Andrew G. Marshall - Make Love Like a Prairie Vole: Six Steps to Passionate, Plentiful and Monogamous Sex

Week Nine Partner A Chooses. Flip a coin and decide who goes first and takes charge of your sex life. Everything from your past styles of lovemaking is on the menu again including intercourse but Partner A can come up with something new that has not been done before or not for a long time. Partner B will give this idea his or her full consideration and try and find a way of incorporating it either in full or in part. It is worth noting that this is an experiment and agreeing to try something is not tantamount to signing up for this activity for life. Afterwards, discuss what you enjoyed and what elements you would like to continue using.

Week Ten Partner B Chooses. It is Partner Bs chance to introduce something new into the relationship and for Partner A to try and embrace the idea. This is your chance to show your partner something new about your sexuality. How could you invite your partner into your journey of discovery? Finish off with another discussion and how you can use this new knowledge.

The aim of this part of my programme is to make lovemaking more varied and to allow you to see your partner in a new light. For many couples, there is just one destination: full genital intercourse. This creates two problems. First, knowing where something ends is not only predictable but also promotes boredom. Second, the stakes are raised and initiating lovemaking becomes riskier. In the split second after one partner starts fondling the others thigh or whatever signal for sex is used the second partner has to make an instant calculation. Does he or she fancy intercourse? Can he get an erection? Can she be bothered? More times than not, the answer is no.

However, if a hand sneaking across the bed is an invitation to a range of sexual possibilities from cuddling at one end through to intercourse at the other, the chance of a positive result is significantly increased. Across the next two weeks, you have the opportunity to extend your range of sexual options:

Week One: Different Strokes

Start with the usual combination of sensual pleasuring and kissing with one partner being the toucher and the other the touchee.

However, this time, the touchee should start to play with his or her own genitals as he or she begins to be turned on demonstrating what he or she likes.

The toucher puts his or her hand over their partners, so that he or she can understand the rhythm and style that is most enjoyed.

After a couple of minutes of shadowing with the touchers hand over the touchees, the toucher takes control and masturbates their partner.

Experiment with different ways to give your partner pleasure, slow down and drive him or her wild, then speed up and increase the intensity.

Finish off by giving your partner an orgasm, if he or she wishes but please treat an orgasm as an optional extra rather than the goal of this exercise.

Switch places and the toucher becomes the touchee.

Week Two: Oral Sex

Some people find oral sex a problem because they are worried about cleanliness. So this weeks activities starts in the shower together. Spend time soaping each other down, cleaning each others hair and finally washing each others genitals.

This last part allows you to ensure that your partner is clean but showering together can also be fun in its own right.

If you are the toucher, start with pleasuring your partners whole body before fondling his or her genitals.

Making love should not always be such a serious business! Some couples build up to oral sex by garnishing each others genitals with fruit or ice cream.

When receiving oral sex, the touchee can guide their partners head but please do not give verbal feedback.

If the touchee wishes, you can finish by giving him or her an orgasm either orally or, if you prefer, manually.

Swap over and repeat.

In the early stages of my programme, you escaped from all or nothing by enjoying cuddling for its own sake which helps with the stress of twenty-four-hour life as youre seldom too tired for kissing and cuddling. Once into this sensual world, you could be ready for much more and with the Fortnight of Variety, you have added extra sexual destinations and the foundations for delving deeper into what you both enjoy. After you have completed these exercises, you are ready if you have not done so already to remove the ban on intercourse.

Week Seven Different Strokes. Start with the usual sensual touching and kissing to get into the mood for being sexual together. After a while, once the touchee is in the mood, he or she starts to play with his or her genitals. The toucher watches and then puts his or her hands over the touchees and shadows the style and type of masturbation. Finally, the toucher takes over and masturbates the touchee. Afterwards, switch over roles.

Week Eight Oral Sex. Start this exercise by having a shower or bath together and thoroughly wash each others genitals. The toucher builds from sensual touching to fondling genitals and graduating to using tongue, lips and mouth to give pleasure. Finally, the toucher brings the touchee to orgasm either orally or manually (or using a vibrator). Afterwards, swap over and the toucher becomes the touchee.

Up to this point, you have ignored your genitals, but now they are about to take centre stage. Some people find this rather uncomfortable particularly if they prefer their lovemaking under the bedclothes. Stephanie, forty-two, had pursed her lips when I outlined this next task: It all sounds rather dirty. At which point, I quoted Woody Allen: Is sex dirty? Only if its done right. By this I mean we have to make peace with and enjoy every part of our bodies before we can abandon ourselves to being passionate.

Week One: Show and Tell Part One.

Before you start touching each others genitals, you need to look at your own really look at them.

Stand alone naked in front of a full-length mirror and look at your reflection. If you dont have a mirror that shows at least head to knees, its probably time to buy one.

Take a full inventory of what you like about your body say it out loud or write it down.

This is a hard task partly because we have been trained from earliest childhood not to be big-headed and partly because we only see images of perfect bodies in the media (which have normally been airbrushed or altered). Women find this task difficult, especially if they bond with friends by running down parts of their own or other womens bodies.

Look again at your reflection and aim for five good things. For example, Stephanie reported: I have a cute belly button and my bottom has a nice curve but... I could tell she was about to add something negative, so I stopped her. This is not about what could be changed or improved. It is five things that you like . Finally Stephanie added her nipples, her fingers and her long neck. She started crying: Thats probably the first time Ive ever looked at myself without adding but... Why am I so hard on myself?

Next focus on your genitals. For men, look at your perineum (the sensitive ridge between your anus and scrotum). Cup your testicles and feel their weight. Roll back your foreskin, if you have one. Look at the tip of your penis, squeeze it and watch how it opens and closes. For women, spread your labia majora (the outer lips of your vagina) and peer inside. Pull back the hood from your clitoris and examine it as closely as possible. A large number of women, like Stephanie, go through life without examining this sensitive spot. (A hand mirror might help.) Stephanie found this a revelation: It wasnt dirty after all. In fact, it was really rather pink and pretty.

Week One: Show and Tell Part Two

Later in the week, the two of you should stand together naked in front of the mirror.

Flip a coin to decide who talks first, the winner goes through all the things about her or his body that he or she likes. Talk about your genitals, too, and show some of the discoveries. Maybe you will need the hand mirror to show the more intimate or overlooked parts of your bodies. Give your partner a tour preferably with a running commentary.