Laila Y. Sanguras - Raising Children With Grit: Parenting Passionate, Persistent, and Successful Kids

Copyright 2018, Prufrock Press Inc.

Edited by Katy McDowall

Cover design by Micah Benson and layout design by Allegra Denbo

Illustrations by Micah Benson

ISBN-13: 978-1-61821-912-1

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Dedication

To every parent who has questioned her parenting choices, worried that she is messing up her kid, or simply wished for 5 ever-loving minutes alone. You are doing just fine.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

I was on a tight deadline for this book in May of 2018, typing feverishly on my laptop. I hadnt even gotten out of bed, let alone showered or brushed my teeth. (Yes, my life is ultra-glamorous.) I announced to my kids that mama was stressed and needed to finish her writing, and I suggested to my husband that he replenish my coffee frequently. My plan worked perfectly for approximately 17 minutes. Then one teenage daughter came in and asked a question I had come to loathe: What are our plans today? (Nothing. Mom is busy. Ask your father.) Then another teenage daughter came in to ask yet another dreaded question: Do we have any breakfast? (Yes. We have a million options that you will see if you just walk into the kitchen. Ask your father.) My 11-year-old son was next, wondering when we were going to go get the new video game I had promised him. (As soon as mama writes a few thousand words. Ask your father.) Finally, my direction-following 9-year-old son entered the room quietly with a pillow tucked under his shirt so he looked pregnant, a plastic knife under his armpit to look like he had been stabbed, and then proceeded to die a slow, yet silent, death in the middle of the room.

This is what parenting is about. Your time (and bed) is no longer your own. You sacrifice every day, but hopefully you also find the humor in your experiences. My kids make me laugh every single day, and I love them deep into my bones. Its because of them that I know what grit looks and feels like. And its because of them that my world is full of color and sparkles.

Introduction

As soon as I received the contract to write this book, I started to research parenting. I bought a stack of books and read as much as I could. (Thank you, Amazon Prime!) Im also an actual parent. Im the biological mom to an 11-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl. And Im the bonus mom to a 9-year-old boy, 16-year-old girl, 20-year-old boy/man, and 22-year-old boy/man. If youve been counting, that means I have six children: four boys and two girlsplus a rotation of dogs.

So here I am reading a stack of books, taking notes, and outlining my chapters, and my kids are making me question everything I could possibly know about being a parent. And when I say that, I mean EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I mean, kids are fantasticexcept for when they arent. When youre reading this book, and Im so appreciative that you are, I just want you to remember that I lost my mind countless times when writing it.

No children were harmed, I assure you, but this has definitely been an exercise in grit. You see, grit is the combination of passion and perseverance. Im passionate about helping teachers and parents navigate the messes our kids create. Its this dream that kept me writing despite my doubts and struggles.

We can also talk about grit in terms of parenting. You are enthusiastic and committed to your childrens happiness. You also know that you cant give up on your kids, despite the ways in which they tempt you, so persistence is sort of a requirement. And, of course, there is the point of this book: raising kids who have grit. In is about helping your child maneuver through social situations while maintaining passion and perseverance. The final chapter is a discussion of how important it is for you to model grit for your kids.

Its important to remind you that there is no one thing we can all do to raise well-adjusted and gritty kids. What works for one of us will backfire for another. But thats okay, because in the process of just trying (and not locking yourself in your bathroom with a warm plate of brownies) you are doing the best you can for your child. It will all work out.

At the end of each chapter is a quote from a song, which I compiled into a Parenting for Grit playlist at the end of the book. These are songs that (a) are relevant to our exploration of grit, and (b) are some of my favorites. In addition to the nine songs for the nine chapters in this book, I added a 10th song because one of the words in the title rhymes with gritty. Now you cant wait to check it out, huh? I hope you love them all!

I end the book with a list of questions that I may not have addressed in other parts of the book. I wanted to tackle these for you in the context of grit. I gathered the questions from friends on social mediaI would love it if you would follow me so you can participate next time.

Chapter 1

Grit and the Psychology of Failure

Do you ever worry about what other parents think of you? Are you concerned that your childs teacher wonders what you were thinking when you forgot to send your son to school with a jacket? Are you anxious that your parents are judging your parenting skills when theyre around your kids? Well Ive got news for you. You are not alone.

I dont know many parents who havent felt these same doubts and concerns. Parenting is rough. On one hand, we are so scared of messing up our kids that we live in a constant state of worry and fear. And then were so self-conscious about those fears that we dont share with other parentsespecially the ones who seem to have everything figured out.

On the other hand, we face legitimate angst when we hear about school shootings (Sky News, n.d.), the rising rate of childhood anxiety (Bharanidharan, 2018), and whether video games are addictive (Agencies, 2018). Potential threats to our children come at us from all angles, and it feels impossible to keep up, let alone protect them.

Heres the thing. Youre afraid to fail. And youre not alonenot only does every parent share this fear, but your children are also afraid to fail. They dont want to let you down, and they feel all kinds of pressure to fit in and succeed at school, with their friends, etc.