Kristen Dabrowski - The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens, Volume 12. 111 One-Minute Monologues - Just Comedy!

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume XII

111 One-Minute Monologues

Just Comedy!

THE ULTIMATE AUDITION BOOK FOR TEENS SERIES

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume 1:
111 One-Minute Monologues by Janet Milstein

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume 2:
111 One-Minute Monologues by L. E. McCullough

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume 3:
111 One-Minute Monologues by Kristen Dabrowski

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume 4:
111 One-Minute Monologues by Debbie Lamedman

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens Volume 5:
111 Shakespeare Monologues

THE ULTIMATE SCENE STUDY SERIES FOR TEENS

The Ultimate Scene Study Series for Teens Volume 1:
60 Shakespeare Scenes

The Ultimate Scene Study Series for Teens Volume 2:
60 Short Scenes by Debbie Lamedman

THE ULTIMATE MONOLOGUE SERIES FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL ACTORS

The Ultimate Monologue Book for Middle School Actors Volume 1:
111 One-Minute Monologues by Kristen Dabrowski

The Ultimate Monologue Book for Middle School Actors Volume 2:
111 One-Minute Monologues by Janet Milstein

The Ultimate Monologue Book for Middle School Actors Volume 3:
111 One-Minute Monologues by L. E. McCullough

To order call toll-free (888) 282-2881
or visit us online at www.smithandkraus.com

The Ultimate Audition Book for Teens VOLUME XII

111 One-Minute Monologues

Just Comedy!

Kristen Dabrowski

YOUNG ACTORS SERIES

A Smith and Kraus Book

A Smith and Kraus Book
Published by Smith and Kraus, Inc.
177 Lyme Road, Hanover, NH 03755
www.smithandkraus.com

Copyright 2007 by Kristen Dabrowski
All rights reserved.

LIMITED REPRODUCTION PERMISSION:
The publisher grants permission to individual teachers to reproduce the scripts as needed for use with their own students.
Permission for reproduction for an entire school district or for commercial use is required.
Please call Smith and Kraus, Inc. at (603) 643-6431.

First Edition: September 2007
Manufactured in the United States of America
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Cover and text design by
Julia Gignoux, Freedom Hill Design

ISBN 978-1-57525-580-4 / 1-57525-580-4
Library of Congress Control Number: 2007934765

To Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Steve Martin, and all the people who make me laugh.

Introduction

Hello, actors! As a professional actor for fourteen years now, I know how hard the search for the perfect monologue can be. A monologue should be immediate, active, and fun. You shouldnt mind having to say it over and over when youre practicing, auditioning, or performing it. You should be able to relate to it. This is difficult; most plays are written for adults. Where are you supposed to get monologues from then? This book.

Here are some tips on approaching monologues:

1. Pick the monologue that hits you. Trust your instincts. Youll pick the right one!
2. Make the monologues active. What do you want and how do you try to get it?
3. Who are you talking to and where are they? Make sure you make this as clear as possible.
4. Do you get answered or interrupted? Be sure to fill in words in your head for the moments when you are spoken to in the monologue, even if its a simple yes or no.
5. How do you feel about the person or people you are talking to? For example, you speak a lot differently to your best friend than you do to your math teacher.
6. Notes about stage directions and terminology: The word beat or the start of a new paragraph indicates another character speaks or a new idea arises. Pause or other stage directions like shocked are suggestions, but do not need to be observed absolutely.

Final note: I absolutely encourage you to make strong character choices (how you walk and talk, and so forth). Comedy is best when its rooted in real feeling, but the energy and character choices are bold. Once youve made character decisions, commit to your choices; dont hold back!

Enjoy!

Kristen Dabrowski

Female Monologues

THE END OF THE WORLD

LAILA

Did you hear this? I just saw a commercial where they say that video games are a bigger industry now than the movies. How sick is that? At least the movies are social. Like you go to them with your friends or on a date. Well, I guess you can play video games with other people. But dont most people sit alone and, like, try to get to the next level or get the golden cup or whatever?

Plus, this brings up a whole new level of scariness. If video games are such a huge business, it occurs to me that maybe the whole world is being taken over by geeks. I mean, the human race is going to die out completely if this is where were headed. We are surrounded by geeks alone in their smelly bedrooms playing video games! And these geeks are obviously converting possible normal and cute guys into their evil web of gaming. They dont need human contact. They dont need girls. We are doomed. I am so depressed. Seriously.

LONG LOST

JULIA

Hi! Oh my God. Its been ages since I saw you! How are you? Oh my God, I cant believe I ran into you! I was saying to Jessie just the other day, What ever happened to Melissa? She went to another school and just disappeared. Hey, your hair is so different. I almost didnt recognize you. Its a little weird. What made you decide to go with green? And your eyes are are you wearing contacts?

Um, oh my God, youre not Melissa, are you? Oh my God, this is so embarrassing! Im so sorry! I dont know what I was thinking; I mean, I just really miss her. We were like best friends. And then she just went poof! You know? And I thought, Did I do something to her? I mean, I always thought we were best friends, and you just look a lot like her

Youre her sister? Oh! I knew it! You totally look similar. So, anyway uh, tell her I said hi. Not all the other stuff, OK? Just hi. Oh, and I love the green hair. I was just saying that cause, well, you know. Shes being a total jerk, and I completely hate her.

So tell her to call me, OK?

SECRETS AND LIES

PARKER

Ella, come in here! Shh! Dont say anything. I have to show you something. But you cant say anything. OK? Swear? OK. Look.

Shh! What did I tell you? Dont say anything. You have to help me figure out what to do. I spilled some nail polish on the rug, so I poured some nail polish remover on it. And then the stain spread and changed the color. So I started looking around and I got some lemon juice from the fridge cause the nail polish remover was stinking and it seemed like a good idea, but then the rug turned yellowish-white. So then I started thinking about what would make it brown again, and, I dont know, I guess Im crazy, but I was desperate, so Dads shoe polish seemed like a good idea. Anyhow, Ive got a huge mess here that just keeps getting worse and worse and Mom and Dad are going to kill me! What should I do?

Chocolate sauce? How in the world would that help? I should have known youd be too little to help. That doesnt make any sense. Never mind. Ill just tell Mom and Dad you did it.

I was just kidding! Stop crying. Jeez!

HOT

CLAIRE

No, I didnt hook up with him. I dont even like him, Evan! I like you. I love you. You know I do. I dont know why youd say something like that. You really are being paranoid. Look, I danced with my girlfriends, too. You dont think I hooked up with them, do you? So, see? It makes no sense.

I dont know what Shauna told you, but shes lying. OK, I might have said, like, months ago that I liked Michael, but that was before I was even dating you. She said I said that last week? Whatever! Hes not even my type. I wouldnt do anything to jeopardize what we have. I love you, Evan. Ive loved you for, like, weeks now. And nothings going to stand in our way. Not even Shauna. Shes jealous. Well, because she likes Michael, too, and she knows that hes more into me than her. Well, I know that hes into me because well, because he told me