Aldort - Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Every once in awhile, a writer comes along who is comfortable speaking the truth, no matter how much it might challenge us or make us uncomfortable. Naomi Aldort is one of those people. She has a clear-headed understanding of how to empower self-realization for both parents and children.

Naomi Aldort takes the struggle out of parenting by demonstrating how to replace the controlling and shaping style of parenting with one that values, trusts and nurtures childrens innate abilities and autonomy. Simply put, this book is about valuing our children for who they are, rather than for who we want them to be. For many of us, that is not as simple as it sounds, but with Aldort guiding us through our childrens ages and stages, it is possible. And that, I believe, is the best gift we can give to both our children and ourselves.

Wendy Priesnitz
Editor of Life Learning magazine, author of School Free
and Challenging Assumptions in Education

Insight, resourcefulness, and wisdom are the real subjects of Naomi Aldorts bookqualities vital to joyous parenting. The author is battle-tested in each of these areas and uses a wealth of personal experiences to guide you in finding a successful family formula of your own. Let Dr. Aldort hold your hand for a few hours. You wont regret it.

John Taylor Gatto
Author of Underground History of American Education

Naomi Aldort knows how to raise children who love because they were loved. This book is the antidote to the traditional ways in which almost all of us garden variety neurotics were raised. This powerful book could bring about an end to fundamentalism, moralism and other mental illnesses and social diseases.

Brad Blanton, Ph.D.
Author of Radical Parenting and Radical Honesty,
founder of the Radical Honesty workshops and seminars

In this stunning insight into human nature, Naomi Aldort opens a window into harmonious family living. Simply and eloquently, she describes how parenting can be a path toward self-realization. This book deserves to be widely read, and not just by parents but by every being who strives for peace. Dr. Aldort has distilled the essence of peaceful parent-child relationships into what can only be described as poetry of the human heart.

Veronika Robinson
Editor of The Mother magazine, UK

Naomi Aldorts insight and compassion about living and learning with children can help anyone who wants to become a better parent.

Patrick Farenga
Co-author, Teach Your Own: The John Holt Book of Homeschooling

E very parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is not about gentle ways to control a child, but about a way of being and of understanding a child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you, but because she wants to, of her own free will.

Naomi Aldort

Naomi Aldort
PO Box 1719
Eastsound, Wa 98245
(360) 376-3777

Copyright 2005 by Naomi Aldort

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
First printing: January, 2006
Second printing: November 2006

Printed in the United States of America

LCCN 2005936173
ISBN 1-887542-32-9

Editor: Pat Farenga
Proofreaders: Vicki McCown and Lisa Biskup
Cover Design: Laura Zugzda
Interior Layout: Stephanie Martindale
Photograph of Author: Georgi Coquereau

Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no
preconception that Id like to see you be or do. I have
no desire to foresee you, only to discover you. You
cannot disappoint me.

- Mary Haskell

I started writing this book when my youngest was a toddler, some eight years ago. I was done putting it all in writing within a short time, but was too busy mothering to do any editing and prepare it for print. The book would have been published five years ago, when my youngest, Oliver, was six, but he and his brother, Lennon, decided to take music lessons (cello, violin, piano and later, conducting and composition). Both boys exhibited prodigal talent and so I had to put the book aside for a few more years. Today Lennon Aldort (15) composes and conducts his own symphonies, and Oliver Aldort (11) has been a soloist with numerous orchestras and has appeared on TV and radio; you can see him at www.OliverAldort.com .

The book you are holding in your hands today has been rewritten and transformed many times. In a way, it grew up with me and my three children.

My gratitude starts with my children, my personal coaches and teachers. Jonathan Aldort, taught me, among other things, that no matter how loving and great a mother I may be, the child makes up his own movie of his childhood and this is the only childhood he has. Lennon Aldort taught me to go with a child into his world and discover new realities I didnt know existed. He taught me to distinguish self-deception from deep truth and pointed out to me every time I limited myself with my own thinking. The youngest, Oliver Aldort, is still holding my hand on my way to self-realization, teaching me the Buddha nature. When things dont flow his way he says, Whatever, and moves on happily. When I torment myself with motherly worry, he asks, Mom, why are you doing this to yourself?

My gratitude goes next to the thousands of children who have provided the material for this book. I am at the feet of all the parents who had and have the courage to seek my guidance and share their family stories with me. You will find these stories, with changed names and scenarios, all throughout the book, as well as stories from my own family, with real names (with permission).

My dear husband, Harvey, provided support and resistance; he challenged me, yet always trusted my ability and my wisdom. Harvey is the man who has the courage to seek my guidance with our children. He would call me, saying, I cannot handle this peacefully with the children. Please do your magic. After I would take care of the situation, he would say, Get that book out already. The world needs it.

This book could not exist without my mothers ability to raise herself while raising her children and, as a grandmother, by asking questions and always being ready to learn something new. The first person who taught me the concept of validating emotions is my dear mother. She was and remains a progressive and exceptional mother, and is still learning.

I am grateful for the editing and formatting I received from Patrick Farenga, my editor, former editor of the publication, Growing Without Schooling, and a leader in the unschooling movement. Pat took my manuscript and brought it to its final shape with grace and a sense of ease. Before bringing the book to Patrick, I was fortunate to work on it with my friend, literature professor, Richard Fadem. He didnt edit my writing; instead, he gave me a crash course in writing and editing.

Thank you Ellen Steiner and Deborah Burke for working with me on the original manuscript. Thank you Lisa Biskup, Michael Biskup, and Chrys Buckley for copy editing the book. My gratitude goes to Victoria McCown for the final proofing and for teaching me grammar. I couldnt finish this book without Sheryn Hara at Book Publishers Network, who took the burden of getting it ready for print off my shoulders. And, thank you to Justin Smith and the staff at Bang Publishing.