Katherine Willis Pershey - Very Married: Field Notes on Love and Fidelity

Marriage is beautiful and brutal. Marriage is brutiful. Katherine tells the truth about marriage and sets couples free to love each other imperfectly, without shame. I am so grateful for Katherines wise, brave voice and her important work in the world.

GLENNON DOYLE MELTON, NEW YORK TIMESBESTSELLING AUTHOR OF CARRY ON, WARRIOR AND LOVE WARRIOR

Very Married is the book we have all been waiting for: hopeful, inclusive, practical, theological, honest talk about the complex sacrament of marriage as both reality to be lived and metaphor to be embodied. Pershey is a pastor at her core, and on every page of this book, her calling is evident and wholehearted. Im grateful for her honesty, for her wisdom, for her work in this conversation. Now when Im asked to recommend a book about marriage, I finally have an answer: Very Married!

SARAH BESSEY, AUTHOR OF JESUS FEMINIST AND OUT OF SORTS

Ive read my fair share of marriage books, but few are as deft in their storytelling or as honest in their reflection as Very Married. Pershey has written an extraordinary book, which shines an unfiltered light on the constituent parts of marriagelove, sacrifice, compromise, submission, and sex. Very Married does not shy away from the potential volatility of the time-honored institution, nor the God-ordained beauty of tender fidelity, and in this tension you will find its power.

SETH HAINES, AUTHOR OF COMING CLEAN

This is a marriage book I can get behind: grace-filled; doesn't take itself more seriously than it ought. It is a book on loving your spouse for the rest of us: regular folks working daily liturgies, choosing to witness life with the one for whom weve forsaken all others. It is a beautiful treatise on loving the gift of marriage, one I can give to friends without a second glance.

TSH OXENREIDER, AUTHOR OF NOTES FROM A BLUE BIKE AND AT HOME IN THE WORLD

How many adjectives am I allowed to use to wholeheartedly endorse this marvelous book? Witty, engaging, honest, thoughtful, funny, wise, nuanced, gracious. I could go on. I will read this book more than once. I will give it to many friends. And I will be forever grateful to Katherine Willis Pershey for her honest and hopeful reflection on the complex, conflicted, and glorious institution of marriage.

AMY JULIA BECKER, AUTHOR OF SMALL TALK AND A GOOD AND PERFECT GIFT

I thought it would take a lifetime of marriageof bearing witness together to all the heart and heartache of being humanbefore I could comprehend the profound beauty of this ancient commitment. I was wrong. All it took was reading this book. What Pershey has accomplished here is mysterious and sublime. Prepare to fall in love with marriage all over again, or perhaps, even, for the first time.

KELLY FLANAGAN, LICENSED CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND AUTHOR OF THE MARRIAGE MANIFESTO

Without question, this is the most authentic, most engaging, most truthful book Ive ever read about love and marriage. I intend to borrow shamelessly from this book for future premarital counseling and wedding meditations.

KEITH GRABER MILLER, PROFESSOR OF BIBLE AND RELIGION, GOSHEN COLLEGE

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Pershey, Katherine Willis, author.

Title: Very married : field notes on love & fidelity / Katherine Willis Pershey.

Description: Harrisonburg, Virginia : Herald Press, 2016. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016024310| ISBN 9781513800172 (pbk. : alk. paper) |

ISBN
9781513801278 (hardcover : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Pershey, Katherine Willis. | Chrisitan biography--United States. | Women clergy--United States--Biography. | Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity.

Classification: LCC BR1725.P453 A3 2012 | DDC 248.8/44--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016024310

Portions of chapters 7, 9, and 14 are reprinted with permission from the May 13, 2014, January 7, 2015, and May 1, 2015, issues of the Christian Century, respectively. Copyright 2014 and 2015 by the Christian Century. A portion of chapter 14 was published on The Art of Simple website.

Lines from All over Ohio on p. 7 from Meet Me at the Edge of the World by Over the Rhine. Used by permission.

Maj Ragain, A Wedding Story for Ben and Katherine, A Hungry Ghost Surrenders His Tackle Box (Columbus: Pavement Saw Press, 2005), 33. Used by permission.

Lines from Order for the Recognition of the End of a Marriage, Book of Worship (Cleveland: United Church of Christ, 2006) All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture text is quoted, with permission, from the New Revised Standard Version, 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved

VERY MARRIED

2016 by Herald Press, Harrisonburg, Virginia 22802
Released simultaneously in Canada by Herald Press,
Kitchener, Ontario N2G 3R1. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016024310

International Standard Book Number: 978-1-5138-0017-2 (paper); 978-1-5138-0127-8 (hard)

Printed in United States of America

Cover and interior design by Reuben Graham.

Author photo, Marie Taylor Photography.

All rights reserved. This publication may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in whole or in part, in any form, by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without prior permission of the copyright owners.

For orders or information, call 800-245-7894 or visit HeraldPress.com.

20 19 18 17 16 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Ben, with whom I have crossed
mountains and found home.

Lovelet it be not just a feeling /
But the broken beauty /
Of what we choose to do.

OVER THE RHINE