Stephen Camarata - The Intuitive Parent: Why the Best Thing for Your Child Is You

D uring more than twenty-five years as a researcher studying child development at Vanderbilt University, and as a practicing clinician working with ASD, Down syndrome, and other developmental conditions, I have never met a parent who did not want to give his or her child the best possible start in life, or to raise that child to become a healthy, happy, successful, independent adult. But over the last decade, I have noticed a marked increase in the anxietyand guiltparents feel about how exactly to go about it. The glut of information, accurate and inaccurate; an ever more competitive, global economy; and the burgeoning market of books, shows, products, programs, experts, apps, and devices marketed as essential aids in raising the smartest, healthiest, best baby ever have many parents feeling either overwhelmed, insecure, or intensely driven to succeed at this most important job.

Recently, the Guardian newspaper in London publicly wondered why modern parents are so anxious about raising their childrenespecially at a time when the likelihood of a child dying young is at an all-time low: Best-selling author Jennifer Senior talks about how children radically alter their parents lives in the book All Joy and No Fun, and discusses the never-ending anxiety parents have about raising their children, from the moment of birth through high school. In my own work as a child development specialist, I have talked with hundreds and hundreds of parents and most seem worriedif not downright petrifiedby the short- and long-term consequences of their everyday parenting choices. One mother recently told me that if her son didnt learn to read by the time he reached his third birthday, he wouldnt be admitted to the competitive preschool they were applying for. This in turn would mean that he wouldnt be selected for an academic magnet grade school. The poor little fellow was only eighteen months old at the time! A father insisted that his toddler shouldnt waste time playing with blocks because it was crucial that her developing brain be wired to learn vocabularywhile insisting that his wife pound flash cards rather than play with their daughter because it was vital that they take advantage of a critical period for neural plasticity as soon as possible. This couple believed that they had only another year or two to get their daughters brain properly constructed for lifelong learning. If they didnt, they mistakenly believed the opportunity would be lost forever and she would be doomed to a life of intellectual mediocrity. This kind of anxiety is a major obstacle to living in the moment with your baby or child and creates pressure to accelerate development and micromanage learning in a way that actually derails healthy intellectual and emotional growth and undermines a childs self-confidence.

I feel for these caring, conscientious, concerned parents. The world can be a difficult place to navigate these days; they want to give their children every possible advantage, and a vast industry leverages their fears, hopes, and love for their child in order to get eyeballs or simply to sell them unnecessary stuff. But what the information glut and relentless marketing obscures is this: Focusing onand unleashingyour natural personal parental intuition is exactly what it takes to raise intelligent, confident, curious, and talented children who will develop into equally talented adults. A surprisingly large body of scientific literature supports this conclusion; and I can vouch for it personally, having raised seven childrenthree daughters and four sonsin light of its principles. But too many parents these days have lost confidence in themselves and in the genius of Mother Nature.

Thats why I wrote this book: to show parents that they are already equipped with all the state-of-the-art know-how necessary to wire their childs brain and instill in him or her a love of discovery and of learning that will last a lifetime; and that they can best prepare their child to thrive in school and in adult life through a natural process I call intuitive parenting.

What is intuitive parenting? Simply stated, intuitive parenting emphasizes focusing on your child, enjoying the moment, and reacting naturally to whatever the baby is doing. Its a style of parenting that allows you to concentrate on being a learning partner rather than a taskmaster or ber-teacher, and helps you resist the panic that comes with thinking that there are other things or more things you should be teaching your child at a given moment. It is a way of parenting that supports clearing your mind of all the noise, worry, guilt, and anxiety that are part and parcel of parenting in the modern world and living in the moment with your baby and, later, with your toddler and young child. It even works great with teenagers!

By reactingand actingintuitively, you will actually become the very best teacher (and parent) your child could possibly have. As your child grows from baby to toddler and then preschooler, he or she will be naturally and continually signaling you as to what they currently know, what they need to learn next, and precisely the right input needed from you for them to learn and to wire their brain. An intuitive parents main job is to