Jon Smith - The Blokes Guide to Babies

Jon Smith, 2008

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual wellbeing. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-1-4019-1609-1 in print
ISBN 978-1-8485-0509-4 in epub format
ISBN 978-1-8485-0508-7 in Mobipocket format

Layout and Illustrations by Matt Windsor

For Luka Zazzi and Mackenzie Harriman

Jon Smith, father of two, lives and writes in Barcelona, Spain. Originally from Liverpool, England, Jon was awarded a BA (Hons) in American Studies from The University of Reading (and The University of Texas at Austin). He went on to teach English as a foreign language in South Korea. After teaching, Jon joined the Internet industry from where he still hasn't been able to escape...

Jon is the author of 11 books and writes regularly for magazines and websites. The Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy, The Bloke's 100 Top Tips For Surviving Pregnancy and The Bloke's Guide to Babies provide lots of great advice for dads and dads-to-be.

By Post

c/o Hay House

292b Kensal Road

London

W10 5BE

United Kingdom

By Email

jon@blokesguide.com

On The Web

www.blokesguide.com

www.justdads.co.uk

Acknowledgements

Extra-special thanks to: Malcolm, Chris Smith, Mark Mitchell, Andrew Zazzi. Mark Bevan, Owen Wainwright, Paul Critchley, Rhys Wilcox, Chris Hitchcock, Stephen Giles, Richard Burton.

Your husband, boyfriend, partner, brother, uncle, friend or whomever else you had in mind when you picked up this book has just lived through the most exhilarating and scary experience of his life: a pregnancy and a birth. He took the bull by the horns and, we presume, he was there for his partner. All in all, the boy done good. But now the baby is back at home, and instead of relaxing, cracking open a nice bottle of red and congratulating himself on a job well done, hes worried again. Worried about what he needs to do next. Worried about when the crying is going to stop and worried about why he feels so ineffectual.

Im guessing that your man gave a bravura performance during both the pregnancy and the birth and that its obvious that hes determined to play an active part in the rearing of his child. After all, fatherhood, it is well documented, is a fantastic journey. But there are numerous things he needs to have answered, explained or illustrated before the man who will receive this book can feel in control enough to enjoy the experience.

If hes acting a bit like a spare part at the moment its not that hes being deliberately obtuse about the baby, or that he is pretending to be completely incompetent or frightened at least not consciously. He really is frightened petrified, in fact. But that is the male reaction to anything we dont understand. Men need manuals: A + B = C. The hand is connected to the arm, which is connected to the shoulder, which is connected to the body straightforward, to the point, and honest. Hence The Blokes Guide To Babies no flowery prose or idealistic diatribe, no Simon dressed as Simone. We want it raw and unabridged; tell us how it is. Whats the worst can happen? Whats the best that can happen? If the engine is smoking, what should we look at first the radiator or the alternator?

Yes, he might occasionally look at one of the numerous books written about parenting for women, (one of the five or so that you have already bought?) to read up on the deep science and follow the doctors advice about what to do in such-and-such a situation but they wont answer his questions. He wants the truth from a male perspective, in bite-size pieces that are as easy to digest as a tube of Pringles. (I didnt know paprika could taste so good.) This book tackles what is going on inside his head, not what should be going on. It is the product of over 80 interviews with blokes who have been there, done that and lived to tell the tale and a few of them are full-time dads. So let us take the new father by his hand (metaphorically, of course!) and help him on his way.

He might even say thank you, and better yet, spend as much time with his child as you do.

The Blokes Guide to Babies is the culmination of numerous interviews with dads I conducted over a 12-month period. Although everyones personal experiences will be unique, this book should come close to answering a lot of the questions that will arise over the course of your journey as a new father. All of the dads interviewed are experts. Maybe they dont have lots of letters after their names, but theyve survived the first couple of years and were both willing and keen to try to help all of us dads out there who have recently had a little addition to the household.

After The Blokes Guide to Pregnancy was published, I received a number of emails requesting more advice about what to do beyond birth. Basically, I didnt have a clue; I was only just experiencing it myself for the first time. Now, with a second child of my own to feed, house, school and to learn from, writing a follow-up book made a lot of sense; if nothing else I needed to find out some things for myself.

During Alias and Ronins formative months and years, as I was still coming to terms with being a dad, I would have found a book aimed at me very useful. But there wasnt much available when they were both little 9lb bundles of joy. So I hope that for many men about to embark on the trip that is fatherhood, this book will provide a bit of support.

If there is one piece of overriding advice that came through from my interviews it is simply this: go with your instinct, it will usually be right. But if you are looking for detail and expansion on certain points that have made us all question what on earth we are doing, then The Blokes Guide to Babies is definitely your boy. Or girl Ultimately youll devise your own ways to entertain your baby and to deal with problems over the coming months and years, so dont be afraid to try new things. And above all enjoy every last minute, because it really does just fly past.

So its happened. After what seemed like an interminable nine months, the baby is finally out, its arrived, you made it through unscathed (relatively) and unscarred Youre a dad!

It terms of experiences, witnessing the birth of your child is up there with the best of them. Words cannot begin to explain what a profound physical and emotional rollercoaster it is. Shocking, scary and beautiful, all at once. A total-body experience the sights, the sounds, the smells, the sweat, the tears, the mucus, the blood, the poo granted we werent the ones who