Douglas Wilson - Fidelity: What It Means to Be a One-Woman Man

P.O. Box 8729, Moscow, ID 8384318004882034 | www.canonpress.comDouglas Wilson, Fidelity: What It Means To Be a One-Woman ManCopyright 1999 by Douglas WilsonAll rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of the author, except as provided by USA copyright law. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wilson, DouglasFidelity : what it means to be a one-woman man / Douglas Wilson.-Rev. ed. p. cm.ISBN-13: 978-1-885767-64-6 (pbk.)ISBN-10: 1-885767-64-1 (pbk.)1. Men--Religious life. 2. Chastity. 3. Sex--Religious aspects--Christianity. 4. Sexual ethics. I. Title.BV4528.2.W49 2004241.66081--dc222004000918 Not that this is a new development or anything, but we do live in a time when sexual fidelity is under assault. But although sexual immorality is not new in the world, certain aspects of our current situation are comparatively new. The novelty of our circumstance is that, driven by the forces of relativism, our culture across the board is assaulting, for the first time in millennia, the very concept of sexual fidelity.

From the very beginning, the believer has had to stand against the various temptations to sexual laxity. Because of the success of the gospel, the nations influenced by it came, over the course of centuries, to acknowledge the essential rightness of Christian sexual morality. This did not mean that it was consistently practiced, but it did mean that the biblical standard became a cultural norm. The word was not yet on tablets of human hearts, but at least it was inscribed on tablets of stone.

In this situation, believers have sought to live the complete standard as God teaches us in His Word. But we are rapidly reverting to the status quo ante ; we are quickly sliding back to paganism. Our situation is now far closer to that of the first century Corinthians, who had to deal with the sanctified brothel dedicated to Venus, than it is to the immorality of Victorian London. The prostitutes of that city conducted a thriving trade among nominal Christians who knew their hypocrisy. But we are no longer good enough to be hypocrites.

Chastity was a novelty introduced to the Gentile nations as a result of the preaching of the gospel. Other virtues had been acknowledged by the pagans, and the Christian faith provided the grace and strength to live up to the standard that had always been acknowledged and admired. But biblical chastity was a cultural offense and took more than a little getting used to. Because the gospel transforms cultures as well as lives, the power of the gospel brought to our peoples what we might call sexual civilization.

But because of the general doctrinal apostasy of evangelical churches over the last century and a half, we find that our influence as salt and light is no longer what it was. A century ago an immoral man would avoid the Christians with shame in his face. Today, the promiscuous just stare at us blankly. We must return to our prior understanding of the Word of God and rebuild our understanding of sexual morality. But in far too many instances the world is having a much greater influence on the church than vice versa .

This book is not the place to develop the doctrinal issues, which has been capably done by others elsewhere. But with that doctrinal basis assumed, the structure of Christian sexual morality must be restored and reformed.

In the pastoral epistles, the apostle Paul sets down a requirement that each Christian elder be a one-woman manthe husband of one woman. This pattern is required of all Christian leaders so that they can exhibit the definition of Christian marriage to all the followers of Christ. The disciples, in turn, are to imitate what they see. The Bible requires the elders of the church to be devoted to one woman , and it requires the people of God to watch all this closely, among other things, and imitate itRemember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation (Heb. 13:7).

So what does it mean to be devoted to one woman? We are surrounded by a world which specializes in the various arts of inflaming lust and encouraging people, if they cant be with the one they love, to love the one theyre with. In such circumstances, what are we to do?

The first chapter will provide a brief defense of the straight talk approach taken throughout the book. The world does not hesitate to tempt us with messages that are not hard to understand. Unfortunately, many of the Christian responses are not nearly as clear or intelligible. The following chapters will consider in turn the various allurements which distract Christian men from their sexual responsibilities. Wading in from the shallow end of the pool, we will consider lust and pornography, then fornication, then adultery, then divorce, then prostitution, then rape, then polygamy, then sodomy, then masturbation, and finally celibacy. Because sexual temptation in each situation will be, at the root, sexual , this means that the various chapters will be somewhat repetitive at some points. But on a subject such as this, to write the same things is not grievous, and to the reader it is safe (Phil. 3:1).

At the same time, in writing on these things, it has been necessary (on some subjects) to go out on a limb. I am certainly aware that there is room for disagreement in what has been argued at certain places, but I have ventured into some controversial areas regardless. This is because too often pastoral advice on certain delicate issues has been developed by pastors in isolationwe have not been talking about these things with one another, or when we have talked about them, we have been simply recycling the work of unbelieving sexual therapists for Christian consumption. We have to do better than this, and so exegetical discussion on practices like masturbation and oral sex should at the very least be initiated.

Having considered the particular temptations which attend the subject matter of each chapter, we will conclude with the antidote to all sexual disease, which is the godly honoring of the marriage bed: Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge (Heb. 13:4). And we will come to understand that, biblically, the spiritual solution to sexual temptation can be pretty basic and earthy.

This book was written for men and their sons. I suggest that wives read this only when their husbands give it to them, and not the other way around. The introduction mentioned the issue of straight talkand this means, in part, a rejection of euphemism. Some of what is said here may be offensive to some Christian women, but the point is certainly not to give offense. The point is to provide biblically specific and pointed help to Christian males.

At the same time, although I want to speak plainly enough so that what is said is a genuine help, I also want to avoid any apparent violation of Pauls injunction:

But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (Eph. 5:35)

Clearly Paul does not mean that such sins should not be mentioned or described he mentions them here. He is saying that such things ought not to be named in our presence in any way which tolerates or gives countenance to them. We live at a time when the world does not hesitate to teach on sexual behavior. Broad evangelical churches usually mimic the worlds teaching with a thin Christian gloss, and the more conservative churches hesitate to teach on this subject at all. The result is that such things are done among us, but in a false application of Pauls words, we still wont name them. We laugh at dirty jokes on the television shows we watch, but woe betide the poor idiot who tries to tell the same joke in the church foyer the next morning. His sin is not the joke, which half the church enjoyed in the privacy of their own homes, but rather his unwitting exposure of their dishonesty. And that sin is never tolerated, not even in times of spiritual declension.