The cases mentioned in this book are all based on real people. However, their names and key distinguishing details have been changed to prevent identification.
First published 2007
Exisle Publishing Limited
Moonrising, Narone Creek Road, Wollombi, NSW 2325, Australia
P.O. Box 60490, Titirangi, Auckland 0642, New Zealand
www.exislepublishing.com
Copyright 2007 in text: Dr Russ Harris
Dr Russ Harris asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved. Except for short extracts for the purpose of review, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication Data:
Harris, Russell, 1966.
The happiness trap: stop struggling, start living/Dr Russ Harris.
ISBN 9780908988907 (pbk.)
Includes index.
Bibliography
1. Happiness. 2. Conduct of life.
158.1
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Typeset in Sabon 11/15
Printed in Shenzhen, China, by Ink Asia
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Dr Russ Harris has written an easy to read, practical book on how to manage the many challenges life presents us. A great read, with strategies galore.
Dr Rick Kausman, Author of If Not Dieting, Then What?
It seems so much easier to find the meaning in life and get on with living after reading Dr Russ Harriss book. Full of helpful strategies and common sense ideas, The Happiness Trap is a wonderful journey of reassurance for anyone who is troubled by worrying feelings, nagging anxiety and moods of despair. As a psychologist who works with such people, it is wonderful to be able to recommend this book. I use the strategies myself and they really do work!
Dr Mandy Deeks, Psychologist, The Jean Hailes Foundation for Womens Health Author of Life Begins at Menopause
Dr Russ Harris skillfully leads the reader on a path along which we may pick up and embrace the tools for living a rich, full and authentically meaningful lifea life wherein real happiness truly resides. The Happiness Trap is a book for alltherapists and clients alikeit makes the skills of mindfulness accessible and applicable to everyday living.
Christine Burke, Psychologist BA Dip Ed, M Ed (Counselling Psychology)
Happiness is an elusive state. Highly valued, relentlessly pursued, rarely experienced. Ironically, the harder we try to buy, seize, or closet happiness, the less likely we are to be happy. Indeed, even talking about how we can be happy often leaves us with a sense of dissatisfactionthe happiness trap. This is why Dr Russ Harriss book is so useful. This book is about practical and effective ways to understand, to accept, and to embrace the world as it is. Acceptance is the foundation from which happiness grows. The evidence-based techniques and skills taught in this book will strengthen your ability to accept, will help you develop the courage to change the things that can be changed, and will further develop the wisdom to know the difference. I highly recommend this to you.
Dr Anthony Grant, Psychologist, Director of Coaching Psychology at Sydney university, Author of Its Your LifeWhat Are You Going To Do With It!
This is a highly readable and original book. It goes against much of the cultural mainstream by arguing that directly trying to be happy may actually make you miserable. The book offers an alternative roadmap, one that helps you avoid emotional detours and guides you towards a life that is rich, full, and meaningful. If you feel like you are not living up to your full potential, this is the book for you.
Dr. Joseph Ciarrochi, School of Psychology , University of Wollongong
Dedication
To my mother and father, for four decades of love, support, inspiration and encouragement. And to my wife Carmel, whose love, wisdom, and generosity has enriched my life and opened my heart in ways I would never have dreamed possible.
Foreword
There is a tremendous irony in happiness. It comes from a root word meaning by chance or an occurrence, which in a positive sense connotes a sense of newness, wonder, and appreciation of chance occurrences. The irony is that people not only seek it, they try to hold on to itespecially to avoid any sense of unhappiness. Unfortunately, these very control efforts can become heavy, planned, closed, rigid and fixed.
Happiness is not just a matter of feeling good. If it were, drug abusers would be the happiest people on the planet. Indeed, feeling good can be a very unhappy pursuit. It is not by accident that drug users call their methods of doing so a fixbecause they are chemically trying to hold something in place. Like a butterfly pinned to a table, however, happiness dies unless it is held lightly. Drug abusers are not the only ones. In the name of producing an emotional result we call happiness, most of us tend to engage in behaviour that is the exact opposite and then feel awful and inadequate with the inevitable result. Until we wise up, we are all generally trying to get a fix on happiness.
This book is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is an empirically supported approach that takes a new and unexpected tack in dealing with the issue of happiness and life satisfaction. Instead of teaching new techniques to pursue happiness, ACT teaches ways to undermine struggle, avoidance, and loss of the moment. Russ Harris has very carefully and creatively presented this approach in an accessible way. In 33 bite-sized chapters he systematically explores how we get into the Happiness Trap and how mindfulness, acceptance, cognitive defusion, and values can release us from it.
The joyful message in these pages is that there is no reason to continue to wait for life to start. That waiting game can end. Now. Like a lion placed in a paper cage, human beings are generally most trapped by the illusions of their own mind. But despite the appearance the cage is not really a barrier that can contain the human spirit. There is another way forward, and with this book Dr Harris shines a powerful and loving beacon forward into the night, lighting that path.
Enjoy the journey. You are in excellent hands.
Steven C. Hayes
Originator of ACT
University of Nevada
Introduction
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!
Just suppose for a moment that almost everything you believed about finding happiness turned out to be inaccurate, misleading or false. And suppose that those very beliefs were making you miserable. What if your very efforts to find happiness were actually preventing you from achieving it? And what if almost everyone you knew turned out to be in the same boatincluding all those psychologists, psychiatrists and self-help gurus who claim to have all the answers?
Im not posing these questions just to grab your attention. This book is based on a growing body of scientific research that suggests we are all caught in a powerful psychological trap. We lead our lives ruled by many unhelpful and inaccurate beliefs about happinessideas widely accepted by society because everyone knows they are true. On the surface, these beliefs seem to make good sensethats why you encounter them again and again in nearly every self-help book you ever read. But these erroneous beliefs are both the cause of and the fuel for a vicious cycle, in which the more we try to find happiness, the more we suffer. And this psychological trap is so well hidden, we dont even have a clue that were caught and controlled by it.