Hames - Help Your Baby to Sleep

Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing, beloved from pole to pole

Coleridge, The Ancient Mariner

Babies have a lot to learn, and quickly. But its hard to reflect on anything when theres a lot going on. This is one of the reasons that babies sleep so much. Putting the world into some sort of order takes a bit of peace and quiet. While he is asleep your babys brain can organize the vast array of experiences he has when hes awake. At the same time, chemicals in the brain and body are renewing themselves ready for more activity. As new parents we also have a lot to learn, and we also need our sleep to help us do it. Without sufficient sleep everyone suffers.

Most of us come to parenthood better prepared for the birth than for life with our baby. Charlie felt unsure and desperate for sleep when Elisa was tiny:

Elisas two weeks and three days and she doesnt have a routine yet. Her best night was when she slept for three hours and then fed for one-and-a-half hours. Id really like her to feed and then sleep for four hours.

It can be a fraught time. You dont know what to expect, everyone else seems to have it sussed, and you are just so tired Sometimes its helpful if you know about the average baby so that you stop expecting your baby to sleep for longer or more regularly than most babies manage. When Charlie found out that Elisas little-and-often-never-at-the-same-time-twice approach to sleep was the standard new baby format, she began to relax.

Naturally, sleep researchers have discovered average sleep needs for babies of different ages (see below). But treat them with care. There are wide variations between one babys need for sleep and anothers. lust because your baby doesnt sleep as much as the average doesnt mean that there is something wrong. After all, any average figure means that half will be below and half above. And dont worry that your babys erratic sleep is harming him. In his first few months a healthy baby will take as much sleep as he needs; he wont be able to help himself.

Some new-born babies sleep 21 out of 24 hours. Others, with less feeling for their parents, need as little as eight hours; the average at birth is about 16 (about two-thirds of the 24-hour day), and gradually falls to about 14 hours by one year.

It doesnt matter whether your child is hitting these averages some children sleep for longer and some for less. The acid test is whether your baby wakes happy and alert. If he does, you know hes had enough sleep; if he seems irritable or tired, he may need to sleep longer.

Our oldest son, Robert, has the sleep requirements of Mrs Thatcher. If you hand our youngest, Jonathan, a nappy at 6.307pm he will take himself to bed.

Cathy and Adam

Jessica only needs ten hours sleep a day. I remember asking at her six-week check-up whether ten hours sleep a day was enough. If she has a two-hour nap she goes to bed with me for eight hours. If she goes to bed at 7pm she will wake up at 3am and be ready to start the day, so it is easier if she keeps the same hours as me.

Yvonne

Most adults and older children have a diurnal pattern of sleeping and waking we sleep at night and wake in the day. Your new-born baby has no such pattern. He is missing two things: the physiological maturity to be able to do it and your guidance. Once he has developed the first, he can make use of the second.

By the end of the first month most babies start to fit in with the adult pattern. But a thorough going awake-most-of-the-day-sleep-all-night rhythm doesnt usually appear until three or four months when your babys physiology is mature enough.

Babies often pause in their breathing for anything up to a few seconds at a time while they sleep. This is quite normal and your baby will spontaneously begin to breathe again. Often your baby of less than four months will wake as his breathing pauses, and this kick-starts his breathing into action again. As he matures, your baby begins to breathe more regularly, without pausing, and at the same time he wakes less frequently.

Babies are very adaptable, and amazingly competent, but at birth they still need a lot of physical, close and loving support from their parents to help them adjust to an independent life. Researchers have found that touching, stroking and holding your baby has a marvellous effect on his ability to regulate his breathing and his temperature and that this is as true at night as it is in the day. (See Chapter 4 for a fuller discussion of this point.)

Maybe not ever. But waking at night and waking you at night are different things. Your baby probably wakes more often than you think. Most people, children and adults alike, come to consciousness several times a night, but some are able to soothe themselves back to sleep while others lie awake tossing and turning, missing that certain something that will allow them to drift off again. Babies in this second group soon realize how to get hold of that certain something. They cry and in comes mum or dad. Its not waking up thats the problem, its not being able to go back to sleep again.