Dr. John Chirban - Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce

PRAISE FOR COLLATERAL DAMAGE

John Chirban wrote an amazing book for the resolution of family and childrens issues. As a scientist and clinical psychologist, he deeply understands the steps for helping the children of divorce cope with the destruction of their worlds and family, and their need for the continuing assurance and love from their parents to be restored. It is clear that children are the real victims of family separation, but this does make them emotional cripples. With the steps noted in this valuable book, they can rebound with stronger bonds and meaningful skills to deal with both the beginning and ending of relationships.

DR. FRANK LAWLIS
AUTHOR OF NOT MY CHILD AND MENDING THE BROKEN BOND

We live in exponentially accelerating times of powerful technologies, solving many of humanitys grand challenges, yet the most basic needs of our childrensafety, love, and familyare being destroyed by the pandemic of divorce. Dr. John Chirbans brilliant contribution of Collateral Damage presents a powerful antidote about how parents can change the negative consequences of divorce. Dr. Chirbans book unpacks the complications of divorce for children, providing clear and penetrating guidance for parents on a topic often too hard to confront, yet too detrimental to ignore.

PETER H. DIAMANDIS, MD
FOUNDER AND EXECUTIVE CHAIRMAN, XPRIZE FOUNDATION
COFOUNDER AND EXECUTIVE CHAIRMAN, SINGULARITY UNIVERSITY
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR, ABUNDANCE AND BOLD

Dr. John Chirbans new book, Collateral Damage, is a must-read for parents who are in the process of separating or divorcing or who have divorced. It is both a professional and personal look at the effects of divorce on children and the pitfalls and possibilities for divorcing parents as they try to love, protect, and support their children and the family system that is dramatically changing. The most powerful contribution of Dr. Chirbans book is his ability to blend research findings and his own clinical and personal experience. Specific strategies are detailed for parents negotiating the challenges of helping children to emerge whole, confidant, and loved by their parents during the turmoil of transition. I strongly recommend this wonderful book and will refer other helping professionals and parents who want to learn more about how to avoid collateral damage to the children they care about.

TOD GROSS, PSYD
DIRECTOR, ADAMS STREET ASSOCIATES

Dr. Chirban is an accomplished scholar and clinician with a unique voice. In Collateral Damage he provides a road map for divorcing parents to protect and nurture their children while promoting their own emotional healing. His gentle wisdom is supported by data collected in his five-year study of thousands of divorcing parents and children of divorce, and through his own personal story. As a divorce lawyer of many years, Ive learned that it is only by listening to the voices of children that we can discover and serve their real best interests. I found Collateral Damage to be a practical resource that will be of immense guidance to families as they navigate their children through all stages of the divorce process.

DONALD G. TYE
ATTORNEY AT LAW, PRINCE LOBEL TYE, LLP, BOSTON

Collateral Damage is a must-read for all divorcing parents and for divorce professionals. With the Divorce Study, Dr. Chirban provides tangible evidence of the effects of divorce seen through the eyes of children. We are humbled by their voices and descriptions of their experiences. Only parents can mitigate the negative effects through honest listening and by working together to provide love and understanding and reduce conflict during and after the process of reconfiguring their family.

ELIZABETH S. THAYER, PHD
COAUTHOR, THE COPARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE

Dr. Chirbans book reminds professionals and parents alike that there can be emotional casualties of divorce despite research indicating most children of divorce adapt well. His practical suggestions, based on his clinical experience, his research, and his personal history, will be helpful to parents considering divorce and to those already going through it. His advice to parents to utilize religious or spiritual resources is not often found in other writings on the subject and can be very useful to those so inclined.

ROBERT ZIBBELL, PHD
FAMILY FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST AND PARENTING COORDINATOR
COAUTHOR, EVALUATION FOR CHILD CUSTODY

In all of my years working as a psychiatrist, divorce is the trauma most often cited by my clients as life-changing. Though extremely painful for children and adults alike, there has been and always will be the hope of redemption and happiness on the other side. Thankfully, Dr. Chirban has made that hope a reality for thousands of families by providing a clear, concise, and practical guide for navigating this tumultuous transition. If you need help restoring wholeness to your family, Dr. Chirbans book is a must-read!

DAVID L. HENDERSON, MD
FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT, FOUR STONES COLLABORATIVE GROUP
AUTHOR, MY TEENAGE ZOMBIE

Dr. Chirbans Collateral Damage urges parents to put their childrens needs firston all levels. Words alone are not enough. Thoughtful parents can, with the help of this book, understand not only how critical it is that they commit to managing their emotions and to a healthy, engaged style of parenting, but also have Dr. Chirbans practical wisdom and advice to aid them in this journey. For people of faith, he also gently reminds them that they can enrich and redirect their divorce inspired by their own and their childrens spiritual life.

ISOLINA RICCI, PHD
AUTHOR, MOMS HOUSE, DADS HOUSE

In Collateral Damage, Dr. Chirban has outlined an easy-to-read map of the emotional geography of divorce. Describing the parallel processes of parents and children, he provides definite suggestions and guidelines along with a clear rationale for each. Written in a language that makes this a guide for both psychologically-minded parents and those who are not, Collateral Damage is a handbook in which parents can easily access practical, age-appropriate help.

CATHERINE MCCALL
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
CONTRIBUTING WRITER, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE
UK BESTSELLING AUTHOR, NEVER TELL

2017 John T. Chirban, PhD, ThD

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ISBN 978-0-7180-8168-3 (eBook)

ISBN 978-0-7180-7988-8 (HC)

Epub Edition December 2016 ISBN 9780718081683

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data