Adelyn Birch - 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships

"Until you realize how easily it is for your mind to be manipulated, you remain the puppet of someone else's game."

~ Evita Ochel

Covert emotional manipulation tactics are underhanded methods of control. These deceptive tactics act to change your behavior and perceptions. Covert manipulation operates under the level of your conscious awareness. Victims usually do not realize they are being manipulated while it is happening. That is exactly why it is important to become aware of the methods manipulators use.

Who are these manipulative people?

The most skillful and dangerous manipulators are those included in psychology's "dark triad." Psychopathic, narcissistic and Machiavellian personalities lack empathy and manipulate in a planned and purposeful way for their own personal gain, no matter the cost to someone else. They are callous, insensitive, aggressive and opportunistic individuals who use others and act out against them to achieve their own ends. It is entirely possible to have a member of the dark triad as your partner, friend, neighbor, relative, coworker or boss. They attempt to hide who they really are by creating a seemingly normal, and often a charming and likeable, persona; but their malicious intent remains active behind the mask. These individuals are detrimental to the mental health of anyone who has close contact with them.

People without serious psychological disorders also use manipulation to get what they want, without malicious intent and sometimes without any awareness of what they are doing. It is said that we're all guilty of using manipulation on occasion instead of communicating our needs and desires in a direct way. There is a significant difference between someone who is a pathological manipulator and someone who uses manipulation to get what they want from time to time. Pathological manipulators have no other way to relate to others and nothing real to offer in a relationship, such as love and intimacy. There is no way to change them.

Manipulation undermines your ability to consciously make decisions and take actions in your own best interest, in accordance with your personal values and boundaries. In other words, manipulation gets you to do things you wouldn't otherwise do.

At its worse, emotional manipulation methodically wears down your self-worth and self-confidence and damages your trust in your own perceptions. It can make you unwittingly compromise yourself to the point of losing your self-respect and developing a warped concept of reality. With your defenses weakened or completely disarmed in this manner, you are left even more vulnerable to further manipulation.

A skilled emotional manipulator gets you to put your sense of self-worth and emotional well-being into his or her hands. Once you're tricked into making that grave mistake, they methodically chip away at your identity and wreak havoc on your psychological health.

In order to be successful, a purposeful and malicious manipulator must know your vulnerabilities, conceal their aggressive intentions and behavior, and be ruthless enough not to care what harm their manipulation causes you. Taking control and getting what they want are all that matters.

Becoming aware of the tactics manipulators use enables you to identify concealed aggression. But it is not always easy to do, because manipulators count on your trust, doubt and strong emotions guilt, fear, love and shame to prevent you from thinking clearly and seeing the manipulation. In many cases they manufacture these emotions purposely for that reason. That's how manipulators get away with what they do. Therefore, it is very important for you to recognize when you are doubting your own perceptions or intuition, or experiencing an emotion that makes you vulnerable to manipulation.

Although this book is focuses on romantic relationships, the manipulation tactics described are simply that, manipulation tactics. Many are the same methods employed by manipulative friends, family members, coworkers, bosses, neighbors and even children.