other books by r.h. Sin Whiskey Words and a Shovel Whiskey Words & a Shovel II Whiskey Words & a Shovel III Rest in the Mourning A Beautiful Composition of Broken Algedonic
in fall. today was much easier the dry tears beneath my eyes represent the need to no longer mourn you this morning wasnt as hard as the last and tonight, i find comfort beneath the stars whispering my truth to the moon using the darkness of the night as blankets to cover my restless soul the stars are showing their lights upon me and i feel free i am free from you alone with you. loneliness was the reason i held on to you and holding on to you was the loneliest thing i had ever done lions. they threw her into the lions den and instead of feeling fearful she tamed the beasts the only way. in a world where everyone left me out in the cold you felt like home you felt like love they fear you. theyre afraid of women who refuse to sit quietly when force-fed a bunch of bullshit they fear strong women and so they call them bitches as if their strength is an issue the appeal. her sex appeal went far beyond the walls of any bedroom offering. she deserved the world and all you ever gave her was a town filled with misery nagging. she wasnt nagging she was just demanding you to do more than you were willing to just myself. for so long my best relationship was with myself when people let me down all i had was me sacred. she built a wall in front of her heart because she knew her love was sacred you and your story. women are living poems poetry in motion stories of tragedy and strength pages of imperfection the most beautiful stories youd ever read soul first. fall in love with my soul first then from there discover more ways to love me hes not. hes not a prize nor has he ever been a gift dont let him exaggerate his importance to your life sharp. women with sharp tongues cut through weak men like knives to bread the friend. by the time you believe hes yours hell be wrapped between the legs of the woman he told you was just a friend just trust me. the one theyll cheat with is the one theyll say you shouldnt worry about and theyll always request your trust while betraying you in ways youd never believe with ease. you are not difficult to love your soul mate will love you with ease fresh hell. you were just like my last you were exactly like the one before you you promised me heaven but you were simply a newer version of the hell that ive known many times before nonsense, your love. what is there to love about a person who doesnt love you how are you in love with someone who hasnt provided anything for you to love better now. i think im better now i crack smiles and really mean it i laugh louder than i had before the thought of you doesnt hurt i think of you and i smile losing you was not a loss you walked away, i dodged a bullet you left my life and now im free another decoy. you were just a false representation of the love that i once thought you were capable of providing tales of detachment. it was never instant i think when you tell people it ended they assume that it was easy like an axe to wood it took several swings to detach myself from you you broke me down and so i began the tiring process of severing our soul ties in an effort to set my essence free i walked away only to return to your empty promises of change asking myself why unsure of my own strength telling others that it was easier said than done until i finally did it it was never instant it was so fucking hard but damn it, i tell you it was worth it the past lingers. your past loves still linger on your breath their dead skin under your nails as you once attempted to scratch your way to the surface of their hearts with hopes of finding something some indication of their feelings for you giving yourself to those who had nothing to provide but a penetration that never satisfied you to completion keepsakes in boxes and bags like little museums displaying the proof of relationships that fell short of what you aspired to create you were trying to fill yourself with their emptiness detached from reality their lies became your religion and like thieves they stole from you then disappeared into the darkness of every night leaving you broken blaming yourself wondering what you did wrong as they did nothing right ease the pain. all the things that make you happy are either harmful or temporary and thats what truly hurts self-medicating the pain using things or people that may partially destroy more of who we are when its real. heres the thing and i need you to take in every word when someone truly loves you and im not talking about that watered-down shit that you got from every ex who caused you nothing but a great deal of emotional trauma when someone really loves you and wants to be a part of your life they let go of their past to better accommodate you in their future they dont hold on to past likes, lusts, or loves youll never have to compete with anyone theyve had history with because those relations no longer exist how or why. how do you claim a man who refuses to choose you why do you continue on expecting him to love you when he acts as if he doesnt like you please never forget. they left you when you needed them the most youve been hurting youve been alone without anyone to lean on fuck this idea that you need them to provide closure fuck those random texts and phone calls that only occur when they have nothing else to do but lie to you all over again they dont love you nor have they ever truly cared they dont miss you thats just the bullshit they express in an effort to manipulate your emotions you deserve so much more than what youve had secured. heres what you failed to understand instead of harming her heart you were supposed to protect it for the better. and sometimes a woman has to walk away from the one she loves because she loves herself too much to settle for a relationship that causes her pain underneath. i wear my sadness beneath my smile but im not trying to pretend to be happy im just trying to remain strong April 2014. id often feel like my soul mate was the hide-and-seek champion a message to men. heres the thing if youre not man enough to occupy her heart and love her correctly dont block her view of someone better seconds until. all those second chances but everything remained the same she decided to let him go because he decided not to change this was your story. she thought about the time shed invested in a dream sold to her by someone who made her fall without any intentions of catching her the love she developed for him made her hopeful in terms of change deciding to go back she dealt with more pain as insane as it may seem to you and me she loved him through it all yet still wanted to break free i dont know. i guess we get so used to loving the wrong person that it becomes increasingly difficult to be more open and willing when the right one comes along it was you all along. thats the thing im almost ashamed to admit that ive spent a lifetime searching in others for a love that could only exist inside of you and i know that now green thumb with love. if for some reason i owned a garden only seeds of you id plant so with every rose that grew id end up always picking you no judgment here. even though things changed you failed to walk away when you should have simply because its always harder to leave behind something or someone who once made you smile and because of that it may take you a while hold on. if you should ever find someone who considers an emotional connection with you far more important than the physical hold on to them know all, say nothing. im way too observant to be fooled i notice and discover things yet i say nothing because its entertaining to watch someone dance circles around the truth reminders for men. just because a woman is nice to you doesnt mean shes interested and just because she rejects you doesnt give you the right to call her a bitch the optimist. even when things arent right in her life she still finds the strength to smile find the words and actions. its simple be more expressive never let her wonder or question her own importance when it comes to your life choose her more often earn it. you cant complain about the guard she keeps in front of her heart while giving her every reason not to trust you hell never understand. he hurts you continues to and you only go back because hes familiar youve become so used to having him in your life and the thought of anything different just scares you you dont want to start over youve invested so much time and energy into him as well as the relationship but you deserve more youre way too valuable to be sharing yourself with someone who isnt man enough to understand the importance of love, loyalty, and respect and yes im talking to you the dead. if real love is life then my generation is dead vice. you were my favorite vice but i had to bury you with the rest of my bad habits the manipulation. your manipulation drained me i knew you were no longer deserving of my effort but i tried until trying made me weak the funny thing is walking away made me stronger everything the same. different faces same stories same heartache same ending for the broken girls. theres this negative stigma attached to anything that is broken theres this idea that broken things somehow lose their value i dont believe that and neither should you youre a woman and though i cant begin to understand what that truly means i can sympathize as i do my best to remind you of how powerful you are never forget about your strength in times of heartache remember all the things youve survived remember the many moments when youve played the hero successfully saving yourself this is for you for the broken but strong protect solitude. find your peace and protect it you will never have to compromise your joy for someone who truly cares for you self-serving love I. everything youve been searching for lives within your own heart all the love youve been longing for can be given to you, by you the emptiness of it all. i miss you means nothing without effort i miss you means nothing without action dont let your heart be manipulated by random texts that read i miss you and the story goes. i wanted you i needed more you didnt deserve me the end you are. the broken can be beautiful... you are proof of this self-serving love II. you are the love he couldnt give you not for them. your soul is golden but he prefers copper and thats okay youre not for everyone not rejection. maybe it wasnt rejection maybe he couldnt keep you maybe he walked away so that someone better could walk in self-serving love III. sometimes wanting someone isnt enough sometimes you have to choose yourself not the damsel. you didnt need saving you only wanted something real concealer. your smile is painted on but your pain is real say nothing. when a woman is tired silence becomes her language when a woman is fed up fighting for what she thought was love is no longer an option he was. he blamed your trust issues but he was the reason he judged you for being cold but he was the reason that process. people leave too soon feelings stay too long begin again. being single could be the beginning of something better than what youve had new declarations. i promised myself to no longer allow my physical desires to interfere with my peace of mind or the joy in my heart i see your truth. your lips, arched with happiness your eyes scream out pain competitions. i walked away because competing with your past was no longer appealing constantly made to feel as if i wasnt good enough to be chosen i no longer have the emotional energy to keep up this fight my silence now a symbol of my unwillingness to keep trying no room. maybe theres never room for something new or something better because youre always holding on to things that no longer deserve to take up space how love died. most relationships are prison terms most of what is deemed love feels more like hell romance has been beheaded and chivalry has long since been dead massacred by people who claim love but provide something that resembles hatred the ending is the same. she was convinced that giving herself to him would make him stay but hed always cum then leave more than. perhaps you left because i deserved more mind in gutters. soaking wet a woman creating rivers of emotion one year, nine months. shes the kind of girlfriend you marry inherited pain. children who were abandoned grow up to love people who abandon them what made no sense. " but he loved me... " she said while touching the bruises he left on her heart kept telling myself. the people who leave didnt deserve to stay the people who stay will be the only ones i keep on guard. but the women with their guard up usually love the hardest fed up entirely. silence nothing she said nothing she stopped fighting she got tired its over, shes done the end say nothing, say all. a womans silence is filled with truth loss for love. youve lost so much time so much of your life waiting for him to change take time. being single is a time to heal i told him. but when you lose a woman who is willing to fight for you youve lost the only thing that truly matters, her love questionable restlessness. what are we she wondered lying in bed holding her phone waiting for him to call knowing he wouldnt the walking dead. if its not my ex its yours constantly creeping up into our lives trying to maintain a level of importance that they dont deserve i guess we should bury them deeper this time everything you need. but youve always been beautiful youve always had value dont sex your essence away to appeal to his image of who you should be everything you are has always been everything you need wasting me. i wasted so much of my energy on someone who refused to make an effort i was always fighting but no one fought for me wrong places. the only reason youre unhappy is because youve been searching for peace in chaotic souls ive done this. we use our unhappiness as an excuse to invest our love into people who ruin our peace both broken. what were we broken and confused abused by the past with hopes of a future that consisted of something real both tired of a love that turned out to be tainted both weary of trusting liars investing our energy into the emptiness of loving the wrong person we found each other and lost each other just the same hurt people hurt people this much was truth still of value. single-parent mothers still valuable still beautiful still worthy still deserving of romance and love peace in the morning. theres a certain type of peace waking up alone without the person you thought you needed the person who no longer deserved to lie next to you at first the loneliness stings like a hornet protecting its nest but soon after there is peace i hope you get there and if youve already arrived i hope you stay there until you find someone worthy of you to serve and protect. i saw an officer the other day he stared at me with the same eyes of the cops who gun down the innocent and i couldnt help but pray for protection from the people who i once believed would protect me to carry on. my friends are not my friends my family have become strangers and the one i care for has grown distant im alone with no one in my corner im alone in search of the strength to carry on unreliable friend. maybe i shouldve built our friendship on something stronger than binge drinking, hot clubs, dirty dancing, and loud music because when the fun ends and real life begins you are never there you are nowhere to be found up waiting. i shouldnt answer i shouldnt even be awake between the vibration of my phone and this overwhelming feeling of loneliness ill let you in then hate myself after the unhealthy cycle of tearing down myself to a level that best suits your needs while ignoring my own empty and incapable. real emotions cultivated by empty promises and fraudulent love illusions that i could believe in illusions of everything i thought i wanted i thought you were the one but it turns out you were keeping me from finding the love that you were incapable of giving me no rewards. theres no reward for coming in second in a relationship that feels more like a race or competition i no longer desire to watch from the sidelines constantly being treated as if im not enough always made to feel as if i am nothing more to you than a hobby uneasy after hours. i should be asleep overrun by restlessness this uneasy feeling of anticipation ive spent too much of my time waiting for you to show up we do not. the woman loves we call her needy the woman guards her heart we call her cold we do not define the woman own wounds. if anything her scars represent a womans ability to heal her own wounds what you were. you were a disaster hidden beneath wrapping paper my own personal hell presented to me as a gift Octobers fall. you nearly broke me in two the night you admitted that you were afraid of being happy with me your reason. because the fear of being abandoned keeps us unhappy and alone first time. for the first time in our relationship i can honestly say that youve broken my heart and i dont know how were going to get through this no confusion. baby focus on your goals these men are confused just no. no effort no love no reason to stay best for you. a woman who fights for you is best for you fight for her unhappiness allowed. you were lying to me and i accepted it because i thought i deserved to be unhappy feeling unknown. the worst feeling is not knowing what youre feeling people ask if youre okay and your response is i dont know potentially I. i dont think it was you i didnt fall for you i fell in love with your potential to be what i thought i needed at the time my search. the more youre sure about what you want and deserve the harder it is to find someone capable of committing to you completely potentially II. the only reason i stuck around was because i was waiting for you to become the person you promised to be but i got tired i couldnt wait any longer organic growth. my tolerance for bullshit seems to diminish with age my circle of friends made smaller with time im less likely to trust far less open to what isnt familiar as even the things i know appear less appealing a bit more paranoid or maybe im just wiser a bit more antisocial or possibly a little more selective life appears differently the more you live it maybe im seeing more clearly the older i become my teachers. it begins with our parents those lessons of love defined by the way they treat others we watch closely we take mental notes that are only apparent to our subconscious buried deep within our minds left to resurface, later on in life we learn love by watching them interact and sometimes we learn about a love that brings pain and indifference observing the tension between two people who werent made for each other i guess thats what happened to me i saw my father yell and scream toward the face of my crying mother i watched him return later with half-dead flowers and empty promises to treat her better after demeaning her with words that i had yet to understand hed whisper i love you and shed seemingly forgive him id watch her love this man who obviously didnt feel the same but that was my lesson in love and my teachers were two people who would later separate never to discover the truth in what love actually is and sometimes i think that this will be my fate living a life claiming to have loved when all ive ever known is hate years ago. i chose you how foolish my desire to fix you while destroying myself my desire to love you which caused me to hate myself i changed the parts of me you didnt like i left myself behind to search for you and all i could ever find was more pain more lies i fell you didnt i fought i tried then left yesterdays ghosts. haunted by your potential youll never be the lover i deserve hiding. my anger is a mask that hides my pain miscarriage of love. i was waiting for you nine months to be exact you grew just enough for us to acknowledge your presence then one day, you left without a good-bye and i never got to meet you it still hurts me to this day your palms. for far too long ive allowed my heart to sit in unworthy hands wake in winter. i wanted to love you but my heart grew cold like flowers trying to push through the snow during winter we withered away 4 a.m. i couldnt sleep your secrets kept me up your lies were so loud your fire. throw her to the flames and shell become like fire no faithfulness. sweetheart stay away from disloyal men they carry heartache and disease 2:25 a.m. we find ourselves when we let go of those who make us hate who we are love hell. you claim to be in love but what youve described is hell fetishized. they love pussy but not the women they get it from my angel. i loved you but heaven loved you more i needed you but heaven needed you more i lost you but gained an angel honest lies. angels beware of devils who tell lies in an honest tone reentry. he entered then left you an empty shell dont let him crawl back inside of you acceptance. dont fix her love her as is and shell become more of who shes supposed to be shaming. men beg for entry then label women whores as they exit men chase pussy then degrade women for giving it to them truthfully. beautiful souls torn apart by beautiful lies cold nothings. you gave me chills i thought it was love turns out you were just cold loss. he bought her virginity with empty promises and lies statistic. it takes two to fuck and yet so often only one will raise the child elastic mind. i let you stretch my mind to its limit testing my mental fortitude chipping away at my sanity and i justified the chaos you created by calling it love 2:58 a.m. letting you walk away set me free all a waste. so many women waste their patience on the promises of men deposits. with every thrust he grew closer to coming and once he arrived he filled you up with hate this, you and i. we laugh we yell were happy were upset yesterday we were at odds but tonight, you are peace and i am in need of you why i kept you. we were both hurt and so i took you back because i saw myself a reflection of my own brokenness shown within your soul and i kept you here because i knew what it meant to be abandoned i knew what it meant to be alone the absence. you left but i didnt lose a damn thing nothing but peace was found in the absence of you upon death. every ex is a death that brings me closer to a life with my soul mate feels. i feel lonely when you touch me the unresolved. he filled you with disappointment you hate your father and yet you only date men who remind you of him a reason. you love men who dont love you back because you dont love yourself lakes to oceans. i hope you drown in your own tears when you cry for me father wasnt home. my father didnt raise me and so i wasnt raised to be like him and im grateful for that you used me. im in love with a version of you that only existed before you got what you wanted mothers and few fathers. women becoming mothers with men who shouldnt be fathers the story of my generation bad or good. a bad boy and a good man are two entirely different things my own brokenness. my broken was attracted to your broken maybe thats why i allowed you to break me like mother. your father continued to hurt your mother apologized, whispered, " i love you... " and she stayed you are just like your mother what is worth. she swore he was worth it he treated her like she was worthless my past. youve seen the stains of my past and you still want to love me youve witnessed the weight of my heart and yet, youd still like to hold it please note. dear love your insecurities are not burdens lonely people. lonely people do lonely things like entertain relationships that make them feel lonelier wild but calm. i believe that real love can make the wildest soul calm down first heartache. you know when i think about it my father was the first person to break my heart underneath it all. i found myself covering up the stains of heartache with a smile nightmares begin. dreams come true then turn out to be nightmares a no-good cycle. avoid making babies with no-good men because no-good men raise no-good men who will treat other women the way he treats you breaking bad habits. you were the habit i couldnt break until i did it was always easier said than done but i did it instrument. you are no ones instrument love, dont let them play you they. they always cum and never finish you make them cum and then its finished you never cum they never stay they always cum they always leave without a home. i realized in the end that i was at risk of being homeless making homes out of humans his expectations. he mistreats you like his father did his mother and he expects you to stay like his mother did love or war. the wrong love feels like a war it changes you forever a womans patience. she has her fathers wisdom and her mothers courage she has her fathers strength and her mothers patience she knows that she should leave but shes too strong to let him go she knows that she should leave but shes too patient not to wait heaven on fingertips. fingertips in the roots of her hair under the moon is heaven with your hands with your fingers you have the ability to take her there lying there. you closed your heart and opened your legs and yet the solitude you search for couldnt be found while lying on your back one time. i wish somebody would have told me that a one-night stand would lead to one missed call then one emotional voice mail letting me know she didnt keep it better pursuit. dont feed me lies then judge me for walking away to chase the truth past lives. all the women you were in your past are happy for the woman youve become all frauds. everyone before me was counterfeit and everyone after will be just as fraudulent no permission. dont let him dim the light that lives within your soul never reciprocated. i gave you everything and instead of giving it back you left me empty my heaven. my solitude is peace my alone is heaven to myself. you are alone in need of more of yourself touch me. its been a long day and tonight id like to feel nothing but your fingertips on my soul unsafe. your pussy is not a safe haven for men who dont care enough to protect you the virgins. nobody told her that her first time would make her one of the many who wasted their firsts on him all seeing. shes quiet but she sees everything she says nothing but shes not blind this very moment. right now your relationship is a nightmare and even then youre still someones dream girl you may be in a relationship with a man who hurts you but somewhere, someone who deserves you is ready to appreciate the woman youve always been haunting of old. be careful who you make your memories with because doing things with the wrong people can haunt you in ways you never believed all the time. theyll do anything to destroy your peace then text i miss you the moment they realize that youre finally happy without them your love is not mine. funny how your love works but only for you your kisses only arrive when youre in need of something the only time you miss me is when ive chosen to walk away maybe you dont care about losing my love maybe your only fear is that youll lose whatever i provide blame. you changed me my heart grew harder my patience dissolved and the warmth that i felt escaped me you made me cold last night. i think it happened last night the last time youd be able to ruin me the last moment in which id allow you to dictate my emotional reaction i lost faith in your ability to love me i stopped believing in you i found salvation last night last night was my freedom invisible wars. i fought for this every minute of every day losing this invisible war going to battle by myself fighting to maintain a relationship with someone who never deserved my strength losing at love. you care you fall you get hurt you try harder theres pain and then theres nothing you feel numb sweet lies. bitter lies taste sweet when spoken from the lips of the person you love rejected. silence feels like rejection maybe thats why this hurts so much i stayed. unworthy and unloved my only reason for staying was that change was scary and the pain you caused was familiar safe but dangerous difficult but easy you called this love but this was my own personal hell and instead of leaving this pit i decided to stay there in the silence. the truth is im drowning in silence reaching for the same hand that left these scars on me either way. they make virgins feel embarrassed for not having sex they shame women for making the decision to share themselves planting. i felt so many things at once my hearts cry was to find something worth believing in and the moment i began to let my guard down i was faced with a truth that nearly destroyed my very existence i remember falling this never-ending plummet into an unexpected portion of chaos that would forever change the direction of my life i wouldve done anything for you in fact i almost did everything for you constantly placing myself in harms way just to ensure your safety. everyone around me could see what i refused to hiding behind this notion that i could potentially love you i chose to ignore the red flags that positioned themselves in clear view but one day the truth would plant itself in the gardens of our union causing us to grow distant no matter how deep the roots from seeds of mistrust and disappointment grew the strength that i would later use to walk away and toward a love that i deserved never easy. none of this is easy each day longer than the last as i find the hands of my mind reaching for you always reaching for you and at the same time coming up short thats the problem with the heart wanting to be touched by familiar hands even if those hands were the reason for its cracks what i fear. patience is the monster i fear the most causing us to stay longer than we should waiting for a change thatll never happen the option. leaving was the only option because choosing me first was never your choice no passion. somewhere along the way someone taught you to associate anger with passion and for some reason the more he screams at you the more you think he cares trying. somewhere along the way you lost yourself trying to keep the things that werent meant to stay toward peace. somewhere along your journey toward peace you decided to entertain chaos confusing it for passion a type of passion mistaken for love a love that only hurt you in the end the restless lovers. 3 a.m. is for lovers and i do hope you discover a bond that keeps you safe in the hours of your restlessness i simply hope that you find someone to spend those early mornings with whenever youre unable to find sleep theres hope. flawed and broken i still believe that someone needs someone like you your ex. leave the past in the past the strongest fires cannot be cultivated with old flames all survived. the human heart breaks and continues to beat heartbreak is death yet we find ways to survive we find new beginnings within the end of everything we thought would last we are all survivors of loving the wrong soul our sides. we plant seeds of love in the gardens of those who have no intent to care for us teach them. make sure you tell your daughter about the madness they cause be sure to teach your daughter about the things they do and say to get what they want fill her with the knowledge that your experiences taught you September 16th. what leaves doesnt deserve to be kept do you want to. being unsure is not consent being uncertain is not a yes emotional pursuit. you are not yourself youve become numb, cold, broken, and fed up youve been strong but you are tired youve been patient but nothing changed sometimes it never gets better sometimes you have to walk away in order to find peace dont blame yourself. women are always doing everything theyre always fighting and not being fought for theyre always reading articles on how to improve for men who refuse to change a little piece of me dies when women write me about the men who hurt them it hurts me its time for men to step up or lose their women to men like me i cant imagine my lady dealing with some of the bullshit i see on social media, tv, or in the real world a woman shouldnt have to provide an incentive for a man to treat her the right way uncaged. women with wild hearts are worth it the midnight battle. i am strong but i am restless i am strong but i feel broken abnormal. i hate the way you pretend that for some odd reason the nothingness in your relationship is normal i hate that you call that piece of shit love remember, never forget. im not doing this to hurt you im just tired of getting hurt in no way am i quitting on you im just giving myself the opportunity to be happy while you made me feel something i made you feel important i was afraid to let go until i realized that holding on to you meant holding on to nothing i was afraid to move on until i realized that walking away from you meant walking toward a better future losing you wasnt a loss you, losing me meant that you lost everything journeyman. this much is true the path toward great love is filled with disappointment and our journey is defined by how quickly we move forward away from all the things that no longer deserve our attention yesterday until now. one day youll wake up and it wont hurt as much things wont improve overnight but there will come a time when youll look back on what used to make you sad and youll laugh because whatever was meant to destroy you will have made you a little bit stronger nothing inside. eyes filled with lies and the lips that tell them this hurts because i misplaced so much of my trust inside of you no peace in lust. let us lie here together covered in nothing but our truths until the sun rises unable to fall asleep due to the chaos that lives within us both restless because of sadness you and i, broken incapable of healing each other dark liquor. im mostly hurt i drink too much maybe im just trying to drown my demons knowing by morning ill be on my knees throwing up my sadness felt stuck. ive been hurting like my wrist cut feeling broken but im stitched up overall, i overtrust then overthink until i feel stuck too. you are not too emotional being able to feel things with your heart is not a handicap its not a burden stay here. you are beautiful you are valuable your life is precious dont take it always you fighting. youre fighting to be chosen by a man who doesnt deserve to have you as an option near death and listen. so many untold stories in every cemetery a garden filled with spirits who can no longer grow mouths that can no longer speak and hearts longing for a chance to beat again i hear them... mistakes and tombstones. congratulations in the subject line an email from an old friend ill intentions hidden behind a message that would appear to be genuine but it isnt just the latest attempt from someone i thought i buried in the cemetery filled with my mistakes devil in the details. sometimes its love or maybe you have a funny way of describing your hatred for me hidden behind your smile is the devil ive chosen to fall for reflection of lies. i should be happy but i struggle to smile spreading my lips to appease others pretending to be okay in an attempt to make them comfortable ive been lying to myself when love is hate. i could pour my entire heart out to you and youll say nothing you could tell me how much you love me and somehow itll still feel like hate after six. i think it was the silence and the tension that followed i swallowed my complaints and said nothing even though i noticed maybe you never loved me maybe you dont know how maybe im just lonely using you to fill a void many women. i think it was the silence and the tension that followed i swallowed my complaints and said nothing even though i noticed maybe you never loved me maybe you dont know how maybe im just lonely using you to fill a void many women.
