B. Kim Barnes - Exercising Influence A Guide for Making Things Happen at Work, at Home, and in Your Community

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Copyright 2015 by B. Kim Barnes. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey

Published simultaneously in Canada

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is Available:

ISBN 978-1-119-07158-7 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-119-07170-9 (ePDF)

ISBN 978-1-119-07149-5 (ePub)

Cover Design: Wiley

Cover Illustration courtesy of B. Kim Barnes

This book is dedicated to Abigail, Elizabeth, Emily, and Isaacthe next generation of influencers.

Influencing is something everyone needs to be able to do, but it requires a set of skills and understandings that is rarely taught explicitly. Since 1994, when we introduced our influence fitness program, Exercising Influence: Building Relationships and Getting Results, participants have asked for a book that they can read for further development. This book, as its name implies, is intended to be a practical guide to developing effective influencing skills independent of the seminar.

The book provides a means for reflecting on your current approach to influencing others, as well as examples, insights, tools, and skill practice opportunities that will help you to become a more effective influencer. You will develop a greater appreciation for the many opportunities you have daily to make your life and work more satisfying and meaningful through influential communication. You can use this book in several ways:

• As a general information book, to be read in its entirety.
• As a resource for specific ideas about various aspects of influencing. If you use it in this way, you may want to read the first part and then use the rest for reference, as appropriate.
• As a guide to a structured influence fitness program that can be implemented alone or with others in a conscious and sequential way for the purpose of developing and improving skills.
• As a follow-up to or preparation for attending the course, Exercising Influence: Building Relationships and Getting ResultsTM. For information on this course, see the first item in the Resources section.

The material in this book is divided into three parts. The first part, Exercising Influence, focuses on developing the skills and understanding required to be an effective influencer. The second part, Planning for Influence, provides practical advice on preparing for, implementing, and reviewing an actual influence opportunity. The third part, Special Issues in Influence, explores important issues that arise in the process of exercising your influence, as well as special applications of influence skills. Each of the short chapters within the sections covers an area that is relevant to influencing in all aspects of life. The remainder of the book includes appendixes with supplementary material.

In this book, I have used several metaphors that offer parallels to this complex topic. Developing influence skills is like fitness training, the planning process is like preparing for a safari, and the actual experience of influencing is like improvisational theater. The process of becoming an effective influencer is a lifelong journey. To help guide us on this journey, I have selected some quotations from Ralph Waldo Emerson, whose wisdom and good sense speak to us across 180 years. Emerson's essays, most of them written in the 1830s and 1840s, are especially full of relevant observations and advice of value to those of us interested in building relationships and getting results through influence. In an 1844 essay, Emerson wrote, This is that which we call charactera reserved force which acts directly by presence, and without means. That is as good a definition of the power of influence as we are likely to find.

I'd like to express my deep gratitude to those who have influenced and supported me in completing this third edition of Exercising Influence.

To my colleagues and partners at Barnes & Conti and our global affiliatesmy deep appreciation for keeping the ideas and practices in the program and the book alive, fresh, and developing for all these years we have worked together. I'm grateful for your talent, commitment, and creativity every day.

To my writing groupin particular, to Bev Scott and Jan Schmucklermany thanks for your help in shaping the new chapters. Your willingness to challenge my thinking and suggest resources was enormously helpful.

To the editors and other staff at John Wiley & Sons for making this as easy as it could beyour magic act of keeping a respectful distance, while being there when I needed something, helped this to come together faster than I thought possible.

To the thousands of people around the globe who have attended Exercising InfluenceTM workshops and put what they've learned into practice, your feedback and the gift of knowing about some of the great ideas you've moved into action inspire me every day.

And finally, to my familyespecially to the other writers, daughters Heather Davis and Tamara Raetz, and my dear partner and husband, Don Bryantmy love and gratitude for being there, cheering me on, and keeping me grounded.

B. Kim Barnes
December, 2014