Curtis Sittenfeld - American Wife

AMERICAN
WIFE

CONTENTS

For Matt Carlson,
my American husband

American Wife is a work of fiction loosely inspired by the life of an American first lady. Her husband, his parents, and certain prominent members of his administration are recognizable. All other characters in the novel are products of the authors imagination, as are the incidents concerning them.

PROLOGUE

June 2007, the White House

H AVE I MADE terrible mistakes?

In bed beside me, my husband sleeps, his breathing deep and steady. Early in our marriage, really in the first weeks, when he snored, Id say his name aloud, and when he responded, Id apologetically request that he turn onto his side. But it didnt take long for him to convey that hed prefer if I simply shoved him; no conversation was necessary, and he didnt want to be awakened. Just roll me over, he said, and grinned. Give me a good hard push. This felt rude, but I learned to do it.

Tonight, though, he isnt snoring, so I cannot blame my insomnia on him. Nor can I blame the temperature of the room (sixty-six degrees during the night, seventy degrees during the day, when neither of us spends almost any time here). A white-noise machine hums discreetly from its perch on a shelf, and the shades and draperies are drawn to keep us in thick darkness. There are always, in our lives now, security concerns, but these have become routine, and more than once Ive thought we must be far safer than a typical middle-class couple in the suburbs; they have a burglar alarm, or perhaps a Jack Russell terrier, a spotlight at one exterior corner of the house, and we have snipers and helicopters, armored cars, rocket launchers and sharpshooters on the roof. The risks for us are greater, yes, but the level of protection is incomparableabsurd at times. As with so much else, I tell myself it is our positions that are being deferred to, that we are simply symbols; who we are as individuals hardly matters. It would embarrass me otherwise to think of all the expense and effort put forth on our behalf. If not us, I repeat to myself, then others would play this same role.

For several nights, Ive had trouble sleeping. Its not going to bed in the first place thats the challenge: I feel all the normal stages of weariness, the lack of focus that becomes more pronounced with each half hour past ten oclock, and when I climb beneath the covers, usually a little after eleven, sometimes my husband is still in the bathroom or looking over a last few papers, talking to me from across the room, and I drift away. When he comes to bed, he cradles me, I rise back out from the sea of sleep, we say I love you to each other, and in the blurriness of this moment, I believe that something essential is still ours; that our bodies in darkness are whats true and most everything elsethe exposure and the obligations and the controversiesis fabrication and pretense. When I wake around two, however, I fear the reverse.

I am not sure whether waking at two is better or worse than waking at four. On the one hand, I have the luxury of knowing that eventually, Ill fall back to sleep; on the other hand, the night seems so long. Usually, Ive been dreaming of the past: of people I once knew who are now gone, or people with whom my relationship has changed to the point of unrecognizability. There is so much Ive experienced that I never could have imagined.

Did I jeopardize my husbands presidency today? Did I do something I should have done years ago? Or perhaps I did both, and thats the problemthat I lead a life in opposition to itself.

PART I

1272 Amity Lane

I N 1954, THE summer before I entered third grade, my grandmother mistook Andrew Imhof for a girl. Id accompanied my grandmother to the grocery storethat morning, while reading a novel that mentioned hearts of palm, shed been seized by a desire to have some herself and had taken me along on the walk to townand it was in the canned-goods section that we encountered Andrew, who was with his mother. Not being of the same generation, Andrews mother and my grandmother werent friends, but they knew each other the way people in Riley, Wisconsin, did. Andrews mother was the one who approached us, setting her hand against her chest and saying to my grandmother, Mrs. Lindgren, its Florence Imhof. How are you?

Andrew and I had been classmates for as long as wed been going to school, but we merely eyed each other without speaking. We both were eight. As the adults chatted, he picked up a can of peas and held it by securing it between his flat palm and his chin, and I wondered if he was showing off.

This was when my grandmother shoved me a little. Alice, say hello to Mrs. Imhof. As Id been taught, I extended my hand. And isnt your daughter darling, my grandmother continued, gesturing toward Andrew, but I dont believe I know her name.

A silence ensued during which Im pretty sure Mrs. Imhof was deciding how to correct my grandmother. At last, touching her sons shoulder, Mrs. Imhof said, This is Andrew. He and Alice are in the same class over at the school.

My grandmother squinted. Andrew, did you say? She even turned her head, angling her ear as if she were hard of hearing, though I knew she wasnt. She seemed to willfully refuse the pardon Mrs. Imhof had offered, and I wanted to tap my grandmothers arm, to tug her over so her face was next to mine and say, Granny, hes a boy! It had never occurred to me that Andrew looked like a girllittle about Andrew Imhof had occurred to me at that time in my lifebut it was true that he had unusually long eyelashes framing hazel eyes, as well as light brown hair that had gotten a bit shaggy over the summer. However, his hair was long only for that time and for a boy; it was still far shorter than mine, and there was nothing feminine about the chinos or red-and-white-checked shirt he wore.

Andrew is the younger of our two sons, Mrs. Imhof said, and her voice contained a new briskness, the first hint of irritation. His older brother is Pete.

Is that right? My grandmother finally appeared to grasp the situation, but grasping it did not seem to have made her repentant. She leaned forward and nodded at Andrewhe still was holding the peasand said, Its a pleasure to make your acquaintance. You be sure my granddaughter behaves herself at school. You can report back to me if she doesnt.

Andrew had said nothing thus farit was not clear hed been paying enough attention to the conversation to understand that his gender was in disputebut at this he beamed: a closed-mouth but enormous smile, one that I felt implied, erroneously, that I was some sort of mischief-maker and he would indeed be keeping his eye on me. My grandmother, who harbored a lifelong admiration for mischief, smiled back at him like a conspirator. After she and Mrs. Imhof said goodbye to each other (our search for hearts of palm had, to my grandmothers disappointment if not her surprise, proved unsuccessful), we turned in the opposite direction from them. I took my grandmothers hand and whispered to her in what I hoped was a chastening tone,