Larson Jesse E. - Thor speaks!: a guide to the realms by the Norse God of Thunder

THOR SPEAKS!

SECRETS OF THE ANCIENT GODS

THOR SPEAKS!

A GUIDE TO THE
REALMS BY THE
NORSE GOD OF THUNDER

VICKY ALVEAR SHECTER

ILLUSTRATIONS BY J. E. LARSON

BOYDS MILLS PRESS

AN IMPRINT OF HIGHLIGHTS

Honesdale, Pennsylvania

The author wishes to thank Kevin J. Wanner, PhD, associate professor of Christianity and Comparative Religions at Western Michigan University; Paul Acker, PhD, Professor of Old and Middle English, Old Norse Literature, Critical Thinking and Writing at Saint Louis University; and especially Kim Zarins, PhD, professor of English, Literature and Medieval Studies at California State University, Sacramento, for their help in reviewing the manuscript for this book. Any errors or misinterpretations of Nordic mythology are the authors alone.

Text copyright 2015 by Vicky Alvear Shecter

Illustrations copyright 2015 by J. E. Larson

All rights reserved

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, please contact .

Boyds Mills Press, Inc.

An Imprint of Highlights

815 Church Street

Honesdale, Pennsylvania 18431

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-62091-599-8 (print)

ISBN: 978-1-62979-436-5 (e-book)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015931557

First edition

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

The text of this book is set in Century Schoolbook.

The illustrations are done in pen and ink.

To Bruce, Matthew, and Aliya

VAS

For my mother, who raised two Norsemen of her own

JEL

CONTENTS

CAUTION

T HOR WANTS YOU TO KNOW that Norse myths and tales varied by region, era, and storyteller. Also, he wants you to be aware that the stories of the Nordic gods and heroes were written hundreds of years after his people stopped worshipping him (hes still mad about that, by the way) and the other norse gods. Consequently, Thor is convinced that the authors of these stories tried to make the norse gods (especially him) look a little foolish to strengthen their new religion, Christianity. which is why he insists that there is absolutely no truth at all to the rumor that he was not the sharpest sword in the armory. To keep your head, you might want to remember that.

GREETINGS, MORTAL!

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. I am Thor, the god of protection and strength. The boss of thunder, rain, and lightning. The lord of oaths. The master of good weather. (The master of terrible weather, too, if you make me angry.) And, finally, the god of courage.

Thats a lot to manage, I know, but I handle it all easily because I am big and strong and fearless. Also, I have a magic hammer.

Did I mention I was big and strong?

Anyway, some of you may have seen me in comic books or movies, but Hollywood doesnt know the real me. I am much cooler than they lead you to believe.

One look at my muscles and most bad guysusually ugly trolls and giantsgo running in terror. Luckily, most of the time Im a happy, sunny guy. But if you do something to make me angry, watch out. I will blow up on youliterally. And not just with thunder, either. I will fry you with lightning so hard there will be nothing left but a smoking pile of rags. My rage can shake the earth, make glaciers splinter into shards, and topple great mountains.

But most of the time, Im a nice guy. Unless youre a giant. Wait, youre not a giant, are you?

NO GIANTS ALLOWED

T he one sure way to get me angry is to put an ugly giant in my path. Seriously, I hate giants. Its my job to keep them away from Asgard , where we gods live. So dont even pretend to be one of those snarling, knuckle-dragging, hairy beasts. I may lose it and forget youre just a tiny little mortal.

Another thing that makes me angry is any attempt to make me look stupid, which is a favorite pastime of Lokis (a god youll meet soon). For this reason, I would advise you not to attempt to use fancy words around me or tell me any weird riddles or knock-knock jokes.

It wont go well for you.

GOAT YOU THERE!

I bet you didnt know that I drive a chariot pulled by goats through the sky. Goats , people. Sure, I couldve used horses, but how predictable. How boring!

My father, Odin, rides around on an eight-legged steed and I wanted to make my mark by riding through the sky in a different way. Using goats made a statement. It said I was strong. Different. Creative! Okay, goats dont go as fast as eight-legged horses, or even a team of regular horses. And, yeah, they are a tad stubborn. And, true, they smell like the rankest monsters from Hels domain, our underworld.

But still. Theyre fun.

And like me, my goats are tough. Theyre also hard to control, which proves just how strong I am. Some folks say goats are a bit on the dumb side, but this is a complete and total lie. They are just as smart as I am!

To top it all off, my goats are magic, too. If I get hungry and am not in Valhalla (where we feast all the time), all I have to do is slaughter my trusty, horned friends, roast em up, and enjoy! When Im done, I place the bones inside their skins, gently tap my hammer over their hides, and... boom ! Theyre back, alive and ready to roll. Its the ultimate in travel and takeout!

Anyway. What were we talking about?

Oh, yeah. My awesomeness. In my day, everybody loved mefarmers, herders, partiers, pirates, and warriorswhich is why I was the most popular of all the Norse gods. And no, Im not bragging. I was everyones good-buddy god. Most folks wore tiny hammer charms in my honor for good luck and carved my symbol into all kinds of stones, decorations, and weapons. They buried Thor hammers in graves to protect the dead. They even held up hammers over the heads of newly married couples as a blessing! (Or, as a threat to keep one or both of them from running. Whatever, I dont judge.)

Everybody called on me for protection. After all, if I could protect the gods in Asgard from the terrible giants that wanted to take us down, I could certainly protect you tiny little mortals. Which reminds me before we go any further, I must warn you: if you dont like blood, you might want to close this book and read stories about pixies and fairies instead. I am not kidding around. My people were famous for their brutality. Vikings attacked, killed, and pillaged their way around most of the medieval world. Nordic myths and legends are pretty brutal, too, filled with evil frost-giants, monster wolves, ravenous dragons, and epic battles of destruction.

If you think you can handle our tales of murder and mayhem, then come along. Step up onto my goat chariot and lets get going. Dont be shy!

Velkomin to my world...