Greta Christina - Paying For It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Customers

Entire contents @2004 Greta Christina. Individual pieces copyright of the authors. All pieces original to this book, except for:

Convoluted, Not Complicated, by Vic St. Blaise a.k.a. Lex Kyler, reprinted from his website, www.lexkyler.com.

Samuel, by Annie Sprinkle, reprinted from Post-Porn Modernist, Torch Books, 1991; Cleis Press, 1998.

The Session: From Phone Call to Graceful Exit, by Mistress Simone Worthington, reprinted from her website, www.chicago-mistress.com.

A Live One, by Greta Christina, reprinted from Penthouse Magazine, February 1997.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Cover design by Johnny Ink, www.johnnyink.com.

Published in the United States by Greenery Press, 3403 Piedmont Ave #301, Oakland, CA 94611, www.greenerypress.com.

ISBN 1-890159-59-X.

Contents

Acknowledgments

F irst, last, and many times in between: Ingrid.

A lot of people submitted very good work to this book, and I was genuinely sorry that there wasnt the space or budget to include all of it. So I want to thank, not just the contributors whose work ended up here, but everyone who took the time to submit their writing.

My friends and many members of my family listened to me patiently and gave me some very good advice while I babbled about this book incessantly for well over a year. I am very grateful to them for this. Ingrid in particular had to deal with anxiety attacks, mood swings, and a huge amount of what must have been very dull shop talk. I am more grateful to her than I can say. And special thanks go to Nicola for all the tech help. The manuscript would have been a mess without her.

Susie Bright has been a source of encouragement, inspiration, and excellent advice throughout my writing career, and as an editor has given me not only a ridiculously useful role model, but many of my most important breaks (including that all-important first one). She rocks.

I want to thank Last Gasp and all the Gaspers, for helping keep food in my belly and anarchy in my brain. On the subject of keeping food in the belly, I want to give special thanks to my father-in-law Russ. The genius grant meant a tremendous amount the money was helpful, of course, but the vote of confidence was invaluable. And on this topic, I must thank Ingrid, once again and many times over.

Many of the contributors to this book are listed on the Eros.com Website, which is how I found them. Without it, this might well have been a very short book. Thanks.

Special thanks, of course, to Greenery Press, for giving an up-and-coming kid a chance. Extra special thanks to Patrick for the excellent advice on putting together the book proposal.

And last, first, and many times in between: Ingrid.

Dedication

For Ingrid.

Introduction

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Why I Created This Book And Why You Want to Read It

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by Greta Christina

S ome years back, a friend asked me for advice on visiting a peep show. He knew I had worked as a peep show dancer, and since hed never been to one before, he didnt really know how to act. Is it okay to smile? he asked me. Can I talk to the dancers? Should I compliment them? Or should I just watch and not do anything?

It almost broke my heart. I thought about all those men who came into the Lusty Lady when I was working there, the ones who didnt smile or say hello or anything, the ones who just stood there and stared at my tits like zombies. All the time Id worked there, and all the years afterwards, Id always assumed that those guys were just jerks. And Im sure some of them were just jerks. But when I was talking with my friend, I suddenly realized that a lot of those guys, maybe even most of them, were simply awkward or nervous or at a loss. I started wondering how many of them had wanted to say hello, or smile at me, or wave or wink or tell me I was sexy and hadnt, simply because they didnt know whether it would be okay. It occurred to me for the first time that some of those men had just stood there in the booth staring blankly, not because they were jerks, but because they didnt know what else to do.

And thats when I first thought of this book.

This book is somewhere between a consumer guide and an etiquette manual for sex work customers. Its meant to give customers a road map of sorts, to make them feel more comfortable when they walk into the peep show or the massage parlor or the dungeon, whether theyve been there a hundred times or are just going in for the first time. The book is written by sex workers and former sex workers, female, male, and trans, who talk about how they do and dont like to be treated by their customers. The writers are (or were) prostitutes, strippers, lap dancers, peep show dancers, phone sex workers, professional dominants, professional submissives, talk to a live nude girl workers, and interactive Internet sex workers. Just about every type of sex work that involves direct customer interaction is represented in this book.

Here, youll find a lot of things that sex workers want to say to our customers but dont feel that we can. We talk about what customers do to make us like them, and what they do to piss us off. We talk about customers who have made us feel relaxed, safe, appreciated, touched, and entertained; and we talk about customers who have made us feel frustrated, dehumanized, irritated, insulted, and threatened. And we talk about how differently we treat the first bunch from the second. In this book, youll read story after story of sex workers who have given customers they liked a little extra attention and who have given customers they didnt like the short end of the stick.

I edited this book because I think theres a vast and yawning communication gap between sex workers and sex work customers. For starters, customers often assume that sex workers lie to them. They assume that sex workers tell customers what they think the customers want to hear; that comments like Youre my favorite or I really have fun doing it with you are just part of the standard bullshit rap. And this assumption isnt always wrong. Like any other job where politeness is a job requirement and getting repeat business depends on making customers think you like them, deception can often be a big part of sex work. It isnt always, but it can be.

For their part, sex workers often assume that customers dont particularly care about them or their well-being. They often assume that most customers are out for as much as they can get for as little money as possible, and that if a customer expresses caring or affection, its a sign that hes a dupe or a nutcase or both, a self-deceived fool with an overactive fantasy life. And this assumption isnt always wrong, either. Much like customers in any business, sex work customers can often be deeply self-deceived and/or monumental jerks. They arent always, but they can be.

Theres also a common assumption that the exchange of money is proof that sex workers dont care about their customers, and that in fact they hold their customers in contempt for being pathetic losers who have to pay for it. Now, if you think about it for a minute, this is an awfully peculiar assumption. After all, you pay your doctor, or your therapist, or other professionals who provide very personal and intimate services, and you dont assume that they dont care about you just because youre paying them. For that matter, you pay your car mechanic, and you dont assume that she holds you in contempt because you have to pay for it. So Id like to put that assumption to rest right now. Sure, there are some sex workers who are contemptuous of their customers, just like there are some car mechanics who think their customers are idiots. And anyone whos worked in a job that caters to the public knows the behind-the-scenes eye-rolling over customers who are stupid or obnoxious or insane. But theres nothing about sex work that inherently instills its practitioners with derision for the people who seek out their service. The legal and social stigma notwithstanding, theres no reason sex work cant be like any other service industry, with no more mistrust and contempt between customers and workers than there is in any service relationship. (Admittedly, that might not be saying much, but itd be a start.)