Laurie Frankel - Theres a Pattern Here & It Aint Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)

THERES A PATTERN HERE...

AND IT AINT GLEN PLAID

how to get out of a bad relationshipand get in good with yourself

Laurie Frankel

Copyright 2014 by LaurieFrankel

Smashwords Edition

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Many women grow up looking fortheir security and sense of well being outside themselves,typically in a love relationship with a man. Man comes, self esteemcomesyoure walking on sunshine. Man goes, literally orfiguratively, self esteem goesyoure walking where the sun dontshine. Because a strong sense of self is never internalized, thiscycle of searching for and losing the man who can supposedly groundyou, is endless. Unfortunately, the pain and loneliness areendless, too.

But theres hope. Learn tointernalize a strong, healthy sense of self and self love and youwill be a calm, confident and much more discerning mate seeker, fora women who truly values herself will find relationships, bothplatonic and romantic, that value her.

And thats the gist of this book.If you were looking for another gist please put this book down andtry, How to Find a Man in 60 Seconds or maybe its called, The60-second Man. I cant remember.

Read this book if:

-You or a friend (wink) are in acrappy relationship,

-You just got out of a crappyrelationship,

-For reasons unrelated toanyone/thing in particular, you just feel crappy aboutyourself.

I include the last line abovebecause it refers to a relationship as wellthe one you have withyourselfwhich, depending how its going, can be directlyresponsible for items one and two. Rest assured, as long as theressomething lousy going on, youve come to the rightplace.

Just so were clear: What is acrappy relationship exactly?

Quite plainly, are you happy? Notjump-around-like-a-lobotomized-idiot happy but generally contentwith the state of your union? Do you feel respected, supported andloved? Great, stop reading and proceed into the sunset. If, on theother hand, you feel neither respected, supported nor loved thenyou, my dear, are part of The Club. Read on.

NOTE: If your mate beats you, yourchildren or the dog, thats an abusive relationshipget out now,seriously. Search the internet for a social service agency near you(key words: womens shelter and your city).

And if youre still not crystalclear, for the purposes of this book an unacceptable relationshipis one in which you are:

-Denigrated and/or

-Treated disrespectfullyand/or

-Talked to disparaginglyand/or

-Cheated on and/or

-Completely and utterly dependentlike an iron-deficient woman in a Jane Austen novel, as in if youhad a fainting couch you would go faint on it. Right.Now.

Its important to note, this bookis not about saving rocky relationships. Say, for whatever reasons,the two of you make each others existence a living hell, but itsan equal partnership, a 50/50 joint venture. Thats nice, but saveit for Masochists Anonymous, because Im not interested. In fact,Im not the least bit interested in the other person in yourrelationship. I am only interested in you and your relationshipwith yourself.

Relationship with yourself. Wha?Huh? Sounds a bit new agey, doesnt it? Youre bracing for thepatchouli, right? Well, dont. Instead, think of it like this:Pretend you are on a boat at sea. All the people in your life areon separate boats out at sea with you. Everyones having a greattime riding the waves, enjoying the ocean air. Life is good exceptyouve allowed one of the other boats to keep your anchor, (thething that allows you to be grounded, get it?)great idea as longas the weather cooperates and everyone is on the same course, butwhat happens when a squall comes up, out of nowhere, as squalls do?You need to drop anchor to ride out the storm but, oops, youranchor is on another boat and that boat is incommunicado. There youare, tossed at sea, headed God knows where, pissed off at the boatthat has the anchor. But you gave that boat your anchor. What wereyou thinking?

Just in case youre still not readyto admit you are suffering from an awful relationship Ive compileda list of common deal-breaking relationship violations (many ofwhich Ive been lucky enough to personally experience). Sometimeswhen you see youve made the cut it becomes that much more real.You feel special (in a bizarre way youd only admit to your shrink)and then empowered to take action.

You know you might want to beginthinking about your relationship in the past tense when:

-He only calls when hes on theroad returning calls,

-After being an hour late withoutphoning, his apology maker, in need of repair, sounds like this,Yeah, I know. Thats just how my work is,

-You ask him if he ever thinksabout you when youre not together and he says, No,

-You are fourth or further on histo do list, i.e. Lets play squash at 9p after my Iron Johnmeeting,

-He cheats and says it will neverhappen again...with that girl,

-He tells you his wife divorced himbecause she was too insecure,

-He used to court you with flowers;now he apologizes with themagain and again,

-His idea of relaxing is beer, allsix of them,

-He withholds sex and then you findhim in a private spank session,

-His idea of a compliment is, Youlook nicer than you did last night,

-He buys sixteen hotdogs from thebikinied Czech girl on the beach, sixteen separatetimes,

-His yearly expenditure on you isequal to an economy pack of Big Red.

I think you get the picture andcongrats if you made the listyou know who you are! So, things arecrappy. Yay! I mean, yay, because now youve got the perfect bookin your hands. Help is on the way.

PC note: Because of my heterosexualorientation, I will not assume to know what its like to be in anLGBTQ relationship. While I hope my perspective, stories and advicecan help many, because I am straight, I will make male/femalegender references throughout this book.

SECTION I: You Talkin to Me?

CHAPTER 1: Who Moved my Self Esteem?

Unless you were raised by corn,chances are, there was a time, even if ever so briefly, when youfelt confident and secure. Someone at some point in your upbringinglavished praise on you for something you did and that just plainmade you feel good. Chances are you didnt get enough hooray you!but thats the memory lane were sweeping here.

Sometimes you have to look waaayback to find your early proud moments, the foundation of yourhappy place, like the first time you:

-Sang Que Sera, Sera, out loudwith your best friend and her guitar-strumming mother and you feltall warm and fuzzy,

-Threw a front handspring withoutsplatting as onlookers cheered or,

-Were invited to the popular girlsslumber party and debunked the urban myth of downing coke and poprocks (the results of which were not entirely pretty, but, atleast, no one exploded).