Misti B. - If You Leave Me, Can I Come with You?: Daily Meditations for Codependents and Al-Anons . . . with a Sense of Humor

If You Leave Me, Can I Come with You?

Daily Meditations for Codependents and Al-Anons (with a Sense of Humor)

Misti B.

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org/bookstore

2015 by Misti B.

All rights reserved. Published 2015.

Printed in the United States of America

No part of this publication, either print or electronic, may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

ISBN: 978-1-61649-615-9 (softcover)

ISBN: 978-1-61649-617-3 (ebook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the Library of Congress.

Editors Notes

This book was formerly titled If You Leave Me, Can I Come with You? 365 Humorous Daily Meditations for Al-Anons and Codependents.

In the process of being reissued in 2021, If You Leave Me, Can I Come with You? has undergone minor editing updates.

The Checklist for Maturity quoted on pp. refers to A Checklist for Evaluating Our Maturity in Alcoholism, the Family Disease (Virginia Beach, VA: Al-Anon Family Groups, 2005).

Cover design: Theresa Jaeger Gedig

For Mom and Dad, with whom the journey began. May you be at peace.

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

I decided to write this book for no other reason than to keep myself from losing my mind after having bottomed out emotionally in Al-Anon. I started writing stories about recovery and reading them to my friends, who encouraged me to put them in print.

I believe it is possible to find happiness and joy on the road to recovery. And although my Al-Anon home group is rife with laughter, Ive been to some meetings where, well, theres not a lot of smiling going on. I wrote these meditations for those who might feel a need for more humorand who couldnt use more laughter?

Id like to thank everyone who has participated in my recovery, in particular my sponsor, Corinne, and those special friends in the program whove taken my (many) calls and loved me on this journey. I owe you so much more than Ill ever be able to return.

Thank you, God, for giving me the words. You have never failed me.

In spite of myself,

Misti B.

Al-Anon saved my life. For someone like me who tends to embellish, I promise thats not an exaggeration.

Ill spare you the gory details, because if you continue reading youll find out soon enough, but also because people seldom read book introductions. I mean, what is there to say, really? I could cut and paste a paragraph from Charles Dickenss A Tale of Two Cities here and no one would even notice. But I strive to live a program of rigorous honesty, so I wont do that.

What you really want to know is: Why should you read this book?

Well lets face it, we codependents and Al-Anons arent especially known for our humor. (Go ahead, do an online search for Al-Anon or codependent and humor or funny.) While I identify as an Al-Anon, I include codependents in the title because theyll definitely relate.

As the silent sufferersthe hall monitorsof the recovery community, Al-Anon and codependent lives are the stuff of country music lyrics. Weve got a reputation for taking the fun out of a party and popping all the balloons afterward.

Until now.

If You Leave Me, Can I Come with You? was written to bring humor to anyone recovering from the harsh realities of addiction. Its high time we threw a party in honor of our own growth! Alcoholism and other addictions are serious problemsand yet Im totally convinced laughter is a sign of healing.

If this book reaches just one person and gives them some relief, then Ive been of service. Honestly, Id rather it reach millions, but as a codependent Al-Anon, its important for me to keep my expectations at a minimum.

I hope you laugh, or at the very least, smile a bit. And if you dont, please dont be mad at me. I hate it when people are mad at me.

For simplicitys sake, I use the term Al-Anon throughout this book, as it is my primary Twelve Step program, and it has provided much of the inspiration and wisdom that this book offers. However, I include codependents in my definition and descriptions because, while its possible to be codependent without being in a relationship with an alcoholic or an addict, most Al-Anons are codependent, and we share many of the same behaviors and characteristics. Many codependents attend Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) Twelve Step meetings, which share similar insights, principles, and practices with Al-Anon.

Happy New Years Day! Today is the first day of the rest of your life. It truly is the beginning of the beginningunless youre following the Mayan calendar or something. But lets not try to cover all the bases and keep everybody happy. We all know where that leads. For Al-Anons, few other holidays bring this much hope, because today Al-Anons from all walks of life rally to the internal cries of Finally! A chance to fix my life and everyone elses!

The New Year provides Al-Anons the rare opportunity (and a very welcome chance) to offer unsolicited advice to others and to discuss the things we find lacking in our loved ones. We begin with the gentle, totally non-leading question: Speaking of New Years resolutions, do you have any?

If ever there were a day for Al-Anons to cut loose and embrace their need to control everything and everyone around them, it would be today!

New Years is the nationally designated day to turn over a new leaf. Together, we will micromanage the change we want to see in the world. Especially because we arent hung over! Hung up, perhaps, but never, ever hung over.

In spite of myself:

Of course Ill read one hundred books and get him to lose ten pounds by July.

Step #1: We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable.

Early on in recoveryokay, later on as wellI thought my powerlessness would be diminished in time. As in, the more recovered I was, the less powerless I would be over people, places, and things.

Theres a part of me that wants, above anything else in this entire world, to be in control. Of everything. Of myself, you, the nation, the industrial complex, and the European Union. Heck, Id manage the whole darn solar system if I could.

Theres this voice in my head that whispers things like, Someday, youll have it figured out, and youll be able to manage your life. You wont need meetings, and youll be able to lighten up on the whole spiritual part of things.

In reality, I know zero about the worlds economy, I barely passed astronomy in college, and when I look at the results of trying to manage life by myself, its clear I should not be listening to that voice in my head.