Monroe - Back To Beautiful

A re you there yet? Noahs voice sounded a little breathless for some reason.

Almost. Turning onto our street now. Spencer fought the wheel and the cell phone as he navigated the sharp turn.

You said that its been six years. Does it look the same? Better? Worse? Im always amazed when I go home because everything seems so small.

Spencer sighed. He liked Noah a lot, but the chatter was just too much sometimes. This isnt my home anymore, and I dont care what it looks like. I gotta go, Noah.

The cobblestone circular driveway came up on his right. It was flanked by two giant elms whose stark bare limbs jutted against the clouds.

OK, but first are you going to see him again?

No. Spencer hit the brakes and brought the car to a crawl. If only he could just turn around and leave...

What if you do?

Spencer swallowed hard against the sudden distaste of Noahs insecurity. I wont.

You sure?

Noah, Im hanging up now.

Call me later, then. Let me know how it goes.

Fine. Spencer knew he wouldnt. He had made it plain to Noah that their relationship was purely casual. Checking in might give him the wrong idea.

He was driving so slowly now that he might as well be stopped on the street, but now the big house was in view.

Spencer always thought he would enjoy burning the place down. Just watch it go up in flames. He imagined watching the ashes scattering to the winds out over the lake behind it.

He pulled his rental car onto the cobblestone driveway, his teeth gritting at the bumpy surface and setting his already strained nerves on edge. He hadnt wanted to come. In fact, he had ignored the phone calls for days, and he still didnt know why he had finally answered, or how Jason had talked him into making the trip. A misplaced sense of pride maybe? A giant fuck you, Im doing fine, aimed at the hateful old man dying in the master bedroom? Spencer clutched the steering wheel.

He sure as hell didnt like being pulled back into this world. He had barely escaped the first time. He wanted to just keep going, around the circular drive and back out into the street. Away from this place.

Instead he parked at the front door and stared at the home he hadnt seen since his mother died ten years ago. Dread and something that wasnt quite anger settled low in his belly, a sick feeling that always greeted him here. There were no good memories left, no remembered laughter, and no warmth. It hadnt been much of a home.

Now he was coming to witness the demise of his father, grand king and self-proclaimed dictator of the tall craftsman-style house that loomed over Spencer like a gateway to hell. Asshole.

He forced himself to open the rental car door and stepped out, trying not to slam it behind him in frustration. Then he just stood there for a moment, taking in all three stories of the monstrosity a tribute to his fathers arrogance. Its dark edges and curves pierced the low lying, fast moving gray clouds above. Cold spring air that hadnt quite shaken off its winter coat assaulted him from the north, and he remembered that the weatherman was calling for one more nasty snowstorm before summer finally showed its face. Not that it mattered; he wouldnt be here any later than tomorrow.

The massive entrance door opened as he came around the front of the car and Jasons head popped out at him. Spencer almost smiled, because Jason still looked like a grown-up Harry Potter with bad hair, and offered his little brother a wave.

Its about time, Jason said with a smile, the wind whipping at his words as Spencer reached the top of the stairs.

Flight was delayed. Any later in the week and I wouldnt have made it at all. He gestured to shoo his brother back inside and then followed him, slamming the door against the wind and taking a deep breath.

The foyer was dark, and he wondered why this house always seemed more like a tomb than a home, but he didnt say anything. Bleak and beautiful, cold as death. He fought the urge to feel at home here.

Jason turned to give him a quick hug, which Spencer didnt quite return. Jase took it in stride though, shrugged off his coat and hung it in the closet.

Dad said for you to come up as soon as you get here.

He can wait a minute. I want coffee. Spencer took off his own coat and hung it on the doorknob. He wasnt going to be here long.

Youll have to make it. Listen, Jason said, putting one hand on Spencers forearm. Spencer shook it off and looked at him.

Jason ignored the obvious rebuke. Hes in a mood, and he wants to talk to you. Alone. Says its important. You wont be able to brush him off like you did before, Spence. He threw a fit because you werent here yesterday.

Spencer brushed past him and headed through the dining room to the big kitchen. Tough shit.

No, not tough shit. This is about Beautiful.

Spencer kept going but swallowed hard at the mention of his daughter. I know. You told me on the phone, remember? Its the only reason Im here. She has nothing to do with that bastard, and I want to keep it that way. He ruined us, so why would I throw her to the wolves too, Jase?

He didnt ruin me, and you seem to be doing fine.

Spencer almost laughed. He didnt know exactly when he had decided to cut out his own heart, but he was pretty sure the results werent fine .

The kitchen was the only bright room in the house, and the only room that didnt look somehow like a dungeon. His mothers doing. He went straight to the coffee pot and the cabinet over it that had always held at least one fresh can of Maxwell House. His brother stood close by, leaning against the countertop.

You arent throwing her to the wolves, youre ensuring her future. Hell, when was the last time you saw her? Jason waved an arm in frustration, then dropped it in defeat.

It doesnt matter. Spencer saw that he had put one too many scoops of coffee into the filter. He left it. The jolt of caffeine would be welcome. Clicking the brew button, he paused for a moment before turning back to Jason. He didnt want to have this conversation, but Jason wasnt letting go of it.