Kathleen Richardson - F**k Boy Free: 10 Ways to Repel F**k Boys and Atrract the Man of Your Dreams

Introduction

Pain is something to master, not wallow in.

Anais Nin

What is a F**k Boy?

Before we begin discussing how to be f**k boy free, its important to discuss what a f**k boy is. A f**k Boy is a man who may have one or more of the following qualities at his core:

• Emotional immaturity
• Emotional unavailability
• Irresponsibility
• Lack of direction in life
• Cheats, lies and manipulates
• Physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive
• Non-committal
• Disloyal
• Unreliable
• Undependable
• Financially unstable
• Insecure
• May struggle with various forms of addiction
• Married or involved with multiple women
• Beta male (the opposite of an alpha male)

You may think of other qualities that belong on this list when you reflect on the men you have dated in the past. This list is not exhaustive but provides a general list of f**k boy qualities. It is important to distinguish between a man who is inherently good but is prone to make mistakes (like us), and a f**k boy who ultimately brings more pain than joy to our lives. It is also important to clarify that cheating, or abuse of any sort is not a mistake; it may lend to the determination that a man is indeed a f**k boy. This book is not male bashing or a reason to denigrate men. It is important to understand that f**k boys have their own journey to travel and their own karma to grapple with. Just as they choose to be who they are and behave a certain way, women must decide if they will entertain f**k boys. This is not to excuse f**k boy behavior, but to transcend it. The greatest change in our lives will always occur when the focus is inward rather than outward. It is always easier to change ourselves than it is to change others. Now that we have defined what a f**k boy is, lets get to the discussion on how to be f**k boy free!

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When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change

Unknown

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Epilogue

I am blooming from the wound where I once bled

Rune Lazuli

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Print ISBN: 978-1-54399-083-6

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54399-084-3

Table of Contents

1. Dont Ignore Red Flags:
   You Cannot Change Him

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Ive loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me this has always been enough

Nicholas Sparks

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This book is dedicated to my kindred spirit;
the man who loves me while I continually learn
to love myself more.

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Chapter

Release Your Ex

Whatever life takes from you, let it go

Don Miguel Ruiz

If you are still holding space for the men and relationships from your past, it will be very difficult, if not impossible to attract the man of your dreams. You will struggle to create a loving connection with your kindred spirit if you refuse to cut the energetic cords tied to your ex. It is important to release the emotional clutter that lives in your heart. You must uproot the bitterness, anger and resentment you feel towards the men from your past. Simply declaring that you are over him, doesnt mean that you are. Its been my experience that burying something doesnt mean it died. The man of your dreams cannot find you because there is no space for him in your life and heart. I used to watch the reality show Hoarders from time to time. Each episode chronicles two people who are unable to part with any of their possessions or garbage. The stuff they accumulated took over every part of their home. This made it difficult to walk, move around or even find a place to sleep. Because they refused to let anything go, they ran the risk of eviction, the loss of their families, and some of them have even faced jail time. This is an extreme example, but this is what can happen to our hearts and lives when we refuse to release the stuff from our past relationships. Despite not having any more room, the hoarders always find space for one more piece of junk, knickknack or pet. When we refuse to release the men and emotions from our past relationships, there will always be room for one more f**k boy. He will find himself right at home with all the other garbage in our heart.

I was such a bitter baby mama. I was so angry that my childs father was living what I thought was the life of his dreams. He had no responsibility when it came to caring for our child and I was going into debt to provide for her. I would occasionally rant and rave about how I had to do everything on my own, with absolutely no help from him. While I decided against taking him to court for child support, I still held it against him and began to hate him. While my feelings were partially justified (maybe more than justified), I eventually asked myself was this mindset productive. What was I gaining from this constant exchange of thoughts and ideas in my head? What was I really accomplishing by holding onto negative energy towards him? I decided that instead of complaining about how I had to do everything, I would adopt an attitude of gratitude. I felt gratitude that my child never went without anything that she needed. I had a village that was completely loyal and supportive. I started to show gratitude for my job, my salary, my car, my family and friends, because I was truly blessed. My daughter was healthy and happy. What he did or didnt do started to become irrelevant. Eventually, I became so filled with gratitude, I even began to show gratitude for him Theres no way I can love my daughter and not have a sense of love and respect for the man who provided half her DNA. Sometimes I cant believe what I am saying, especially after everything that he put me through. But there is so much power in releasing and letting go. By releasing my anger and bitterness towards him through gratitude, I was able to remove the negative emotional and energetic space in my heart. This created more than enough room and space for my kindred spirit to enter my life and my heart.

Let him go sis! Your ex-husband, ex-lover, your babys daddy, the man who broke your heart and abandoned you; the man who left you broken, battered, and lonely. Let your attachment to him go. I know he deserves your hatred, bitterness and anger, but you dont deserve it. Its so heavy, so please take it off. One of the things that prevents us from letting go is knowing that we are justified to feel the way we do. If a man cheats on you and leaves you, you have every right to be angry, depressed, sad, hurt, bitter and resentful! But having the right to feel a certain way does not mean you should entertain that feeling. And the question we must ask ourselves is, do we want to be right, or do we want to be healed? Sometimes you cant have both. R. Braut has said, Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got . This is not to minimize the hurt or pain caused by others or make excuses for their poor actions. But we must decide to either hold on or let go. This may prove to be a difficult decision. Often, we find comfort in our justified bitterness and anger. It soothes us to point out what people did or did not do. We find safety in the chip on our shoulders and we learn to carry the burden of our past relationships. We even try to make it look good with beat faces, slayed outfits and stilettos. Anne Wilson Schaef explains it this way: