Stan Jones - Facing the Facts

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Facing the Facts: The Truth about Sex and You

Copyright 1995, 2007, 2019 by Jones Education Consultation & Formation, Inc. All rights reserved.

A NavPress resource published in alliance with Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

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The Team for the Third Edition:

Don Pape, Publisher

Heather Maryse Campbell, Developmental Editor and Copy Editor

Jennifer Ghionzoli, Designer

Cover and interior illustrations of birds, bees, and vine copyright mightyisland/Getty Images. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible), English Standard Version, copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Some of the anecdotal illustrations in this book are true to life and are included with the permission of the persons involved. All other illustrations are composites of real situations, and any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental.

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Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-63146-948-0

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TO JENNIFER & BRIAN

WE OFFER HEARTFELT THANKS TO the many parents who have shared their stories and perspectives, praise, and disagreements about the content of the five-book Gods Design for Sex series as we have spoken and taught about this subject around the country and around the world. Some of your stories have made it into the revised versions of these books!

We remain thankful for our friends mentioned in previous editions, with whom we shared the joys and travails of the journey of parenting our young children through to adulthood and with whom we shared enriching dialogue about the ideas in this book. Continuing thanks also to thirteen generations of graduate students in Stans Human Sexuality summer course (198395), whose insightfulness, openness, and inquisitiveness so enriched our understanding of sexuality, and whose stories of how they learned (or mostly not) about sexuality in their families were an inspiration for these books. Revisions to the second-edition childrens books were enriched by the professional reviews of Steve Gerali and Elaine Roberts; special thanks to Susan Martins Miller for her editorial expertise on that edition.

As we prepare the third edition of these books, there are many whose help we are grateful to acknowledge: We owe special thanks to Wheaton College for its support of the scholarship of its faculty, particularly in the form of a spring 2017 sabbatical. Stan was encouraged in 2011 by the opportunity and invitation by the editors of Christianity Today to share the essence of our approach in the pages of that important journal. Emily Verseveldt served as an outstanding graduate research assistant 201415, gathering and updating a great deal of material for the How and When book; Emily, you are a model of organization and resourcefulness. Thanks also to Amy Smith, who has served as Stans research assistant since 2017 and provided additional research and critical proofreading. Dr. Glynn Harrison, professor emeritus of psychiatry at University of Bristol, gave us the enormous gift of his review of and suggestions for the entire five-book series, for which he has our everlasting gratitude.

Each of our childrens books benefited greatly from the editorial wisdom of Cathy Davis (for the original versions), Susan Martins Miller and Elaine Roberts (for the second edition), and, most lately, Caitlyn Carlson (for this third edition). Thanks to Steve Gerali for his careful review of the first edition of Facing the Facts and to Keith and Dawn Hartsell, Peter and Elizabeth Hubbard, and Tim Lieuwen and family for their thoughtful comments on the current revision. Special thanks for their careful review of the entire Facing the Facts revised book manuscript to Dr. Ted Witzig Jr., his daughter Coreena, and his professional colleague Brian Sutter at Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. Ted, the Holy Spirit certainly prompted your continuing involvement.

We are pleased to welcome Dr. Mark and Lori Yarhouse as current reviewers and future collaborators on this book series. Stan had the honor of contributing to Marks training in clinical psychology at the masters and doctoral levels at Wheaton College, and together they have coauthored a number of articles and books. Since leaving Wheaton, Mark has established a distinguished career as perhaps the most prominent Christian psychological researcher in human sexuality in the world. Lori has invested her energies with Mark in parenting and homeschooling their three children. Our intent is that they will progressively become more involved with future revisions of the series. No one deserves deeper thanks than the Yarhouses for their extraordinarily helpful review of the entire five-book Gods Design for Sex series in both the second and third revisions.

Special thanks to our NavPress editor, Caitlyn Carlson, and the publisher of NavPress, Don Pape, for your wisdom, friendship, and tremendous support. We are grateful as well for the partnership between NavPress and Tyndale House Publishers.

Finally, we want to express our deep love, appreciation, and pride for our three (now adult) children. Thank you for being our initial living laboratory for working out these ideas, for the shape and texture of your lives today, and for being so thoughtful, strong, and loving. Thank you for the wonderful spouses you brought into our family, whom we love as our own children, and for our dear grandchildren. You have, together and individually, enriched our lives far beyond what we ever could have imagined.

Stanton L. Jones, How to Teach Sex: Seven Realities Christians in Every Congregation Need to Know, Christianity Today 55, no. 1 (January 2011): 3439.

General Introduction to the Gods Design for Sex Series

PARENTS, GOD GAVE YOU your sexuality as a precious gift. And youre reading this book because God has given you a child you love as a gift flowing from your sexuality.

God gave your child the gift of sexuality as well. If handled responsibly, this gift will be a source of blessing and delight. How can parents help make this happen?

Many forces will push children to make bad choices about sex based on false beliefs and values and on misplaced spiritual priorities. These forces are more powerful, confusing, persuasive, and ever present today than ever in history, thanks to the power of social media and the confusion of our culture. From their earliest years, children are bombarded with destructive, misleading messagesmessages about the nature of sexual intimacy, about marriage, about family, about the boundaries of godly sexual expression, and even about the basic creational design of humanity as male and female.