Etan Thomas - Fatherhood: Rising to the Ultimate Challenge

RISING TO THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

with NICK CHILES

Foreword by TONY DUNGY

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N EW A MERICAN L IBRARY
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First published by New American Library,
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First Printing, May 2012
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Copyright Etan Thomas, 2012
Foreword copyright Tony Dungy, 2012
For contributor copyrights and permissions see page 291.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:
Thomas, Etan.
Fatherhood: rising to the ultimate challenge/Etan Thomas with Nick Chiles;
foreword by Tony Dungy
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-1-101-58535-1
1. Fatherhood. 2. Parenting. 3. Parent and child
I. Chiles, Nick. II. Title.
HQ756.T476 2012
306.8742dc23 2011045100

Set in Bembo
Designed by Patrice Sheridan

Printed in the United States of America

PUBLISHERS NOTE
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

ALWAYS LEARNING

PEARSON

To my wife, Nichole,

Thank you for always believing in me, supporting me, and encouraging me to go after my passions even if they are not widely supported at the time. I respect you, admire you, and look forward to the journey of raising our beautiful kids together. You are an incredible mother, and we make a great team. I am far from perfect, but I want to be the best father and husband that I can possibly be. You have been a blessing to me and I am thankful for you.

To Malcolm,

You are an incredible son. I couldnt be prouder of you. You have a kind heart, you are thoughtful, respectful, passionate, and you have a great sense of humor. You amaze me with your intelligence, talent, insight, and courage. You are going to be something special in whatever you decide to do. I am proud to have you as my son.

To Imani,

You are not only beautiful on the outside but you are beautiful on the inside. Your determination and passion really amaze me. Your smile brings joy to my heart. Every time I hear you singing or watch you doing ballet or gymnastics, I cant help but smile from ear to ear. You have a voice like an angel. You are a sharp little girl, and you can be anything you want to be in life. I will always be here for you.

To Sierra,

My beautiful little baby. I see how you watch your brother and sister and you are constantly observing. Almost as if you are taking notes. Your little laugh and smile is absolutely precious, even if it is at 3:00 in the morning. Looking into your face, I can never be mad at the sleepless nights or broken sleep patterns you provide. Youre so innocent and sweet. I am truly blessed to have the family I have. No matter what age, you all can always count on me for support and encouragement. I am blessed to have all of you.

Men in our society have been fooled into thinking that we can get joy and satisfaction from everything except fatherhood. If I make enough money... if I get enough accolades... if I get this contract... if I get whatever, thats really going to make me happy. Maybe it can, to a certain extent, but it does not give you a joy like seeing your offspring flourish. When my son Eric played in the high school state championship football game in Florida, I was way more nervous than I ever was on the sidelines at the Super Bowl. This is your son; you want him to do well. I couldnt even stand up when I was watching him play in that game. People say, How do you compare a high school game to the Super Bowl? Well, Im telling you, there was no comparisonI was a hundred times more nervous watching him play in high school than I was watching my team, the Indianapolis Colts, in the 2007 Super Bowl.

When I read through the chapters of this book, I knew right away that it was something really special. I knew it was going to be a book that helped a lot of people. I am so happy to be a part of it. When I come upon the words of Coach John Thompson, talking about how hard his dad worked but that he was always there for young John, then I contrast that with the essays of guys like Malcolm Shabazz and Isaiah Washington, who talk about how much they missed and how much pain they experienced because their dads were not there, that summarizes the whole message of this book for me. Joy and pain. Dad being there; dad being gone.

I grew up really blessed, because I had the benefit of my dad being there for me for forty-eight yearshe died seven years ago, when I was forty-eight. I took it for granted that he was there, because I thought everybodys life was that way. My dad was a college professor, so basically he was off when I was off. When I was home, he was always around. In the summertime when I was out of school, he was around. When I got home from school, he was home from his classes. Thats how I grew up for eighteen years; until I got to college, I thought thats what all dads were like. But when I got away and had roommates and saw other guys who didnt have that, it really made an impact on me. After I began coaching and came into contact with other young men, Id start talking to them and began realizing that for many of them, this was the first time theyd had conversations like these. I remember talking to a player who got hurt in Indianapolis, talking about his family, making sure they were set, telling him not to worry about his position because he would be coming back, and asking him to think about what the Lord was trying to say to him in all this. I was reassuring him that he was going to be fine. He looked at me and said, I could never have a conversation with my dad like this. When he said that, I just said, Wow. But thats clearly more the norm than the situation I had growing up, because I see so many players who have come up that way. We have a generation of young men and women growing up without that role model, who didnt see a picture of what family life and fatherhood were supposed to be like. Now they are wanting to do it right, but not really knowing how.