Greta Christina - Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God

For Ingrid.

S o heres the problem. If you dont believe in God or an afterlife; or if you believe that the existence of God or an afterlife are fundamentally unanswerable questions; or if you do believe in God or an afterlife but you accept that your belief is just that, a belief, something you believe rather than something you know if any of that is true for you, then death can be an appalling thing to think about. Not just frightening, not just painful. It can be paralyzing. The fact that your lifespan is an infinitesimally tiny fragment in the life of the universe, and that there is, at the very least, a strong possibility that when you die, you disappear completely and forever, and that in five hundred years nobody will remember you and in five billion years the Earth will be boiled into the sun: this can be a profound and defining truth about your existence that you reflexively repulse, that you flinch away from and refuse to accept or even think about, consistently pushing to the back of your mind whenever it sneaks up, for fear that if you allow it to sit in your mind even for a minute, it will swallow everything else. It can make everything you do, and everything anyone else does, seem meaningless, trivial to the point of absurdity. It can make you feel erased, wipe out joy, make your life seem like ashes in your hands. Those of us who are atheists and skeptics and doubters are sometimes dismissive of people who fervently hold beliefs they have no evidence for simply because they find them comforting but when youre in the grip of this sort of existential despair, it can be hard to feel like you have anything but that handful of ashes to offer them.

But heres the thing. I think its possible to be an atheist, or an agnostic, or to have religious or spiritual beliefs that you dont have certainty about, and still feel okay about death. I think there are ways to look at death, ways to experience the death of other people and to contemplate our own, that allow us to feel the value of life without denying the finality of death. I cant make myself believe in things I dont actually believe Heaven, or reincarnation, or a greater divine plan for our lives simply because believing those things would make death easier to accept. And I dont think I have to, or that anyone has to. I think there are ways to think about death that are comforting, that give peace and solace, that allow our lives to have meaning and even give us more of that meaning and that have nothing whatsoever to do with any kind of God, or any kind of afterlife.

Heres the first thing. The first thing is time, and the fact that we live in it. Our existence and experience are dependent on the passing of time, and on change. No, not dependent dependent is too weak a word. Time and change are integral to who we are, the foundation of our consciousness, and its warp and weft as well. I cant imagine what it would mean to be conscious without passing through time and being aware of it. There may be some form of existence outside of time, some plane of being in which change and the passage of time are an illusion, but it certainly isnt ours.

And inherent in change is loss. The passing of time has loss and death woven into it: each new moment kills the moment before it, and its own death is implied in the moment that comes after. There is no way to exist in the world of change without accepting loss, if only the loss of a moment in time: the way the sky looks right now, the motion of the air, the number of birds in the tree outside your window, the temperature, the placement of your body, the position of the people in the street. Its inherent in the nature of having moments: you never get to have this exact one again.

And a good thing, too. Because all the things that give life joy and meaning music, conversation, eating, dancing, playing with children, reading, thinking, making love, all of it are based on time passing, and on change, and on the loss of an infinitude of moments passing through us and then behind us. Without loss and death, we dont get to have existence. We dont get to have Shakespeare, or sex, or five-spice chicken, without allowing their existence and our experience of them to come into being and then pass on. We dont get to listen to Louis Armstrong without letting the E-flat disappear and turn into a G. We dont get to watch Groundhog Day without letting each frame of it pass in front of us for a 24th of a second and then move on. We dont get to walk in the forest without passing by each tree and letting it fall behind us; we dont even get to stand still in the forest and gaze at one tree for hours without seeing the wind blow off a leaf, a bird break off a twig for its nest, the clouds moving behind it, each manifestation of the tree dying and a new one taking its place.

And we wouldnt want to have it if we could. The alternative would be time frozen, a single frame of the film, with nothing to precede it and nothing to come after. I dont think any of us would want that. And if we dont want that, if instead we want the world of change, the world of music and talking and sex and whatnot, then it is worth our while to accept, and even love, the loss and the death that make it possible.

Heres the second thing. Imagine, for a moment, stepping away from time, the way youd step back from a physical place, to get a better perspective on it. Imagine being outside of time, looking at all of it as a whole history, the present, the future the way the astronauts stepped back from the Earth and saw it whole.

Keep that image in your mind. Like a timeline in a history class, but going infinitely forward and infinitely back. And now think of a life, a segment of that timeline, one that starts in, say, 1961, and ends in, say, 2037. Does that life go away when 2037 turns into 2038? Do the years 1961 through 2037 disappear from time simply because we move on from them and into a new time, any more than Chicago disappears when we leave it behind and go to California?

It does not. The time that you live in will always exist, even after youve passed out of it, just like Paris exists before you visit it, and continues to exist after you leave. And the fact that people in the 23rd century will probably never know you were alive that doesnt make your life disappear, any more than Paris disappears if your cousin Ethel never sees it. Your segment on that timeline will always have been there. The fact of your death doesnt make the time that you were alive disappear.

And it doesnt make it meaningless. Yes, stepping back and contemplating all of time and space can be daunting, can make you feel tiny and trivial. And that perception isnt entirely inaccurate. Its true: the small slice of time that we have is no more important than the infinitude of time that came before we were born, or the infinitude that will follow after we die.

But its no less important, either.

I dont know what happens when we die. It seems most likely that we simply disappear, but I dont know for sure. And I dont know that it matters. What matters is that we get to be alive. We get to be conscious. We get to be connected with each other, and with the world, and we get to be aware of that connection and to spend a few years mucking about in its possibilities. We get to have a slice of time and space thats ours. As it happened, we got the slice that has Beatles records and Thai restaurants and AIDS and the Internet. People who came before us got the slice that had horse-drawn carriages and whist and dysentery, or the one that had stone huts and Viking invasions and pigs in the yard. And the people who come after us will get the slice that has, I dont know, flying cars and soybean pies and identity chips in their brains. But our slice is no less important because it comes when it does, and its no less important because well leave it someday. The fact that time will continue after we die does not negate the time that we were alive. We are alive now, and nothing can erase that.