Aniruddha Mahale - GET OUT: The Gay Mans Guide to Coming Out and Going Out

Dedicated to all the men whove wondered if
I am writing about them.
I am.

Disclaimer

Before you dive-deep into this book and get lost in its many pages, heres a quick reminder that this is not a self-help book. It might sound like a self-help book. It might look like a self-help book. It might even call itself a self-help book once or twice but its probably drunk, lying or mistaken.

The contents of this book are solely based on the authors dating misadventures lived experiences (and the occasional anecdote he might have been told by an unsuspecting date). What might have worked for him might not work for you. Its pure science: just as two snowflakes are never alike, two gay men will never live the same story (side note: its probably not great advice to call gay men snowflakes because its a derogatory term. See, I did tell you that you cant take this book seriously).

The author would also like you to know that he has many red flags (writing funny books is not one of them) and you should take everything he says with a pinch of salt. Just a pinch though. He doesnt want you to develop hypertension or high blood pressure.

Contents

Hello there, beautiful person who enjoys reading dating books. Welcome to the most comprehensive one yet. If you picked this book up because it has a gorgeous cover and you thought it would make for a great read, then I hate to break it to you, but CONGRATULATIONS! You made the right choice!

Or, like most others, if you gave it a sneak peek because it looks like a guide for queer men and you thought you needed that little nudge to go live your best gay life this side of the Indian Ocean, then CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN! You are really getting good at this.

Down the nearest shot you find, because you deserve it. (If you dont find any alcohol within arms length, or are a minor (or choose to not make the mistakes I made dont drink) just grab a glass of water. Most guides will not tell you how important it is to get your daily quote of H2O, but LESSON #1 hydration is the key to mental and physical fitness. I told you this book was different, didnt I? Youre already learning new things.)

Now that youve got your daily reminder to drink more water finished your first lesson, lets not test your patience and dive right in. Are you ready?

This ones going to be a fun read.

A Personal Note from the Writers Desk: Why Do You Need This Book, Boys?

Ive always had a lot of questions in my head.

Is ketchup better than mustard? Did man really walk on the moon? How do you eat crme brule? Should I really have that fourth cup of espresso? Whats twenty-nine times seventy-two? Are gay men any different from the straight ones? Does true love exist for either?

Lets set something straight.

Unlike the typical gay stereotype, I might not know the right spoon to eat my crme brule with (just pick a damn spoon), or what colour shirt goes with a leather jacket (most people have you at the leather jacket), but I do know that when it comes to finding love, the entire concept of the One is a myth therell be a Two, Three or Four, and probably more. It will work out with some of them, and sometimes it will not. (Side note: White shirts work with everything.)

Sound familiar, my straight-brethen-who-are-sneaking-a-peek-at-this-introduction-when-their-friends-arent-looking?

WELL, DUH. It obviously does, because LESSON #2: there is no difference between gay and straight folks when it comes to romance, sex or relationships.

Some men love women. Some men love men. Some men love men and women. Some men love minds. Some men love souls. Some men love everyone. Some men love no one. Love is love is love. Heartbreak is heartbreak is heartbreak. Theres no mathematical formula, no chemical reaction that must be balanced to find true, eternal love. No LHS = RHS when it comes to making a connection. Contrary to popular belief and popular magazines, dating isnt easy for anybody. Put simply, its tough.

Think about it. Spending hours trudging through traffic to reach your date, only to trudge through hours of monotonous conversation. Picking the right clothes to make the best first impression, but having no luck getting picked up at the bar. Text-dancing with a man for months with no end goal in sight, when you can be dancing to the latest Bollywood remix at your favourite club. Dating is, if youve been paying attention to what I just said, tough. So what do we do? Do we just give up and start following meme accounts? Or worse, start a meme account?

Why hello, boys. Youve come to the right place.

But What Makes Me the Expert?

Why should we listen to you? gay men will yell. How are you different from every other dating blog out there?

I agree. Dating blogs and relationship columns are all the same. Formulas to find love. Rules of a relationship. Hacks to get over heartbreak. The dos and donts of dating. Lists and lists of information meant to increase your chances of lucking out. Yada yada, youve reached the limit of your patience (much before you reach the end of this book).

We all get it. Dating can be awkward and exasperating, and if you could fall in love just by reading a book, the world wouldnt need Disneys live-action fairy tales. So why should you listen to me (or read my book)? What makes me the expert?

Heres where I tell you a tiny little secret, reader. I have extremely credible on-the-field research on my side. Over the past nine years, Ive been on a total of sixty-nine first dates (there were many, many more, but I had to stick to the ones that follow because these have the funniest best highlights), and I can safely say that Ive seen the world (and the insides of its pants). Was it fun? Was it sad? Was it exciting? Was it disturbing? Was it a constant trip to the STD clinic? Or the therapists couch?

Honestly, it has been one giant adventure (but thankfully, not one thats taken me to the urologist). Each date was a different story. There were good dates. There were bad dates. There were fantastic dates. There were dates that could have been something more, and dates that should have been avoided altogether.

There were writers and there were stylists. There were designers and there were actors. There were photographers, chefs and lawyers. There were socialites, editors and expats. There were consultants, entrepreneurs and bankers. There was a whirlwind of artists. There was the occasional model, as well as a couple of men I cant name without the fear of being sued. But wait is this a book or my personal LinkedIn profile?

Well no, because there were also a couple of psychopaths. Each date left behind a lesson; a little parting gift personal insights that I got to take back home and frame on my enormous wall of case studies fantastic dates. The stylists taught me how to dress. The teachers taught me how to behave. The actors taught me how to be attractive. The writers taught me how to talk attractive. The models taught me how to walk attractive. The entrepreneurs taught me what to say. The editors taught me what I shouldnt say. The socialites taught me how to charm. The lawyers taught me how to bail myself out. The optimists taught me why I need to believe in myself. The pessimists taught why we need this book.

When you go on so many dates with so many (mostly nice and gorgeous) men, you sort of