Stephan Niederwieser - The Bible of Gay Sex: Gay Sex Guide

If gay men truly want to feel free, they have to overcome their shame, affirms cultural activist Patrick Moore in his book Beyond Shame Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality. In this interview, he explains why sex is the key to this.

Lets party! Sex is more than the freedom to simply screw around with whomever you like. Sex reinforces your self-confidence.

Why is it important for us to learn to be proud of gay sex as part of our history?

For many gay men under 50, sex without the fear of Aids is a completely alien concept. Their attitude toward sex is filtered through the precise opposite of rose-tinted glasses, and is associated with suffering and an early death. They find it difficult to imagine that sex can simply be pleasurable, healthy and playful. On the contrary: Most of them see gay sex as something thats dangerous, something to be ashamed of. They would do well to remember that there was once a time when sex was extreme but by no means self-destructive.

Being proud of the sex that was enjoyed in the 1960s and 1970s would help gay men to recognize that you dont have to be ashamed of sex as a part of gay culture.

You claim that suppressing the fact that gay men used to have extreme sex in the past has led to a rise in HIV infection. Why?

If someone deems sex to be shameful and dangerous, its highly likely they wont talk about it. Sex becomes their little secret. Im a drug advisor, and every day I see how powerful and self-destructive secrets can become. To put it briefly: If I cant discuss my sexual needs, I run the risk of making decisions that might harm my health. If Im ashamed to say what turns me on, if I dont dare to live out my fantasies, I might need drugs and alcohol to experience them all the same. And when Im under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I might be willing to take part in practices that involve a greater risk of infection.

But surely theres enough extreme sex: fisting, piss and scat parties all over the place! How much more extreme can sex become?

When I talk about extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I dont really mean the practices themselves, but the emotional atmosphere in which sex was seen as a political statement and a form of spiritual development. Sure, its extreme if someone gets a fist shoved up their ass, but after a while it becomes normalized. What I think is lacking about sex today is the fact that sexual experiences make no contribution to collectively reinventing gay culture. I dont see much sexwhether its in clubs, parks or at partiesthat has a ritual or collective nature. On the other hand, I see a whole load of frightened guys who are no longer capable of having sex without drugs.

Homosexuality isnt a dirty secret. Publicly expressing your affection for another man is the first step toward self-liberation.

How can we regain this atmosphere?

Above all else, the gay community must stop seeing our sex as a dirty secret. Dont forget that one thing that destroyed the awesome clubs of the 1970s was that all the straights suddenly wanted us to let them in. Theyd also want to join in today if we had the courage to take our place in society.

Instead of that, I think theres been a growing trend over the past decade of gay people, especially rich ones, marginalizing other gay people who dont conform. If you dont want to get married, dont want to adopt children, and dont want to drive a fancy BMW, youll be written off as an outsider. But there will always be some people who want to live in a more extreme fashion. And why not? If Im well-adjusted and not ashamed of my sexuality, why should it bother me if my partner goes AWOL in a sex club for a few daysso long as he doesnt get wasted on drugs or endanger his health. And its altogether possible to have extreme sex without destroying yourself in the process. We need more sexual rituals, like the Body Electric seminars for example, where men from different generations investigate sexuality with one another. These seminars are a wonderful arena for gay men to learn to love within a sexual framework.

What would happen if we were to reclaim this area for ourselves?

I think the gay community would become less superficial if it had a rich history it took pride in. If I chose to value those people who had extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I wouldnt merely write them off as being trolls (what a disrespectful term for older homos!). Young gay men would look up to older men as mentors instead of being bothered by their presence on the scene or even feeling harrassed by them.

Arent you afraid your opinions might be misunderstood?

Not in the slightest. What is there to misunderstand about a rallying cry to stop feeling ashamed and playing hide-and-seek? Gay men can only benefit from that, and the rest of society too. If we no longer feel ashamed of ourselves, the straights will also find it easier to accept us.