Pinky McKay - Sleeping Like a Baby

I would like to give a big thank you to all the parents who have shared their experiences in Sleeping like a Baby. I am sure your stories will help validate others who are struggling with the immense pressure to have a good baby (read: a baby who self-settles and sleeps all night).

Sleeping Like a Baby includes a wide range of evidence-based information. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the researchers in infant sleep who acknowledge and affirm the relationship between sleep, infant feeding, mother/baby attachment and infant brain development. I am especially grateful for the works of Helen Ball, Nils Bergman and James McKenna; Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Tracy Cassels, Michel Odent, Robin Grille, Darcia Narvaez, Diana West, and Maureen Minchin for their meticulous and passionate work.

A big thank you, too, to my brilliant agent Jacinta di Mase for her unending commitment and support. Also to the team at Penguin Australia for their care and concern, especially Clementine Edwards for being such an easy editor to work with.

My work is a reflection of the support and love I received from my own mentors as I found my way through the haze of sleepless nights when I was a young mother: my mother, who said I slept with her when I was a newborn; my first GP, who set me straight when, as a sleep-deprived new mother, I begged him for something to make my baby sleep; and the wonderful women of La Leche League in Cambridge and Hamilton, New Zealand, especially Yvonne Foreman. Through their modelling and practical support, these wise women taught me so much about responding to babies day and night!

Last, but certainly not least, thank you to my own babies (some of whom slept more than others!) for teaching me my greatest lessons about patience, flexibility and unconditional love, and to my husband for supporting our night-time parenting.

A note from the author

Because children come in both genders, I have alternated the terms he and she throughout this book no sexism intended. Boys and girls have equal ability to cause sleepless nights and, whether baby boy or girl, are equally delightful, day and night!

ALSO BY PINKY McKAY

Toddler Tactics

100 Ways to Calm the Crying

Parenting by Heart

For all the parents who are soothing wakeful babies and feeling alone in the darkness of night-time, sleep deprivation and self-doubt. Hold and cuddle and listen to your baby. Trust yourself you have got this!

I do not love him because he is good, but because he is my little child.

Rabindranath Tagore

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First published by Penguin Group (Australia), 2006

This edition published by Penguin Random House Australia Pty Ltd, 2016

Text copyright Pinky McKay 2006

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

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ISBN: 978-1-74228-336-4

THE BEGINNING

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Introduction

There is perhaps nothing more delicious than gazing at a sleeping baby, watching her tiny rosebud lips curl into an involuntary grin, or listening to her gentle sighs. Sadly though, in our culture the standards bar for infant sleep has become so high that, for many parents, the words sleeping like a baby are fraught with anxiety that is spilling into every aspect of their lives.

Each day, I receive more emails and Facebook messages than I can respond to from parents asking for advice on gently helping their babies and toddlers to sleep. Many parents feel pressured that they are creating dependency or lifelong problems by not teaching their baby to sleep. There also seems to be increasing pressure to make even happy babies sleep more often and for longer.

Instead of having the confidence to accept that even though my son, who is now eighteen weeks old, isnt a textbook baby, I was ignoring how happy he is and how well he is thriving. I kept wanting him to nap longer by day even though he was sleeping pretty well at night. I was so confused I didnt know which way was up. I was feeling guilty that I was accidental parenting and ultimately harming him robbing him of learning the skills he needed.