Table of Contents
PRAISE FOR
Not Tonight, Mr. Right
Sexpert Kate... takes the reader through a series of tricks of the trade to make sure that when you meet The One, he feels the same way as you. She also explains that it is okay for a girl to say no and gives you the confidence to do so. To the point and very funny, this is a must-read for all women.
The Sun
This book could be your relationship savior... every gal should read this!
Handbag.com
KATE TAYLOR has been writing about sex and relationships for ten years. The author of The Good Orgasm Guide, Lifes Too Short for Tantric Sex, and A Womans Guide to Sex, she has written for many newspapers and magazines, including Glamour, Maxim and Cosmopolitan and was British GQs Sex Life Columnist for five years. Kate is also the UKs Relationship Expert for match.com. She is married and lives in Surrey.
To Valerie Savage, who knew a thing or two about men.
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food and the mere suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionally. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
Miss Manners
Introduction
Keep your knickers on. Change your life.
Wendy Keller
To make a man fall in love with you, give him the best sex hes ever had, or no sex at all. That piece of wisdom was passed on to me by a work colleague when I was eighteen. Up until then Id been following the second part of it perfectly. I still hadnt had sex, and wouldnt for another year, when I got engaged.
It made a lot of sense to me. Id always known that men went nuts when you denied them nookie. At that age, I still wasnt too interested in getting involved with my boyfriends so I was perfectly calm about slamming the front door on their erections after a date. They kept phoning me, they kept seeing me. They might have moaned occasionally, but I just reminded them that there were billions of women in the world to have sex with, and if thats all they wanted, they could leave.
They never left.
I was always very cool about these boyfriends and couldnt understand why my friends were getting so involved with theirs (whom they were sleeping with). I had girlfriends whod call me up at midnight in tears, because their boyfriend had been seen out with someone else. Well, dump him then, Id say, nonplussed. Its not that simple! theyd sob. I love him.
But you have to love yourself first, Id explain, patiently. He doesnt sound like hes being very nice to you. At which point theyd hang up on me and go find someone more understanding to talk to.
I got engaged to a sweet man when I was nineteen, and lost my virginity. It was quite disappointing, though, so I quickly found it again, and broke off the engagement. But then at college I decided I was a feminist and could therefore go out and use men for sex any time I liked.
That was the point I became the worlds worst dater. Over the next few years I made every mistake you can make with a boyfriend. I chased them, I said I love you first. I made one a PUPPET OF HIMSELF for Valentines Day and couldnt understand why his friends thought I was a nutcase. I thought it was sweet when a man turned up at my apartment at 2am wanting sex. I convinced myself that jewellery was something women bought for themselves, and dinner dates meant never having to say, Thanks for paying.
Then, as youd expect, at twenty-seven I finally had my heart sat on like a pair of sunglasses and spent a year moping at home, refusing to see anyone except for Ben & Jerry. During those months I found an old diary Id kept at seventeen. As I opened it, a poem fell out that a boyfriend had written me. I read entry after entry about sweet dates Id been taken on, nice things theyd said to me, proposals Id been given. And all of it written in the most down-to-earth, calm voice. I barely recognized myself. So I decided Id go back to my seventeen-year-old self and start keeping my feet on the ground instead of hooking them round a mans neck.
Yes, it was often hard. It was often very hard. It was often very hard and pressed up against my leg as I kissed my boyfriend goodnight, but I still didnt have sex. And at this point, I was a sex columnist for GQ magazine and the author of a best-selling sex manual, The Good Orgasm Guide. My entire career was about nookie, I could put condoms through as business expenses. All my best girlfriends were sex columnists and writers. So it was a radical move to start refusing sex. However, having a team of writers as friends was a big help, because all of us agreed that withholding sex was a vastly under-used dating tactic. Even though all of us wrote sex tips and advice for a living, privately we swapped tips on how not to give up the goods. Knowing mens sexual preferences so well, we knew that men find women more intriguing when they have the confidence to keep their knees together.
Did it work? Yes. Within two years, Id met the man I wanted and got engaged to him, and this time everything was lovely and we got married.
So. What follows, in this book, is my guide to being the girl who can say No. Everything here is written either from my own tortuous personal experience, or learned in the six years I wrote GQs Sex Column and interviewed thousands of men, and received letters from many others. It was also helped greatly by the many women who agreed to be interviewed about their own experiences with waiting to have sex.
In here youll find everything you need to follow a simple plan of tactical abstinence until youve found your own Mr Right. Why to say No, how to say No, when to say No, who to say No to, and finally, happily, ecstatically, when to say, Oh God yes, please, now, YES!
With love,
Kate
www.nottonightmrright.com
Quiz
How Much Do You Need This Book?
1. Have you ever had sex when, looking back, a simple Im so sorry I forgot your birthday probably would have sufficed?
2. Have you ever tried to win back a bored boyfriend with a complicated technique called something like,Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hard-On?
3. Have you ever got naked just to relieve outside pressure - from your friends, your man, or your Spanx?
4. Have you ever had sex with someone you werent that interested in, but still felt irrationally annoyed when they didnt call you again afterwards? Or worse, felt irrationally relieved when they did?
5. Have you ever wished you knew the perfect moment to jump in the sack?
Answers:
Count the number of times youve said Yes. Not to men (we dont have all day), just to the questions.
1-5: Run, dont walk, to the till and buy this book immediately. Try not to have sex with anyone on the way.
0: You are naturally a Lofty Love Goddess. Put this book down and buy something about weddings.
The Thrill of the Chaste
I like the way guys go crazy when they cant have sex with you. If he cant have you, he stays interested. The moment he has you, hes gone, unless he is really in love with you.
