Darlene Miller - RV Chuckles and Chuckholes: The Confessions of Happy Campers

RV CHUCKLES
and
CHUCKHOLES
The
CONFESSIONS OF
HAPPY CAMPERS

DARLENE MILLER

RV CHUCKLES AND CHUCKHOLES-THE CONFESSIONS OF HAPPY CAMPERS

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the photocopy, recording, or any other means of informational storage or retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except for critical reviews. Inquiries should be addressed to Roving Pen Publishing, 230 Rainbow Drive, #13012, Livingston, Texas 77399-2030.

This book is written as a humorous and thoughtful commentary of the RV lifestyle. Sometimes solutions may be offered. The publisher and writer and contributors are not engaged in giving financial, or professional services. If you need legal or expert assistance, you need to get a competent professional. The author and publisher shall have neither the liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to loss or damage caused, or alleged to be caused, directly, by information contained in this book.

Many of the names and personal information have been changed so no one will be embarrassed.

RV Chuckles and Chuckholes-The Confessions of Happy Campers

Copyright 2005 Darlene Miller

1. Humor 2. Recreational Vehicle Living

Printed in USA

Dedicated to
all the RV friends
who gave me information to use in this book. Many names have been changed to prevent embarrassment.

A Special Dedication
to
my husband
Terry R. Miller
whose love of wanderlust equals mine. He has enabled me to travel and is a faithful companion and friend.

Chapter One

They Dont Understand Us

W e lived in a scheduled world and hardly saw each other. Terry went to work at 7 am while I went to work at 3 pm. As an engineer and writer of software and as a nurse, our lives were ordered by timetables and documents. Vacations were the only time we had to forget the clock. Even then, we had to spend days getting to our destination, with a few days at our vacation spot and then hurry back to our jobs.

We decided to take a leave of absence from our jobs and drive a pickup and slide-in camper to Alaska to try out the RV lifestyle.

My parents thought that we were too young to retire to RVing. They werent even retired yet. Others thought that it would be too expensive and we would be back to work in a couple of years. Wouldnt we miss all the conveniences of our home? Wouldnt we get lonely? How could you spend 24 hours a day and 7 days a week with your partner? What do you do all day? How do you get involved with other people?

This book answers these questions from my point of view and the stories of RV people I have met.

We joined the high tech gypsies, people with hitch-itch, people who spend their childrens inheritance, semi-affluent street people, snowbirds, and winter Texans.

In contrast to people who wake up to alarm clocks, start and stop work after whistles, and eat after hearing the dinner bell; we dont know what time it is.

We usually know if it is Monday or Tuesday but dont know if it is the fifth or sixth of the month.

Some people seem to think that we are lost and have never found our way home.

After a year away from our former home, the people from our bank asked if we had just returned from vacation.

I said that we were leaving for a trip to Texas when a friend asked, Are you packed yet? She does not understand that our clothes are in the closet. Our dishes and food are in the cupboards. Our medicines and cosmetics are in the bathroom. We pull in the slide, lift the jacks, disconnect from the water, electricity and sewer. We turn on the engine and go.

Things People Say That Prove They Dont Understand Us Rvers

When are you coming home? The last place we lived, before we became fulltimers, was Raleigh, North Carolina. Our friends from Raleigh ask that question. Most of my family live in Iowa. They ask when we are coming home. Our address is in Texas. Once they even put up Christmas stockings in the clubhouse with our names on them because they knew we were coming home for Christmas.

We did not make reservations. How did you know we would be here? I inquired.

Your son sent a package to you, the manager explained.

The first time that I heard the phrase Home is where you park it, was in a publication written by Kay Peterson. She is a founder of the Escapees RV Club. I like that phrase.

Wouldnt you like to sl a real bed? Where do they think we sleep?

After leaving a campground, the teenager took our pass and wished us a safe drive home. I wanted to tell her that I was already home but I didnt.

Things That You Never Tell Your Homebound Friends

I slept at Wal-mart last night. They will never understand how you spent over 100 thousand dollars on an RV and then park it overnight at Wal-mart.

Our RV sleeps eight. Why? So you can bring your four kids and stay for a week or two but my RV will never be the same again. You will have to step over someone to go to the bathroom. Their teenager will not understand that they have to rise at 7a.m. so I can make the bed into a table to serve breakfast.

Yes, you can take a shower now. Ill do the dishes later. They waste water. They dont understand that you have a six-gallon hot water heater.

Yes, it would be helpful if you make breakfast. They dont understand that you cant make coffee, toast, and microwave sausage at the same time that the air conditioning is on with a 20 or 30 amps circuit.

You run out of things to talk about to your homebound friends after a couple of days. They do not relate to your life style. They are still worried about what the neighbors will say.

After you have heard for the third time about their ills, their children, their clubs, and their jobs, it is time for you to move away from them.

Even my computer doesnt like the word RVing. It suggests that I want another word such as raving, riving, (what is a rive?) roving or ruining. Should I rev my motor as I rave about roving? That is too much.

Chapter Two

Moving Your RV

B efore you move your RV, there are certain things that you must do.

1. Put down the lid on the commode. You do not want to hear it fall. It is really advisable not to move with the black tank full.

2. Close the refrigerator door. We were sitting with Mary around the campfire when she told us the story of when the refrigerator door was not latched.

I was in a hurry as I put the chicken casserole into the refrigerator. We were on our way to a family reunion where we were going to show off our new RV. In a contruction zone, Pete made a sudden turn over a rough road. The refrigerator door opened. Out flew the casserole onto the floor. A ketchup bottle plopped upside down over the casserole contents. A dozen eggs was next to land on the floor Our poodle, Tootsie, was the only one who was happy. She had a feast.

We put Tootsie into the back of the pickup until we came to a rest stop to bathe her. (It did not seem fair that she was the first one to use our new shower/tub combination.) Pete scooped up the mess on the floor. Then we had the refrigerator and the floor to clean. I passed the mirror on the wall and could not help laughing at the sight of egg in my hair.

I wondered how many people used the rest stop area to shower in their RV.

After changing our clothes, we were on our way but we were an hour and a half late for the family reunion. Our contributions to the meal were hot dogs and potato chips which no one ate because they were eating dessert.

Marys eyes twinkled as she thought of the familys reaction. My in-laws thought we were crazy.

3. Be sure that your partner is on board. My husband actually left me once. We had stopped for fuel. I washed the windshield while Terry was putting fuel in the RV. I was returning the cleaning wand to the liquid container when I noticed the RV taking off without me. Fortunately, he did soon miss me, however, and returned for me.