Wendy Shalit - The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-Esteem and High Standards

Copyright 2007 by Wendy Shalit

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

B ALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Originally published in hardcover in the United States by Random House,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of
Random House, Inc., in 2007, under the title Girls Gone Mild.

eISBN: 978-0-307-78921-1

www.ballantinebooks.com

v3.1_r1

For my husband,
who makes being good seem so easy

See, cursing was cool when nobody was doing it. Or just a couple people. Like, if everybody wears the same clothes, then its, you knowit aint cool no more. Youre trying to be different. One cant be different by being racy today. Its not interesting anymore. See, sexiness was in the mind. It was in your imagination. When you lose that, then its just old skin.

P RINCE on Tavis Smiley, February 19, 2004

Every revolution was first a thought in one mans mind.

R ALPH W ALDO E MERSON , 1841

T he journey were about to go on is a tale of paradox and unintended consequences. It is about how we can be sexually liberated and at the same time emotionally stifledconnected with a touch of a computer mouse to anyone on the globe, and yet often lacking genuine friendship. Well-meaning experts and parents say that they understand kids wanting to be bad instead of good. Yet this reversal of adults expectations is often experienced not as a gift of freedom but as a new kind of oppression.

To find out why, my book draws on over 100 in-depth interviews I conducted with girls and young women, ages twelve to twenty-eight; fifteen interviews with young men; and over 3,000 e-mail exchanges with young people who wrote to me or my website, ModestyZone.net, during the years 19992006. These individuals came from diverse racial, economic, and religious backgrounds. Some identified themselves as liberal, others as conservative. Some of the young women called themselves feminists while others were uncomfortable with the term. But the one thing I heard over and over was how desperate they were for a new set of role models.

Since those who contact me are obviously a self-selected bunch, I made an effort to seek out others who did not share my views in order to better understand their perspective. I found forty-two individuals through news stories, on planes, and sometimes just hanging out at malls. Ten were parents. I also spoke with counselors, psychiatrists, and sociologists from around the country; attended conventions on abstinence in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.; and visited a high school on Long Island that had canceled its prom. As I swam deeper into the subject of this book, I grew bolder, even going undercover at a Cuddle Partyalthough I cant disclose where, since Cuddle Parties are rather secretive (see ).

What does liberation mean to you? In her excellent book Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy introduces us to nineteen-year-old Debbie, who experiences regret after doing a scene for a Girls Gone Wild video. Her regret was not that the producer, Joe Francis, has made millions by using girls like her, while all she got for disrobing was a T-shirt. Nor did she regret (as others have regretted) that she was encouraged to masturbate on camera. Rather, Debbie was upset about not doing it right when, for some reason beyond her grasp, she couldnt get excited during the proceedings. I found this detail particularly sad. Debbie doesnt realize something basic: Women are typically paid to appear in pornography precisely because being a sexual object for strangers is not usually fun. Like many young women today, Debbie is publicly sexual while remaining utterly alienated from her own sexuality.

This book is about my search for an alternative to our Girls Gone Wild culture. Its about finding a way to acknowledge sexuality without having to share it with strangers. Its about rediscovering our capacity for innocence, for wonder, and for being touched profoundly by others. My goal is not to attack those who want to be wild, but rather to expand the range of options for young people, who I believe are suffering because of the limited choices available to them.
Warm regards,
W ENDY S HALIT

Youve gotta look hotter than hot! Show what youve got! Ready or not!

lead song from Bratz Babyz: The Movie, September 2006

O n television, cartoon baby girls shimmy in their underpants as our wide-eyed toddler multitasks, sucking on her pink floral pacifier and learning to flirt at the same time. She may not be potty-trained, but soon she will know just how to flutter her eyelashes and sway her hips suggestively. She has studied, over and over, her favorite part of the Bratz DVD, where strobe lights flash and the Babyz coo about looking hotter than hot! and showing what youve got.

Ready or not? One ventures to guessnot.

These days when you walk into a toy store, its not clear whether you actually made it to the store or accidentally landed in a red-light district. A friend recently had a baby, so I went to buy a doll for the babys older sister, since everyone knows that its crucial to pacify the older sibling. At the precise moment, no doubt, that the girl was feeling appalled by the arrival of her baby brother, I was reeling from shock at the stores section for girls. For one thing, I was greeted by the melodious strains of When I get that feeling, that sexual feeling piped through the speakers. In the doll section, only dolls in tight-fitting, provocative outfits stared out at me, all wearing heavy makeup and self-satisfied, flirty expressions. The young sprite browsing next to me, who looked about seven years old, wore a purple cropped top and peep-toe wedges with heels two inches highan outfit that seemed to mock the very idea of finding a suitable doll for a little girl.

Bratz Babyz makes a Babyz Nite Out doll garbed in fishnet stockings, a hot-pink micromini, and a black leather belt. To look funkalish (whatever that means), the baby also sports a tummy-flaunting black tank paired with a hot-pink cap. Dare one ask what is planned for Babyz Nite Out and what, exactly, she is carrying in her metal-studded purse? Is it pacifiers, or condoms? It might be both: These Babyz demand to be lookin good on the street, at the beach, or chillin in the crib! The dolls are officially for ages four-plus, but they are very popular among two- and three-year-old girls as well.