Marie Dubuque - Witty Comebacks for Idiotic Insults: Getting Back at the People Who Try to Put You Down

ISBN: 9781620950302

Why certain people insult you in the first place

Plain and simple, they are jealous. People like that are trying put you in your place. They see the life you lead, and want it for themselves. I know this information doesn't make dealing with these types any easier. But at least you will understand where they are coming from. So when these people go for a dig, they are really saying to you, You aren't all that. I am. I am better than you. Only in their heart-of-hearts they know they really aren't.

So what do you say when someone comes at you? They go for the jugular, where it hurts. Say someone knows you are a little sensitive about your weight. He/she will come at you with big guns. Maybe this person doesn't even say a word. Instead, she looks at your stomach, then gives you a smirk. All this when it's clear she is a lot heavier than you are! This happens all the time. What's the come-back line? There isn't one. Just give her a big fake smile and walk away. Or, if you are feeling really bold, look at that woman's stomach, and watch her face!

You can always tell when someone is jealous of you. They try to find your perceived weakness (what you think is a flaw) and hone in on it. I can't tell you how many times people tell me about relatives who pick on them every year at holiday dinners about the same subjects: When are you going to get married? When are you going to have kids? When are you going to get a decent job?

So, if you know ahead of time what your relative's M.O. is, fight back! (in a nice way, please.) Think of a witty comeback the night before. If someone is chiding you about not having a children and you are secretly beside yourself about your problems getting pregnant, don't let this person know. In fact, do the opposite. Talk about what a wonderful life you and your spouse are enjoying and all the freedom you have. That will really set Aunt Edna off. Because that is what she is most jealous of, your great life. She looks at her dull, boring routine, and envies your energetic lifestyle.

And if someone is constantly asking when you are going to lose weight, you can say, About the same time you do. And when you say it with a smile, you don't come across as vindictivejust witty.

What to do about those nasty back-handed compliments

You know what I'm talking about. I love your hair. It looks soooo much better than before. Or Your bathroom remodel is beautiful. I don't know how you could ever stand the space you had before. It's like they won't let you have your moment. You know when you are really proud of an accomplishment and somehow, some way, this one person has to diminish it and turn your joy into a negative experience. Believe it. This happens more than you know. And then they are so polite and sweet to you after they have just unloaded this fury of meanness. But these people know how to be just nice enough that you won't say anything. And don't. It's not necessary. Because clearly, they are impressed enough to give you that back-handed compliment. If they weren't envious and they thought your bathroom looked like a piece of trash, you'd hear something like, Oh, I really like it. Translate-- Man, mine looks so much better. You see, they wouldn't need to put you down, when they already feel superior.

What to do about people who are constantly competitive

You know the type. They are constantly trying to one-up you. Say you can run the mile in so many minutes. Susie can do it faster. Anything you can do, she can do better. It gets really annoying. So how do you handle it? By giving up. I mean it. Simply say, You win. You are the perfect mother, with the perfect kids, and I am just a slacker. And when you say that (with just a hint of sarcasm) it sends them running in the other direction. You are no fun anymore. You don't compete. So, they'll give up and move on to the next person.

People that are constantly one-upping people have self esteem issues. They don't want their real selves to be revealed. So they put on the image of a know-it-all. There isn't anything they don't know. In fact, it's tiring to have a conversation with anyone who is what I call grandiose. They carry around this air of superiority. And it's annoying because you are not trying to compete when you talk about your child's accomplishment. You just want to talk about it a little. But you can't. Because Susie's kid can top that feat by a mile! I have gotten to the point where I don't even say anything about my kid in front of anyone (except a few close friends) because I don't want to turn the conversation into who has the better child!

In fact, if this is someone who really gets on your nerves to the point where you are stressed every time you see him/her, then say as little as possible. That way Susie has no ammunition. She can't make a negative comment because you haven't said anything to respond to. Nor can she give you a back-handed compliment or compete with you, because again, you haven't said anything at all. People will wonder why you are so quiet all of a sudden. But after a while, they will get used to it. And it's not like you can't talk and have fun. Just do it around people who really care about you.

How to handle people who copy you

You've heard the saying, Imitation is the best form of flattery. That's absolutely true. And here again, the person who copies your dress, your mannerisms, just about everything, has a self esteem issue. He/she thinks your life is so much better, so she tries to imitate it. This can be particularly annoying when the friend is also clingy. What do you do? You could say, I'm flattered that you want to dress like me, but honestly, you need to develop your own sense of style. You could even offer to help. Still, she probably won't let up, because this is a person who feels so low that the only way she can elevate herself is to a. either try to put you down, or in this case b. copy everything you say and do. When she starts going to your hair stylist and buying your exact same outfit and imitating your exact same hand gestures, you have a problem. If talking to her doesn't help, she needs help. And you need to distance yourself somewhat until she finds someone else to emulate. You can still be friendly and polite, but not her best friend.

Yes, imitation does mean you have something that someone else wants. But she needs to face facts. She can't be you. And unless you take a step back, this person probably won't stop trying.

Why people chide you for being too quiet

But actually, the people who say that, don't want you to talk more. They want you to listen more. People love to hear themselves talk, believe me. So it's not that you're not speaking enough, you're not asking the right questions. If you want to seem like a wonderful conversationalist, just ask the right questions. Questions that will get people talking about themselves. Compliments are great..just not too many. It looks fake.

For instance, when you are talking to someone, ask their opinion. Like that person is the expert in whatever it is that you are having trouble with. People love to feel like they are the go-to person for people's problems. Also, make sure you find out what someone's interests are and then hone in on that. If you find out he is a really good long distance runner, ask all about running. Like you are fascinated by the sport. That subject itself could lead to an hour long conversation.

If you get people talking about what they are passionate about, they won't stop. Then they will think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. And since you are willing to talk about what they like, they will naturally gravitate towards you. And who knows. You could become a long distance runner yourself!