Dieter Duhm - Eros Unredeemed: The World Power of Sexuality

The World Power ofSexuality

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ISBN: 978-3-927266-13-1

Cover: Drawing by Dieter Duhm

Design: Juliane Paul

Original Title: Der Unerlste Eros, 1991, VerlagMeiga

Translated from the German by Sten Linnander and KateBunney

Aboutthis Book

In a direct and committed language, DieterDuhm describes the state of love in our culture today. He placesthe unsolved issues of jealousy, free love, faithfulness, longing,impotence and morals at the center of the question of truenon-violence and peace. From the experience of free love hedevelops new perspectives for a new way of living, where lovebetween two people no longer excludes free love. He describes thephilosophical and social basis for a culture in which jealousy isno longer a natural law, where sexual desires no longer have to besuppressed and where faithfulness between two lovers no longerbreaks down because of a too narrow vision of love. Knowing loveis the term he uses for the process of developing a culture withoutsexual repression, fear and violence.

Foreword

I have written this book because it wasinevitable. Sexual love had to be viewed and approached fromanother angle. It is the subject of our time, even if the slogansproclaimed about it sometimes sound different. The theme of sexuallonging is the focal point of our inner thoughts and feelings. Morepeople today suffer from a sexuality which they are unable to copewith than from environmental poisons. In whatever area I have beeninvolved in life, whether in revolutionary groups of the studentmovement, in the emerging alternative movement of the seventies, orin my work as professor and therapist, in the end I alwaysencountered this subject. Up to now, the attempts to solve it incommunes or through experiments of free love have failed. Thevarious therapeutic or spiritual approaches have not helped mucheither. The core of the problem is intrinsically linked to ourdaily thought and behavioral patterns. It therefore cannot beviewed or solved while at the same time maintaining these habits.People say that the sexual revolution is over. Inside of ushowever, it has really not yet even begun. The previous attemptswere too disoriented and too emotional to lead to the center of theproblem. At the beginning it does not have to do with revolution,but rather with recognition.

I have written this book for love, even whereI have had to show its dark spots. So that such passages do not gettoo heavy, I have at times chosen a lighter tone. I hope that thebook can be read and understood by all ages. If one does notunderstand everything immediately, it is not so important, since itwill become clear later. I would like to demonstrate that thereexists a realistic possibility for love between the genders whichis free of disguise, fear and jealousy. I would like to encourageall of those readers and lovers who can follow this train ofthought to find this possibility within themselves and to act uponit. If there is a future for us and our children that is worthliving, then it is to be found in a new form of sensual love.

It is not necessary to read the book frombeginning to end. One should begin at the most interesting pointaddressed in the table of contents. Those who find the negativebalance in the first few chapters to be too much should notrestrain from skipping these pages and instead begin by reading themore enjoyable aspects first. By doing so, no important theory willbe missed, since almost every section creates its own context whichis understandable without further explanation. Despite the gravityof the subject, I do not wish the readers of this book any newnightmares, but rather genuine hope and anticipation. Love is nolonger a fairytale; if we understand it, we can make it cometrue.

I dedicate this book to all who love, to allwho are on their way to new shores with hearts ready to love: allwho are seeking true faithfulness which no longer forces anyone tolie. I dedicate it to the children who will come after us, to theanimals and plants that need protection and to comradeship of thehuman being. I dedicate it to the peace workers who do not letthemselves be distracted by over-hasty spiritual slogans andhalf-truths, but instead are ready to face the incorruptibility oflife itself.

In the service of warmth for all that hasskin and fur.

PART I

UNREDEEMED EROS UNREDEEMEDWORLD

Most people are very diligent in their dailystruggle against sexuality. They do their best to hide theirfantasies and desires. They buy proper clothes, make a proper faceand wear a proper hat. They speak about decent things, about wherethey went on vacation for example, about the weather, about goodplaces to eat. Their secret desires at the swimming pool or in thebar are only revealed to their closest friends, if they have any.If they belong to the cultivated classes, then they speak about artor religion or psychoanalysis. They are as serious and deliberateas monks in those old monasteries, who got it on secretly andafterwards had to repress it even more for fear of being caught andpunished. It is outrageous when you think about the effort we maketo appear different than we really are in front of others. We playthe same game, which we call culture, decency, or morality.Couldnt we finally agree on something else? People feel obligatedto conceal very essential things from one another. The whole ofanthropology, which is the science of human beings, conceals thesex of humans just as an apple does its core. Strange things happenwhich do not fit into the normal picture. A professors wifeposthumously finds a thousand photos of nude female students in hisdrawer together with notes of exactly when and where he slept withthem. For forty years she knew nothing about it. A woman tooksedatives for years in order to remain faithful to her husband andsuppress her nymphomaniacal desire for a thousand men. Someonesexually abuses young girls and it soon becomes known that he wasthe nice uncle from next door. One could continue on indefinitelywith such examples. Every man and every woman knows what I amtalking about. Up to now our daily world and our fantasy world havebeen two different things, one of which is shown and the otherconcealed.

Inner dramatic scenes take place here, in theminds of millions of young people and adults, across all classesand cultures of society, regardless of religious, political ormoral affiliation. For the sexual inner life of a human being, itdoes not make any difference whether you are a member of the GreenParty or the Republicans, whether you are Buddhist or Christian,whether you are a pastor or a businessman. Sometime or another wehave all fought a heroic battle against our desires, and we havebeen defeated by them, be it only in our fantasy. Sometime oranother we have all fought against these fantasies as well, inorder to remain clean, and in so doing have got ourselves prettydirty. This is because the fight against our instinct is thesource of the constant flow of oil that we pour into our secretfire.