other books by r.h. Sin Whiskey Words & a Shovel I Whiskey Words & a Shovel II Whiskey Words & a Shovel III Rest in the Mourning
dedication. to the wounded from the wounded intro. i took my expectations and buried them all at the bottom of the sea because i alone was never brave enough to dive that deep i took my pain the anguish and turned it into power i found more of myself in the loneliest of hours i used my tears to create rivers for my boat on disappointment and betrayal i float i float i took your absence as a sign to move on now the melody has changed and i sing a new song my heart, broken blue my mind split in two and yet i gained peace at the loss of you i took the heartache and learned a lesson i began after we ended you leaving was my blessing a love worth keeping. i wish i wish for love like this a love like summer being kissed by the sun a love like winter hugged and covered with snow a love like the night being lit by the moons glow i pray i pray that this never fades away many claims of being in love but none of them ever stay i hope i hope i rely on our love i rely on your heart i wish, i hope i pray we never part devil, defeated. what is it that you love about him is it the way he lets you down incapable of lifting you up is it the way your heart breaks when he says something that shatters your self-esteem is it the fact he never shows up when you need him tell me again what is there to love about a man who doesnt love you from pain, came this. my horror story began with you and ended with your departure the confusion and the pain of it all turned me into an author a poet for the poets a voice for the voiceless i speak for the weak i rally for the strong at 7:22 p.m., to my love. will you miss me when im gone what will the room sound like without my voice what will the room smell like without my scent my random sayings my cough my laughter me yelling when angry the sound of me weeping when sad my smile will you miss it my lips, my tongue the kissing when i vanish into air will you care will you grieve will you stay here in this home or will my absence make you leave all i ask is that you remember and that you never forget about me November 13. lonely like the winter i searched for warmth and found nothing but cold air with nothing but pain living there seeds that grow. the suffering will make you strong the pain will help you grow you haunt the devil. transforming heartache into lessons refusing to remain down when falling not afraid to stare your abusers in the eyes the devil fears women like you soft light. your softness is your gift your sensitivity is beautiful most of who you are will go unappreciated by men who dont deserve you anima I. loving yourself will save your soul anima II. you will find your soul mate when you fall for yourself first life jacket. you cant save the person who refuses to appreciate or acknowledge your effort this is what i had to learn this is what ive come to accept a terrible terror of love I. its scary how you can do so much for someone and yet theyd rather focus on what you dont do the false remains. i edit the memories of you pretending you thought more of me than what you actually did im much happier lying to myself about us mobile distractions. shouldve held my hand more instead of your phone a restless nightmare. my mental walls are crashing down on me wide awake in this nightmarish thought please save me from my own mind everything 7:22. she is both complex and easy to love mating souls 7:22. give me eternal promises an infinite love and ill give you mine whatever helps. you have been strong for so long cry if you need to scream if it helps much more. you are tougher than your demons you are greater than the pain both ways. take a lover who will choose you like you choose them begin again, again. youre cold but youll love again when snow melts the flowers grow again learned lessons. gather the sorrow and let it teach you collect the heartache and heal different :22. i fell in love with your strange my heart fell for your crazy in your lips. with one kiss you make the madness of the world disappear removing you. screaming fuck you into the wind on a chilly night the moon is full as i empty myself of you retrieve self. sometimes i wish i could get back all of myself that i wasted on you internal blaze. the memory of you burns like a flame in my skull love :22. but when you touch me i remember how it feels to feel okay the lonely ones. youre trying to be everything to someone who doesnt care for you more lessons. having my heart broken helped me understand the true weight of holding on to the wrong person the terror. youre terrified of feeling complete you have a fear of becoming whole and so youve accepted being broken we, like flowers. too soon the flowers dry up then die without warning the depth. there is so much more to you than your reflection in the mirror you are too deep for the understanding of shallow souls 1:25. you are forgiven but there is no longer a space provided here for you mid-December lesson. not everyone you love deserves your patience not everyone you love deserves your fight not everyone you love deserves your heart not everyone you love understands that love late December love. were conditioned to love what we know and if all we know is pain this is what we tend to choose before 13. i couldnt stay my heart was too heavy for your hands my mind was too complex for you to comprehend and my soul was never yours to keep early mourning. in mourning i found truth in mourning i found clarity in mourning i found peace because i understand. theres a black hole where your heart used to be and i wont judge you for that less. i give minimal attention to those who do nothing but tear me down emotionally until i eventually give them nothing at all among the living. i went on living even when i felt like i couldnt anymore even when i felt like i didnt want to ongoing. your love is infinite find someone who understands this the after. in order to heal properly you must walk away from what broke you a grave love. for so long i was dating death falling deep into a grave that looked like love tender beginnings. who were you when you first fell in love a tender, timid heart a soul in search of longing vulnerable and beautiful unprepared for heartache the first one we love is often the one to teach us about pain Monday after 6. awkwardness and tension short questions met with short answers communicating without communication or comprehension no understanding we are no longer who we were before neither friend nor foe nothing, no one just two strangers who used to know one another a love i hate. a flame made weak by lies a love that fell flat after betrayal a heart, broken down by the very person who promised to protect it you were never my forever you were only my end Raymonds literary grave. you were never as good as you pretended to be something short of what i am and so youre jealous of me growing green with envy your soul is undone youve had many losses in your life you may count this as one blitz. with love comes several failures many attempts met unsuccessfully no start. and so we search for endless love in places where itll never begin battle tested. a woman is a warrior with infinite strength twenty 2. you began to talk like me your facial expressions like my own this is when i knew you were mine the sorrow. theres nothing more confusing and painful to a woman than being told that shes amazing by a man who treats her like shes not good enough to commit to and the saddest part of it all is that this woman will fight to prove her value to the one man who doesnt even deserve her the fight. the fight to prove yourself to someone who doesnt deserve you is a losing battle what is there to achieve when the one you want has nothing to give you in return where is the benefit in going to war for someone whod rather fight against you instead of beside you the questions I. here you are, alone taken but alone in a relationship that feels like a big question mark constantly wondering and wandering off into a thick silence struggling to find the words at odds with your own heart what should feel good has become painful to bear you wear sadness well but i can tell that youre tired youre fed up, you want out the wrong mate I. being with the wrong person is a time suck loving someone who refuses to love you drains the heart the soul becomes weary the longer you stay the opportunity to find your soul mate becomes greatly reduced the wrong mate II. real love arrives when the heart no longer clings to the wrong love real love can only be found when the heart no longer searches for it in the wrong places the problem. theres the problem you say you want love but youve settled for someone who treats you like they hate you the silent. you can tell, you just know you always do no man on this earth could keep secrets from a woman like you but i hate this idea of knowing everything and saying nothing i hate this idea of a woman being silent the realization. heres the thing i realized that being loved by you was completely overrated the lies. sure enough an honest love exists but were too busy entertaining the lies told by the people we think love us the choice. i didnt quit i simply chose myself instead of continuing to try for someone who wouldnt try for me the better. placing you behind me pushed me closer to something better the thought. i like to think that all the pain and heartache is simply preparing me for a love that heals the craving. sometimes the love you crave cant be found in the person you want and wanting someone is not enough to have them love you the women. thank you to the women who never get a thank-you thank you to the women who never get acknowledged thank you for your softness thank you for your toughness thank you for your strength your endurance your ability to take pain and transform it into power the ability. i admire your ability to fight i admire your ability to go to war for all the things you know you deserve the bridge. sadly, i watched from the other side as you burned the one bridge that you never deserved to cross the further. you went missing when i longed for you the most while my heart didnt grow fonder my mind grew further how quickly i went from sadness to feeling nothing at all the coffee shops. theres this thing about coffee shops for the life of me its hard to put into words the experience my soul feels when all of my morning thrills sit at the bottom of that circular ceramic cup the atmosphere the people the lovers sitting hand in hand the friends, laughing silently me, gazing into the eyes of my lover speaking without saying words sipping slowly the sweet life the brown hue of enjoyment and delight sitting near the window in search of the perfect light the tights you wear. wrapped around both thighs black hues and heather grays beginning at the waist ending just at the ankles forcing me to pay homage to your curves the days. 30-plus days without hearing the voice of my nephew 30-plus days of frustration and disregard 30-plus days i was angry in the beginning 30-plus days im more accepting of it now its been 30-plus days of missing this interaction 30-plus days of wondering what the fuck happened 30-plus days one day ill tell him about it 30-plus days ill write about it for now the return. i should hate you but even then that would be way more than you actually deserve and so ill give you nothing to match the nothing you gave me in return the becoming. for so long the only one deserving of me was myself for so long i transformed into everything i needed for too long ive been disappointed by people who were never capable of becoming what ive always been struggling to find a love in others that i could easily cultivate on my own the internet. everything is fake deep nowadays life plagued by internet gurus teaching about a love theyve yet to provide to the women in their lives fooling these hurt women who follow in search of clarity but confusion is all theyre selling stringing together words to create sentences to manipulate the masses of women who wish for nothing more than to be loved and cherished this hurts me... the social media. dont drink their water dont sip from their wells show no interest in what they offer stop buying what theyre selling silence their lies by not listening at all remove them from your timelines block their accounts dont repost dont like dont bookmark dont screenshot beware of deceitful people exploiting your vulnerabilities while filling their pockets by your desire to have the quick fix for your heartache that theyve promised to provide but never do the questions II. are you tired are you weary are you unhappy have you accepted this fate have you allowed them to destroy you have you settled for this type of relationship knowing that you could have done better or are you unaware that something better exists the cold. next to you felt lonely next to you felt cold your presence felt like absence your love felt like pain the nights. we move on or at least we think we do hiding our pain with a smile locking away the memories behind the bars of our subconscious but the things we force ourselves to forgot creep up beside us in the middle of the night the questions III. are you awake i often wonder have you thought of me like i think of you is this as painful for you as its been for me im tired of needing you suffering from the realization that you never needed me wasnt ready. were young, were just kids setting ourselves on fire for tainted love placing labels of forever on temporary people were so young and yet were so hurt were just teens acting like adults but no one taught us how to love correctly no one prepared us for this version of disappointment and we fall in love before were ready mold. pain shapes a woman into a warrior truly. a man who truly loves you chooses you every day he chooses you forever zero explanation. you dont have to explain why you left to the person who made you leave quiet. dont respond when youre angry you end up saying things you dont actually mean you end up hurting people youre not supposed to hurt you end up saying things youll never be able to take back 12 is hell. at midnight you haunt me at midnight i stay awake thinking about everything we used to be his confusion. a man who sends you mixed signals is a man who doesnt deserve you the night is coming. briefly the sky a devilish red the sun setting behind the earths face i feel so alone sitting next to you my soul screams out in silence beneath the tension consumed by darkness bits of broken. break my heart and youll find fragments of all the love letters i wrote to you on each shattered piece the failure. i fail so often at love that i choose seclusion over the expectations that come with being in a relationship certamine. you struggle with love of self and so when someone truly adores your heart you struggle with believing them positionibus. im always apologizing when you hurt me after assuming that i was trying to hurt you, when i wasnt no love near death. there is death in loving the wrong person i sit and watch so many of my peers die slow sine sensu. in love, alone overrun with the desire to feel nothing suffering from the curse of feeling everything for someone who feels nothing for you 12:53. people who dont feel good about themselves are always ready to make others feel bad about themselves spem. i hope you find someone who never makes you feel bad for being all that you are the empty and blissful. your apologies began to feel empty im sorry triggered no emotion to feel nothing for you was everything i thought it would be peaceful in the absence of your presence empty union. you not acknowledging the love i showed you will always be the worst part of our union always after midnight. im left rereading old messages sitting beneath the rubble of everything we used to be haunted, near the moon by everything we didnt become quaestio. the only thing you were good at was making me feel like i was the problem in poetry. tears become words pain becomes strength heartbreak becomes a testimony of how i found myself after losing you me, you. encounter me and find the love you deserve untitled I. stay close to the people who remind your soul to remain strong Marie. i want to live on the pages of your heart i want to find life in the stories that make you smile you, your heart. falling apart doesnt make you weak a strong heart is capable of breaking no solutions. i wanted to try i was willing to fight for this you wanted a way out you never cared as much as me takes time sometimes. every time you answer their call or reply to their text you have to restart the process of moving assist. she doesnt always have to save herself the queen doesnt have to be content with standing alone being strong doesnt have to feel lonely its okay to let someone take care of you while you work on loving yourself 3:27. the person who deserves your love wont treat you poorly love is not an excuse to stay with someone who cant love you correctly no courage. i could have been your everything but you didnt have the courage to love me in the way i needed newfound. sometimes i miss the anticipation that attaches itself to new love the longing and newfound desire to learn everything about a beautiful stranger all the tales we tell. incapable of facing the painful reality of a love thats been lost we lie in the form of false memories re-creating disaster and chaos into beautiful moments that never happened after all, in the end. oftentimes tragedy transforms into beauty delightful things occur in the aftermath of chaos just be patient to our seeds. one day i may have daughters and i dont want them to believe that their independence is a burden or restriction on love no restriction. your independence is not some curse or restriction your independence doesnt have to be an excuse as to why youre single you still deserve to be loved correctly your independence should be celebrated and supported while in a relationship being independent doesnt make you unlovable being independent doesnt mean you always have to fight alone independent women still deserve the deepest love and wanting to be loved and cared for doesnt have to compromise a womans strength and independence 7:14. strong women only intimidate the type of men thatll never be able to comprehend or understand their worth all of her. a body betrayed a heart destroyed a mind in confusion and yet a woman is capable of taking pain and transforming it into triumph healthy spirit. more mental health and a peace of mind protect your right to feel at ease coffee and a book. shades and shadows the smell of coffee beans sits in my nostrils the taste of Colombia on my tongue the pages of my favorite book between my fingers my morning bliss has just begun internet trolls. i give silence to your criticism as youve decided to exaggerate your own importance to my art i give silence to your opinions because in my opinion you are wrong i give silence to your anger because im happy and in love i give silence to your opinion while you remain below i rise above sick day. give your soul a break if youre tired of being hurt just rest awhile not a victim, victor. hate me, i love it get angry, ill just laugh March 17th I. i got tired of practicing the self-destruction of fighting for someone who would rather fight against me thats not love March 17th II. if youre in a relationship with someone who doesnt respect your mind and heart its time to move on without that person if youre in a relationship that doesnt support your joy and peace of mind its time to move forward without that person March 17th III. feel what you feel but also understand that most people dont deserve an emotional reaction from you you are valuable you are grand you are the essence of strength dont let them break you March 17th IV. youre always trying but who tries for you youre always fighting but who fights for you i hate this idea of everything falling upon the shoulders of a woman while shes in a relationship with a man who makes no effort i hate this idea of a woman feeling alone while being in a relationship March 17th V. i learned so many lessons in love the hard way i learned that loving someone doesnt simply make them the one i learned that love in its purest form can only be provided and accepted when you love yourself first March 17th VI. there is value in your presence there is value within your heart and not everyone can afford to be with someone like you thats fine March 17th VII. for me personally i would not have found love in someone else until i found it in its purest form within myself first you are the beginning it all starts with you the love you long for must first be cultivated on your own by yourself March 17th VIII. i think what weve found in dating is that sometimes the people we care for are incapable of caring for us the way we need we discover through relationships that sometimes the person we fall for cannot comprehend the love we provide March 17th IX. having standards is not a burden being strong is not a burden the mate you choose should always choose you just you March 17th X. the love you accept shouldnt hurt you the relationship you entertain shouldnt cause confusion a terrible terror of love II. its scary how dedicated you can be to someone who would rather use their energy to attempt to destroy you cost of communication. know your worth and never communicate reply or respond to anyone who cant afford to speak to you or with you she, you, woman. delicate yet strong theres a certain balance that only a woman like her can obtain she knows what she deserves and provided anything less shell walk away in search of more shes guarded, sure but shes ready to open up to the one who deserves her 6:42. youve been hurt youve made your mistakes youve been called out of your name youve felt broken youve fallen down youve had to pick up the pieces of your heart and start over youve been mishandled, neglected disrespected and youve felt unprotected all of which has caused you to guard your heart but youre stronger look at what youve been through youre a queen who always gets through youre a woman who continues to survive its evident. something within you is hurting, youre in pain and it shows in the songs you relate to the quotes and poetry you double-tap on social media and of course its evident from the way these words make you feel but things do change, as you know things do get better and they will 6:53. so many things i need to work on so many fucking things i need to change false claims of real love. i find that its difficult to find a heart that wants to love you permanently so many i love yous from people who dont intend to stay 7:05. dont let the pain of any past relationship prevent you from finding something genuine and real in the future of something new weak critique. ive come to realize that negative criticism often arrives from the lips of someone incapable of accomplishing the things you can the roses. she is a storm of roses dangerous but beautiful 8:32. too often the heart finds a way to love the ones who will never love it back broken chains. loving myself more set me free of you daydreaming life. my life rarely fits the picture i draw up in my head having certain expectations has ruined me the levels. there are several levels to love dont be afraid to reach for the highest a short moment. the truth hurts and so we find peace in lies that create a temporary happiness the never-ending never. hating kills progression i know this because all the people who hate me will surely never surpass me 8:49. my ego and my soul have found the perfect compromise a void. i felt like a bookstore with no books on its shelves a profound emptiness in my soul demands never met. somehow id always feel a deep regret when asking for more knowing damn well that having any sort of expectation would ruin me in ways that i could never imagine while my requests were met with nothing or lack of effort i was simply demanding everything i knew i deserved everything you werent willing to give and i know that now knowing you. who are you when no one is watching can i trust that person to remain loyal without my watchful eyes who are you when my back is turned can i trust that person to be honest in my absence i see a lifetime in brown eyes. the morning comes too soon your eyes a weary shade of brown your hair twisted and tangled restless and yet you smile the sun rises on your face shining brighter than before you lean in to whisper i love you but in this moment, i love you more March 23rd. ive become a flower and rose enthusiast because ive fallen in love ive come to the realization that loving a woman means making an effort to make her smile at all times why give her grief and sorrow when you can give her roses that scream i love you 24 hours. i do whatever i can to protect my partners peace of mind when you love someone you keep that relationship secure and safe love shouldnt feel like chaos and hell a truth I. holding on to someone who doesnt care about losing you causes you to lose yourself and self-esteem i witnessed. watching you decide to miss out on real love because youd rather hold on to someone who doesnt love you is the hardest part a truth II. your opinion of me will never define who i truly am and whatever you think of me holds no importance in my life surviving oceans. were drowning for people who refuse to pull us from an ocean of despair were drowning for people who tipped us over forcing us to be submerged by our own pain were drowning as they watch without a care in this world were drowning and only we can save ourselves mature men. having many women means nothing being able to juggle several women doesnt make you a man but the strength and determination to love and be faithful to one does further from truth. amazing isnt it the way that every lie that gets told contains just enough truth to seem believable but not enough truth to be true a truth III. the woman who asks for more isnt asking for too much the woman who demands more is simply in search of everything she deserves a truth IV. and thats the issue sometimes when you see what you want you forget what you need and what you accept is further from what you deserve noncombative. the beauty in being secure with self is that you never have to defend your ideas or your actions with people who dont matter ability. she has the patience to stay and the strength to move on valued. when a man realizes the value of the woman who shares herself with him he adds value to himself uncontrollable. seek the approval of no one never change who you are to fit the mold that others have created for you imitation. some apologize because they mean it others apologize because theyve gotten caught withdrawn but progressive. im constantly evolving i just wish you were involved and a part of this change ive been doing this without you but im fine beneath above. she desires a patient partner one who will dig deeper making sure she reaches her peak lower. understand that a womans love is something that runs deep if youre not ready and willing to reach her depths dont attempt the dive dont waste her time inner, deeper. when i hear the word woman so many things come to mind my thoughts are overtaken by great things and visions i value the essence, mind and the very being of a woman see, many men look at a woman and categorize her by the way she looks reducing her to her appearance but i see more than that im willing to go to the depths of the soul, the mind its core the most beautiful woman is far more than a beautiful structure or what she appears to be to the naked eye the most beautiful woman has gold running through her veins and magic living within her heart you are that woman... sex, poetry in motion. let us lie beside beneath one another using our emotions to convey express and act out the actions of our mind body soul and heart sex is poetry in motion with a touch of love adding meaning to what is already beautiful you and i beneath the moon covered in darkness let us create let us write when together. touch her in a way that no one has done before stimulate her entire mind with an abundance of words and leave an imprint upon her soul create a long-lasting memory and become something shell never forget a lasting impression is what you should always aim for appreciate all that she is and all that shes willing to offer its what she deserves 11:59. she knew what she had to do and as the clock counted down the new year would stare her right in the face urging and pleading for her to make the necessary changes to bring forth the love she desired and deserved 12:00. but thats the thing the most honest and hurtful truth i dont think they changed they simply became more of who they always were and the person you see now is the type of person youve tried your hardest to avoid but its hard to let go because youve already fallen for them 12:07. youve been holding on to someone who no longer deserves your grip youve lost countless hours of sleep thinking about someone who doesnt deserve to be on your mind youve displayed an amazing ability to care so deeply unconditionally and youre beautiful because of that one day youll be rewarded with a love that mirrors your own but first you must move on without the person who refuses to love you 12:21. i cant stay here im tired of being tired im exhausted from yelling and not being heard i no longer wish to fight with someone who refuses to fight for me i am no longer willing to wear this coat of unhappiness i miss my smile and ill only find it with you gone but instead of asking you to go ill leave killing the cycle. not again never, not anymore i cant i wont im done im gone 12:29. lately you havent been yourself your laughter isnt as loud your smile appears to be forced and i just think youd do well with focusing more on yourself for a while you, royal. today, just like any other day youll rise from the ashes a fire set by those who wish for you to fail and the prayer in your heart will remain stronger than the words of your enemies you are mighty and your strength is your crown broken nightmare. you refused to live within the nightmare sold to you as a dream you finally woke up sharp. open your damn eyes your suspicion can be justified by their actions as of late dont second-guess your heart you know the truth to the root. and they wonder why you have trust issues or act as if you dont give a fuck the way you are the way you love is a product of being taken for granted August 29th. some relationships are just hurtful distractions keeping you from the love you long for 12:50. be with me and only me choose me always because ill always choose you much for nothing. she poured her heart out to me on pages i refused to read texting me every night you are all that i need blinded by a situation blurring my ability to see she screamed i know that this means nothing but you mean everything to me so consistent were her efforts she was willing to wait she said you think you love this girl but youre my soul mate her heart cries in need of me but her smile is all they see it meant everything to her but never meant much to me hoarding of the past. my home is overflowing with things ill never need no space for anything new because im holding on to things from my past that have no value in the present in the ashes of. burn bridges for warmth burn bridges for light burn bridges to others who dont deserve to get to you 1:21. i am cold i am warmth i am numb i feel everything i am all but nothing i give love and i hate it Plath. reading Sylvias words wishing i could save her wishing i could tell her that it will get better stillness. you speak in silence so well finis. it all falls on me the weight of it all crushing my spirit like bone meeting iron im breaking down collapsing completely into myself until theres nothing left but the regret of trying so hard for someone who couldnt try for me im done the wrong, the negative. the right people help you feel the right things the wrong people encourage all of the emotions you dont want to feel stay away from the wrong people belief in the process. learning to detach from things that serve no purpose in my life busy. being busy keeps the soul happy doing nothing makes you feel like nothing transformations. they chose to be sheep she decided to be a wolf deeply mad. love me madly like crazy is the new sane i feel both entirely. i am both happy and sad i feel weak but i am strong i am broken but ill be whole there is hope within pain there is hope after heartache and ive felt both of everything i know that it gets better book of souls. read her like books that intrigue the soul careful as i choose. im careful about the people i choose to entertain because attention can become love and love can feel like hell when given to the wrong person you live in these words. come see yourself in these words come alive within my poetry find clarity and peace within the pages of this book allow my art to touch your soul allow these words to grasp your heart child of the moon. you are a living extension of the moon in the night a light that shines the brightest during the darkness the hurting of self. youve been chasing all the ones who will never love you distracting yourself from the one who deserves that love in gardens we wait. each of us, roses waiting to be picked chosen by the hand who isnt afraid of our thorns searching the emptiness. isnt that how it always begins attraction sparked by the surface something pleasing for the eye something hopeful for the heart here you are spending your days and nights in search of someone to take the pain away but what you discover is someone who creates more pain for the culture. someone tagged me in a photo with my words on their skin i lost a lot of friends on this journey but something like that feels like a win more aqua. drink more water and stay away from people with negative attitudes and petty behavior maintaining peace I. being with someone who refuses to protect your heart will distract you from the things that would otherwise make you happy the saddest part of it all is that well claim to want peace and yet well settle for a chaotic relationship then complain about it maintaining peace II. the worst kinds of people are those who are unhappy with your need to experience happiness detach from these types of people a table for one. your words are no longer yours your voice the tone of someone elses youve changed who you are for validation and profit still, youve discovered that success only arrives to those who remain authentic and this is why you continue to lose overdone, exhausting. trying until trying is something that ill no longer do loving you until i realize that itll change nothing these things take time and im patient a refusal, a strength. im finding more of myself in my journey toward peace learning to let go of the anger that once plagued my soul and altered the direction of most of my days im finding my voice beneath the heaviness of the pain that once caused me to shut down refusing to remain silent about the things that broke me i refuse to be a prisoner of heartache afraid, my silence. we lie to ourselves we hide behind our own masks we suppress our truths with tall drinks and loud music self-medicating with sex self-harming with acts of recklessness wed rather pretend to be happy instead of cultivating long-term happiness smiling to cover up the emotional bruises left upon our soul by lovers who never loved us giving off the appearance of strength while breaking down deep within and yet no one ever knows because being strong often means being silent i hate that i allowed my voice to be silenced by my inability to ask for help i hate that i allowed this pain to consume me in a way that no one will truly know about afraid to admit to myself that i cared because accepting the truth would reveal the hurt that found its way into my heart 4:00. up early while the world is still dreaming its 4 a.m. and the city that never sleeps is sleeping as this is written wide wake lying beside my dream girl proving once more that dreams come true and you dont have to be asleep to bear witness to it all :22 after 4. 22 minutes after 4 my soul at peace my mind, widely aware my heart pumping giving me life and a purpose to write yesterday is yesterday irrelevant, most unworthy of this moment the present being a gift only given to those who open their eyes i am here among the living and even if life is hard its beautiful because im alive its worth it, you wait and see 4:32. the unfortunate truth of going to bed angry is that you wake up weary drained by the sadness that follows and it swallows you up with whatever good you had left you wake up tired longing for peace but it easily escapes you because in that moment youre too tired to pursue it change the way you go to sleep and youll wake up better stronger, wiser clarity in mourning. i tried you didnt i loved you refused it was me and never you it was you not wanting me stuck, searching for you when all i needed was myself the love you deserve. they want you but none of them deserve you they like you but none of them will love you take your time and find more of yourself before searching for more of someone else the love you desire needs to be cultivated within you first before you can find it elsewhere the optimism and delight. a different you sitting in a brighter hue gone are the days of darkness gone, the days of sadness a smile that bears light like the sun rising against the ocean a laughter that bears life like a tree standing in the forest this is my hope for you and i know youll find it someday when night falls. good mornings can replace bad nights never underestimate the sun burning out the darkness create more. dont let your past corrupt the present dont let the painful memories youve created keep you from the creation of something better from it, stronger. the pain will bring you strength the heartache will give you purpose more you, mighty. somehow the sorrow made you this wise stronger beautiful more of you pursuing nothing. the wrong love feels like death and i felt myself slipping away while chasing after you with the absence of you. apparently i never needed you i know this now as i found everything i wanted without you here you, a delight. you are an unforgettable moment a lifetime of delight dont let them fool you into thinking that your presence means nothing dont let them fool you into thinking that somehow youre ordinary Dahlia. i havent spoken to my mother in such a long time so long, that pieces of me have begun to fade into everything we used to be and everything i used to feel becomes lost with time too long, the distance. it takes us too long to figure out that love doesnt have to hurt and the love we give is too precious to be given away to someone who refuses to give it back remember before. who were you before sadness overran your heart i hope you remember what it felt like to be happy on your own, within. find your calm reclaim your peace re-create the love you couldnt find in others become it. the only one worthy of you is you in this moment you only need yourself become the love that they refused to share with you be loud, no silence. find your strength find the courage reclaim your voice and say what you need to say do not be silent be loud be unapologetic be entirely you without regret distancing a memory. every day since we ended ive developed new ways to push you further from my memory i want you out of my mind as i recall. a strong memory is the destroyer of the heart starlit. count the stars that live within yourself youre brighter than you know :09. loving you drained my spirit :11. do it on your own do it for yourself do it at your own pace :14. i know too much and say too little while screaming on the inside fin, love. we ended i was never yours to have, to hold to keep mind, the enemy. i struggled to forget but youve forgotten me already read, lover. books stained with the tears of the reader with the broken heart books held tight like lovers in the dark sometimes all you have are the words sometimes all thats left are the books text ignored, no response I. please text me back are you still mad say something if not anything else tell me what to do ill do better i can be better help me understand can i have another chance submerged, fighting. im here in the deep end struggling to save myself while you watch me drown text ignored, no response II. please dont leave me i get it now, i understand i still need you we were happy i dont know what changed are you there are you listening dont shut me out fade into shadows. we were happy once the sun shined its light on us, together but the love faded into the shadows of the sunset and here we are filled with nothing showing shades of emptiness a void no longer filled with love and respect strangers again, again. we started as strangers we ended that way sometimes the beginning is the same as the ending my response I. fuck the writers who write irrelevant things about me because theyre incapable of writing anything as relevant as what ive written my response II. fuck the writers who gang up to accuse or abuse the authors who achieve more than they ever will or ever thought possible my response III. may your hatred become a shovel that digs your own grave my hope is that you rest in peace with the hateful words you spewed directly or indirectly these words, this book in memory of all the people who dislike me or others like me a funeral held for those who will soon be forgotten buried beneath my words buried beneath my success no longer. after begging for a truth that has been kept from you emotional exhaustion sets in youve been strong but now youre tired of being lied to youre tired of being denied the respect that youve fought for while fighting for a space in their life the begging and pleading is replaced with the silence of anger the silence of resentment the silence that seems the loudest as your refusal to speak screams of your disappointment and your newfound commitment to yourself a silent declaration of the desire to now detach your heart from the heart that hurts you after demanding the truth for so long youve reached your breaking point untold tale. sometimes i wish i could take my secrets back i hate the fact that you know me in ways you didnt deserve aching. it hurts the pain of feeling nothing the realization that being numb is best it hurts because id like to feel again but im afraid of feeling for the wrong person a quiet expression. the silence tells me everything a wordless expression a quiet resentment and regret you can almost hear everything that isnt being said a nonexistent us. i am becoming less afraid of a reality that isnt centered around us i am becoming more accepting of a life lived without you blurred self. all of this all of that all of me but it was never enough the pursuit of you destroyed my self-esteem a teen spirit. i want to slow dance to Nirvana with you, love agonize. we search for something to take the pain away but what we find is someone who causes more pain a wishing well. i really wish you well i hope things get better for you i hope you change your ways i dont wish the pain you caused me on anyone else and so i hope your heart learns to feel love in its purest form because if it doesnt youll miss out on something real just as you missed out on being with me potion. she refused to be anyones cup of tea she was more so the finest glass of whiskey vex. its fucked up because the people who break you are always okay while youre in pain discern, you. your smile breaks my heart because its not real and as much as i care theres nothing i can do to help but give you these words in hopes of letting you know that youre not alone i see you... comrade. you are your own best friend dont abandon yourself become everything you need retain. so many men know what it takes to make a woman fall in love but most of them cant comprehend what it takes to keep a woman in love not adequate. you were only good at pretending to be what i wanted but you were never good enough for me looking glass. sometimes everything youre looking for hides within your own reflection its time to start looking for you its time to start looking for yourself tussle. i know you can do this if you cant be strong be brave, keep fighting a sturdy heart. and if on this day all you did was smile even while you wanted to break down be proud of yourself for standing while wanting to fall factual. a man who loves you will not force you to compromise your emotional well-being or the health of your heart campaign. women are warriors without physical weapons the way they use their minds to conquer whatever attempts to break them March 25th. itll happen youll either entertain or fall for someone who made you feel as if they were the one it happens often you meet a person you get to know them feelings begin to surge throughout your heart and you start to imagine a future with that person it happens to the best of us things begin to change that feeling of security begins to fade as that relationship goes on you find yourself fighting to stay afloat on a boat that is slowly sinking you plug those holes with denial you plug those holes with lies telling yourself its okay you make excuses for the way that person treats you you start to lose yourself because youre more concerned with keeping a person that appears to no longer care about keeping you March 26th. when you go back to someone who mistreated you youre cheating yourself out of an opportunity to be with someone who will always consider your feelings her silence, a sign. sometimes a womans silence serves as proof that she no longer gives a fuck and youre no longer worth her energy more, most. you deserve the deepest most sincere form of pleasure December 27th. im beginning to wake up love is blind at times but time also has a way of waking us up to the bullshit that often attaches itself to loving someone who cant provide the same level of love we express we often settle failing to realize that there exists someone capable of reflecting the same level of love we give them January 1st. loving the wrong person provides a lesson in what to look for as far as warning signs within your future relationships January 1st, 8:55 p.m. its amazingly sad when someone fails to understand how much you truly care for them but you cant hold on to that pain one day theyll look back with so many regrets and youll be with the one who loves you back youll be with someone who would fight to keep you January 4th, 5:43 p.m. my heart is open once more after being closed while with someone who promised to keep it safe time alters whats familiar people change you never see it coming hesitant to love again but again my heart is open youve felt what i felt so let us fall together and ill help you fix what he has broken January 7th, 8:49 p.m. before i get the chance to place my hands on your skin id first like the opportunity for our souls to collide our minds to be fully stimulated and our hearts to be in sync this is the way id like to love you January 7th, 8:26 a.m. on this morning i feel at ease the stress has gone i cant truly explain what i feel at this very moment but its a feeling that has escaped me for far too long im okay on a path to being happy again 8:39:52 p.m. id love every part of you if you allowed it inside and out 5:27:15 p.m. and the silence is all you have to offer to those you no longer give a fuck about 4:23:08 p.m. what i desire more than anything is a relationship with someone who doesnt mind the idea of spending a lifetime with one person 7:52:20 p.m. i couldnt help myself before i knew it my hands were on her thigh her skirt beginning to rise with no desire to rush i inched my fingers a bit closer to her flower as i preferred the act to unfold organically i then touched her in a way that caused a weakness within her spine ever so apparent by the way she lay down on my mattress like rain, falling from a cloud its been a while, she whispered as i proceeded to take her January 10th. this craving to explore the unfamiliar places within you has overtaken my mind id like to get lost in you id like the opportunity to make you feel things youve never felt for anyone else 9:29:13 a.m. i woke up with the taste of her still lingering on my tongue erotic visuals burned into my mind her skin slightly wet from the activity we engaged in its yours, she whispered muffled moans became screams as i explored the deepest parts of her existence 9:29:38 p.m. im addicted to this idea of your legs wrapped around my waist holding me in place as if to say youll never let me go wet walls. can we pause for a second and thank the heavens for angels with strong wings and soft skin inner thighs like pillows legs that bow like oval shapes wrapped around my face like blindfolds made of silk i stopped wishing for moments like this the very moment you allowed me to live it completely, explicitly your openness as wide as your spread eagle your wet walls like the insides of our mouths warm and waiting ive been anticipating you just as much as youve been wanting me 6:16 p.m. utilizing my tongue as a stress reliever pressing pressure points creating a climax provoking pleasure with ease opening you right up because my tongue is the key guide me. id like to get lost in you mind, body, and soul travel the avenues that lead me to a greater understanding of you show me your fears, the horror the pain, the struggle reveal your thoughts as you overthink show me the flaws you try your hardest to hide the sadness that sits beneath your smile id like to know the real you the you that youre afraid to show the world the girl behind the shade of a fake smile i want to see the things that you think will chase me away id like to understand and later learn to love you for who you truly are profess, encourage. teach the many possibilities to a child never make a child feel like their dreams are impossible to achieve a healing. when i open the book i turn off the pain the reader. the girls who love books have the sweetest love to give a rare find, love. give me something that cant easily be found help me rediscover new reasons to smile the carving of. youve written your initials on my soul your love, carved into me let us begin, love. i want you wildly and recklessly i want you here right next to me i want the adventure in your heart so take my hand and we can start wanting, afraid. you are everything i want you are everything im afraid of this craving for love met with the fear of getting hurt but ill risk it all for a moment on your mind and a place in your heart 7:22:22 p.m. i see love in those brown eyes i see warmth in your embrace i feel a forever whenever im with you memory museum. i relive all of the moments weve shared and all of the memories weve created every time my lips touch yours the broken meet the broken. a love between two broken people can feel whole and complete maybe were puzzles and you were holding the piece i needed the entire time i just had to find you first scary in the beginning as your pain matched my own both hurt and burned by love we met one another we held one another then fell for one another both of our scars visible and yet the vision of us together still remained beautiful feeling, hiding. you ever get so sad that you laugh you ever feel so hurt that you smile were so good at hiding behind what we wish to feel were so good at pretending to feel nothing when we feel everything behind hate, behind pain. i finally realized that love hides itself behind the people who hurt us meaning, you have to look beyond the pain to find the love you deserve its always there you just have to stop letting certain people distract you from it no shame on the broken. broken people need to understand that being hurt is nothing to be ashamed of and just because youre broken doesnt mean youll never find a pure love aware, mindful. depression has eaten its way to my heart theres a sadness that lingers there my mind overrun by painful thoughts sometimes i hate being this aware harsh lessons. the one person who was supposed to help me fix this shit was the first person to leave when i needed them the most this was one of the harshest lessons id ever learn sometimes the only person you need is yourself the mental freedom. thinking about you sucked me further into darkness and as hard as its been ive been working harder to free my mind of you the slow burning of regret. i hope the memory of me burns through your mind and in times of desperation i hope you reach for me then realize that i can no longer be found youll feel what i felt youll sit with your face in your hands and your heart on the floor because you lost the greatest thing to ever happen to you me... silent night. sometimes you just need to be alone with yourself and the silence of solitude in order to figure everything out a stillness. be still and conquer again, all over. if i could do it all again i wouldve loved me more instead of waiting on you all of me. my personality is a secret and i can only share it with you once youve earned my trust small and great. so much power in one little woman the anti. no tolerance for drama no room for fake individuals i keep to myself because i prefer peace books, therapeutic. she sat in the corner with her face in a book hiding from anxiety trying not to panic connect to. while others were searching for wi-fi i was searching for a soul connection she, in wonderland. where do you go when you daydream wherever it is i imagine that youre happy there smiling into the distance beautiful while getting lost steel curtain. protect your energy understand that not everyone who wants you deserves you protect your peace of mind understand that most people dont even deserve to be a thought introvert I. i am more myself when i am alone empty, emptier. empty people filling themselves with people who fill them up with more emptiness more sadness more pain it lives there. silence is a home and it houses everything ill never say introvert II. sometimes i dont want to be around too many people sometimes i just dont feel like talking sometimes i dread human interaction and im not ashamed of that sometimes, the silence. silence for those who either arent ready to listen or dont deserve to hear your thoughts oh, shy soul. the most intriguing soul belongs to the shy human introvert III. in silence i listen i observe i see all i know all i understand and cant be fooled the trying. watching all the people trying to fit happiness into shopping bags noses buried in liquor trying to forget drowning out the pain with loud music trying their hardest to be content with being hurt from heartache. let pain inspire your power let heartache inspire your heart to grow stronger introvert IV. i am rarely alone when by myself i am more alone with others staying in tonight. say no more often tell them youre just not interested no more doing things that you have no desire to do for the sake of other peoples feelings the introversion. people are draining i find fullness in being alone outgoing, introvert. she, a chameleon capable of fitting in but made to stand out an outgoing introvert if something like that could exist but even in a sea of people she still felt alone dont talk to me. a phone or a book some headphones might do all of these things which prevent me from having to talk to people all of these things to help me appear uninterested spring. break me open and roses will grow between the cracks k12. im tired of being tired of being around people start here, with self. real love arrives when were ready real love arrives when we love ourselves hell in mind. we carry around hell in the form of memories moments shared with people who no longer mean anything to our lives more substance, more life. id go out and party then come home to the moon an empty home and cold bed this was no way to live i needed more one-sided vow. being married doesnt save a marriage loving someone doesnt make them your soul mate trying harder doesnt mean theyll try just as much going to therapy wont help a person who doesnt think they need to change your denial is your own personal prison all talk without action. hed say anything to make her stay but never did enough to keep her from leaving jealousy, all-consuming. you see they want you to do well just not better than them the support begins to fade the more successful you become heart filled with envy jealousy consumes their souls fake family and friends and youll have to let them go never anything more. you were never what i needed you never became the person you promised to be no end. a happy ending is not enough i deserve i require i demand a happiness that doesnt have to end reality says. we do too much for those who dont do enough we give our all to those who do nothing were searching for peace in relationships overrun with hatred over all else. i care more about my own happiness than the hatred that people feel for me i am a priority within my own life i choose me every time arm raised. most of my critics are only critical of me because i continue to move beyond the limitations theyve set on my craft and most of the hate ive received from other writers is derived from their inability to achieve what ive achieved i am totally accepting of their defeat i am completely content with winning above the rest. when you insult my words you insult my readers but insulting my art, me and my supporters does nothing but keep you stranded beneath us royal. when you insult my words you insult my readers but insulting my art, me and my supporters does nothing but keep you stranded beneath us royal.
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