Stuart Gustafson - Questions To Bring You Closer To Dad: 100+ Conversation Starters for Fathers and Children of Any Age!

Q uestions
to Bring You
Closer to
Dad

100+ Conversation Starters for Fathers
and Children of Any Age!

Stuart Gustafson and Robyn Freedman Spizman

Copyright 2007 by Stuart Gustafson and Robyn Freedman Spizman
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions
are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by Adams Media,
an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street
Avon, MA 02322
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-59869-282-8
ISBN 13: 978-1-59869-282-2
eISBN: 978-1-44051-696-2

Printed in Canada.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

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From Stuart GustafsonI wish to dedicate this book primarily to my mother, Stella, whose own personal life was deeply changed by my fathers death while she was still in her prime at the age of forty-six. Her strong will and determination allowed us to continue as a family unit, when many families might have accepted the tragedy as reason for its dissolution. I also dedicate this book to all the fathers and mothers who have opened up their lives to their children, sharing their innermost thoughts and secrets to ensure that they are passed from one generation to the next. And finally, I dedicate this book to my own two children, Adrianne and Woodrow, and to my wife of thirty-two years, Darlene Smith. I love you all very much.

From Robyn Freedman SpizmanI remain eternally grateful to Stuart Gustafson, for without his vision for this book, it would not have become a reality. To my parents, Phyllis and Jack Freedman, who have shared with me the joy of the generations past and celebrated the goal of preserving the special memories we all hold near and dear to our hearts. And to my husband Willy and our children, Justin and Ali, who make my life so worthwhile and create new memories that sustain me. A special thanks to Doug and Genie Freedman, Sam and Gena Spizman, Aunt Lois, and Aunt Ramona, and to my real-life angel Bettye Storne, The Spizman Agency, Jenny Corsey, and my family and friends who grace my life with unending support and love. Plus to those family members who are no longer here and deeply missed, you will always be permanently recorded in my mind and heart.

contents

acknowledgments

The creation of a book like this is never the creation of only the people whose names are on the title page. We have been truly blessed to have the support of so many peoplethose who are very close to us, as well as those who responded when we asked them for some help. Thank you to Geoffrey Berwind of Bradley Communications for the encouragement and the positive reinforcement, plus the following people who contributed questions for inclusion in the book: Amanda Houston, Carrie Purdy, Cindy Casey, Connie Turnbull, Eric Spencer, Irene Anderson, John Hussar, Kelly Robert, Kimberly Barker, Lindsie Taylor, Luis Morales, Lynda Swanson, Marcy Schechter, Merla Lloyd, Mike Lyons, Patrick H. Davis, Paul Turnbull, Sharon Griggs, and Jack and Phyllis Freedman. Some of the contributions were reworded, and some of them were duplicates, but we tried to incorporate as many as possible in their original form. We are particularly grateful for the trust that they have placed in usopening up the window so others can see inside your personal life requires a very trusting soul. We remain eternally grateful. We are also very fortunate to have the professional expertise of a fantastic agentwe extend our thanks to Meredith Bernstein for her advice and assistance.

No book can go from thoughts to final form without the professional support that we have received from all the people at Adams Media. We want to particularly thank Gary Krebs, Director of Publishing; Karen Cooper, Director of Marketing; Beth Gissinger, Director of Publicity; Paula Munier, Acquisition Editor; and Brendan ONeill, Assistant to Paula Munier.

Harvey Mackay quote reprinted with permission from nationally syndicated columnist Harvey Mackay, author of New York Times number one bestseller Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.

Foreword

WHAT A GOOD LIFE I HAD. Sixteen years old; the summer before my senior year in high school. I would be going away to college next year, and this was to be my summer with Dad. My eldest brother, who was preparing to become an officer in the U.S. Navy, was entering his fourth year of college. My other brother had just graduated from high school, so although he was planning to stay at home and go to a local college he was technically on his own.

This was my summer. My grandfather and his wife, Hedwig, had driven out from Vero Beach, Florida, to spend a few weeks with us. I did not know them very well. My dads family lived mostly in Ohio, but we lived in the West as my dad was in the U.S. Navy.

Life was also good at home. We were not a wealthy family, but life was comfortable. Even though Mom worked, we always had freshly ironed clothes to wear, and there was always a nutritious meal on the table. My dad had retired from the navy and had become a purchasing agent. Just the previous summer, we had taken our first vacation in many years, something we hadnt done because Dad was gone a lot when he was in the navy.

Yes, life was good.

July 19, 1964, was a typical Sunday. Grandpa and Hedwig had arrived a few days earlier, and we had all gone to Grace Lutheran Church together. After church, Dad was going to take Grandpa fishing in the Salton Sea. He and Grandpa were in the front seat of our 1962 Buick Electra, and my brother Dave and our friend Randy Gray were in the back. I have never enjoyed fishing. But if I had gone with them that day, I would have been sitting in the front seat between Dad and Grandpa.

They had been gone about an hour or so when the phone rang. I answered the phone and I heard what I remember thinking at the time was a strange question. The voice on the phone said, This is El Centro Community Hospital. Do you know who the doctor is for David Gustafson? I told them, but I thought it was strange that they had not asked Dad who my brother Daves doctor was. Certainly, if Dave had been in an accident, Dad would have been able to tell them the name of our family doctor.

Mom and I immediately drove to the hospital, where our minister, Pastor Paul Harting, met us. He said there had been an accident (a word I refuse to useit was a car crash), and that three people were dead. That was all we knew at the time. We soon learned that both Dad and Grandpa had been killed instantly when the drunk driver in the other car hit them head-on. My brother Dave and our friend Randy survived, although Dave was severely injured.

Not a day since has gone by that I have not thought of my father and grandfather and that tragic day. Over forty-two years later, I still yearn to have one more conversation with each of them.