Nancy Colier - The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why Youre Feeling Depleted and How to Get What You Need

The Emotionally Exhausted Woman is an invitation for women to reimagine the inner work of self-care as a path of sacred presence. Full of wisdom and inspiration, we are reminded of the creativity, vitality, intelligence, and compassion that are always here/now, expressing the essence of who we are.

Tara Brach , author of Trusting the Gold and Radical Acceptance

Dont be fooled by the size of this slim book. In just 147 mighty pages, Nancy Colier uses her insights as a psychotherapist to shake the comfortable box you live in and expose the roots of your depletion. She teaches you how to finally hang up your Good Girl shoes, proudly own your needs, and mine your inner self for the restorative process you need.

Lesley Jane Seymour , founder of www.coveyclub.com and the Reinvent Yourself with Lesley Jane Seymour podcast, and former editor in chief of Marie Claire and More magazines

Who is taking care of you? is the first line in The Emotionally Exhausted Woman , and with that Nancy Colier takes us on a journey of self-discovery. Once we look inside and feel our feelings, and most of all speak up for ourselves, we can find our true and honest life. A book to savor!

Sharon Salzberg , author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness

There isnt a woman alive who cant relate to this, nodding in agreement and desirous of a better way. Therapist and spiritual teacher Nancy Coliers latest book, The Emotionally Exhausted Woman , is like salve for the soul of the overly exhausted, overly worked, overly stressed modern woman caught in the spin cycle of busyness and bypassing. Beyond bubble baths and green juices, she imparts sage wisdom, insights, and tactical strategies that can be implemented so one can go from depleted to vital and empoweredbody, mind, and spirit. It is an invitation to exhale and connect to our best selves in a healing and impactful way. Take her hand.

Kristen Noel , editor in chief of Best Self Magazine

This book will change how you live! If youre exhausted from taking care of everyone elses needs; depleted from feeling like you always having to be likable; if youve lost touch with what you really want and need. With compassion, insight, and humor, Nancy Colier empowers us to stand in our own shoes, take care of ourselves from the inside out, and live an authentic and truthful life.

Agapi Stassinopoulos , author of Speaking with Spirit

Nancy Colier spoke to all of us women, who were not given the tools and yet given a message that unless we are exhausted beyond repair, we are not doing enough. This book is a game changer for me and for generations to come. A reminder that we are inherently worthy of rest, love, and self-care. A reminder that I am not my productivity.

Tabitha Mpamira , founder of Mutera Global Healing

Truly inspirational. Colier invites us to be fully present, to nurture our deepest selves, and to replace being liked with being truthful as the highest form of self-care.

Daniela Ligiero, PhD , CEO of Together for Girls, and cofounder of the Brave Movement

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

New Harbinger Publications is an employee-owned company.

Copyright 2022 by Nancy Colier

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

All Rights Reserved

Cover design by Sara Christian

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen

Edited by Teja Watson

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

For Juliet, Gretchen, and Frederic

Contents

Introduction:

Whos Taking Care of You?

Whos taking care of you? This one question brings more women to tears than any other question I ask. After the tears, the response that comes is usually a simple no one.

Do you ever feel that no one is taking care of you, and perhaps more importantly, that you are also not caring for yourselfnot in a way thats working? Women from every social, economic, educational, and racial background describe the same condition. Its like having an umbilical cord attached to me, but it only flows one wayout. We spend our lives taking care of everyones needs, playing our roles as caretakers of the world, being good girls, and working on self-improvement, but often at the expense of our own needs being met.

Have you always shown up for everyone in your life, anticipated and filled their needs, carried the emotional load, given everything you have emotionally, physically, and spirituallygiven down to your bone marrowand in the process, abandoned your own needs and turned away from something authentic and vital in you? Are you living in a way thats geared, above all else, to being liked? A way of being, essentially, thats missing you and what you need to be the truest expression of yourself.

It can take a long time to become aware of emotional exhaustion, and by the time you do, you may have developed a host of strategies for coping with it or anesthetizing yourself so you dont have to feel it. You may have even accepted at some level that your needs are not going to be met and youre not going to get to be you in any satisfying way, and that maybe thats just the way it is.

So, what are these needs that are not being met; what are we not getting thats resulting in our chronic exhaustion? While every woman has different desires and yearnings, there are certain needs that, when unrealized, create the emotional exhaustion and disconnection from self thats the normal state for so many of us.

As human beings, regardless of gender or identity, we share a longing to feel seen and known. And more specifically, to be seen and known not just for what we do and provide for others, but for who we genuinely are. We share a desire to live authentically, to be real, such that our outer experience is in alignment with our inner experienceto live a life that feels like our life, a life in which our truth is included.

Finally, and maybe most universally, we all yearn to feel loved and acceptedwithout criticism and judgmentwhich is the essence of feeling truly taken care of. We long for this connection not just from others, but from ourselves. If these needs are not met, or not met well enough, we end up in a state of depletion. As you embark on this journey, take a moment to ask yourself what kind of longing, absence, drive, experience, or burnout has brought you to this book? What hunger is going unfed in you?

Sometimes your emotional exhaustion feels unavoidable and acute. But it can also show up as a kind of wallpaper feeling, a background sense of dissatisfaction and incompletenessan emptiness. You might have a hard time formulating the language to describe your exhaustion, and yet you feel it nonetheless.

What physical exhaustion is to the body, emotional exhaustion is to the heart and spirit. The condition manifests in many different forms: depression, anxiety, frustration, hopelessness, anger, fatigue, addiction, headaches, chronic pain, and insomniaany and all can be manifestations of emotional exhaustion. In order to replenish ourselves and reconnect with our fundamental vitality, we must first understand the cause of our depletion. We cant fix something until we know whats brokencant discover our real strength until we can see whats getting in its way.