Nancy Armstrong - Big Bad Ass Book of Sex

Sex is like air: Its no big deal unless you arent getting any.

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With all due respect to whoever first coined the phrase, it isnt love that makes the world go round, its sex. Think about it. (Like youre ever not thinking about it!)Without sex, thered be no kissing, no orgasms, no new life on the planet, no suggestive jokes on televisionthe list goes on and on. So in a sense, even if its not responsible for the actual turning of the planet on its axis, sex does make the world go. And its literally everywhere, not just in your bedroom or hot tub or kitchen or tree house: its pervasive in just about every form of entertainment out there; its influence is reaching kids sooner than it ever has; and as much as they try to keep it out, sex is all over the workplace, too.

So dont you think youd better have some idea how to do it? Honestly, sex has evolved as quickly as people have in the twenty-first century. It was probably never as cut and dried as some people would have you believesurely not too many people still subscribe to the in-out-repeat school of coitusbut these days, there are as many ways to do it as there are ways to order coffee (and as many accoutrements, too!). So here were presenting some basic information, answering questions, giving you tips for how to get it on in style, and even providing some erotic fiction to inspire you to even greater sexual heights. Weve broken things down into five parts:

Solo Sex (masturbation)

Duets (one-on-one sex)

Threes Company (threesomes)

A Swingin Party (group sex)

Extreme Kink (the stuff thats weird to 99 percent of the population).

Remember, as Woody Allen once said, Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions. We aim to answer some of those questions in this book.

For those of you who think you already know it allha! You couldnt possibly. Theres bound to be something in here you never knew or something you never even thought to ask! This book really does have it all; just look how long it is! In these pages, youll find a veritable smorgasbord of sexual information: everything from masturbating in the shower to handcuffing your lover to the radiator and all the delightful stuff in between. In addition to basic principles of sexuality and ideas and tips for practical use, weve included some motivational erotica at the end of each section, also grouped by subject. Think of the stories as illustrations of the principles youve just studied. (Yeah, thats what they are.)

Whether youre interested in heightening your own pleasure with your partner of twenty-five years or getting a person youve known for twenty-five minutes to agree to dress up as an exterminator and spray you with insecticide, this is your guide. Theres always more to learn about the worlds favorite subject.

Although there are jokes throughout this book about any number of sexual situations and inclinations, we mean to go at this in a way that is open-minded and not judge anyones preferences or predilections. As long as no one gets hurt who doesnt want to, its okay by us.

As you read through this menu of delights, you may notice that there are more every woman is different caveats than there are every man is different warnings. Thats because the mechanics for men are basically the same, whereas women experience orgasms in a couple of different ways. That doesnt mean that all men like the same things, and it doesnt always mean that women are more complicated than men or that something that got one woman off wont work with another.

Its important to remember as you read that every person is different both anatomically and in what turns him or her on. This also means that the fact that something works with one partner or group doesnt mean that it will work with another. Explore. Ask. Thats the fun of it.

The stories in this book are meant as fantasies to get you off. They are not necessarily how-to guides. For instance, we demand that you practice safe sex, especially as you add more and more people to the scenario; however, in many of the stories, semen is flying everywhere and the characters arent always being as careful as they should.

Please, approach everything in this book (or at least everything you choose to approach in this book) with a healthy sense of humor and hygiene.