still and authentic. When you can allow your body to be still and your mind to be quiet, your senses open. Mind chatter is like a white-noise machineit can keep you from experiencing all manner of exquisite sensations, especially in lovemaking.
Meditation teaches mindfulness. Mindfulness produces more mindfulness, which, in sex, leads to more bliss. As in meditation, it is not difficult to practice mindfulness in sex. You can appreciate each present moment by keeping your attention focused on an intention. For example, your intention may be to give your partner pleasure with your hands in a sensuous massage. In this case you would keep your attention on your hands and on the response your lovers body gives you as you caress her. When you slow down and put your attention where your intention is, you will be able to build and circulate more sexual energy than you ever imagined.
Attentiveness to intention also helps us break the mindless, hurried sexual habits we have all accumulated over time. Most of these habits relate to goals and expectations, such as that a kiss will lead to sex or that orgasm is the necessary climax of every sexual encounter. When we focus on building extended states of intense arousal, there are no goals. Climax becomes a process. Emphasizing the excitement phase of lovemaking is like climbing a staircase to heaven. On each floor you experience a new level of pleasure that nourishes you, transforms you, and prepares you for the next level. When the excitement phase is prolonged, the other stages of sexplateau, orgasm, and resolutionare more profound and occur automatically. The orgasm produced in this way is more intense and the resolution phase is longer and deeper. You can try a version of this right now.
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