Justin Racz - 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours

BOYFRIENDSWORSE
THAN
YOURS
BOYFRIENDSWORSE
THAN
YOURSJustin Racz BLOOMSBURY Copyright 2006 by Justin Racz All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address Bloomsbury Publishing, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010. Published by Bloomsbury Publishing, New York and London
Distributed to the trade by Holtzbrinck Publishers All papers used by Bloomsbury Publishing are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in well-managed forests. The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin. eISBN: 978-1-59691-883-2
First U.S. eISBN: 978-1-59691-883-2
First U.S.

Edition 2006 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 Designed by Justin Racz and Elizabeth Van Itallie
Printed in Singapore by Tien Wah Press To Julie, my girlfriend,
Betsy Lerner, my superagent,
and Mom
the women in my life. Contents He looks great on screen at low resolution, but in person... Hi!:) Relationships begin with a month-long e-courtship built on off-the-cuff IM's at work (showing one's funny side) and witty e-mails at night. You imagine what it would be like changing your last name to Wyszomierski. From his web cam, it looks suspiciously like a dorm room. Always has e-girlfriends going on the back burner. Always has e-girlfriends going on the back burner.

Did your second date end at 9:30 P.M.? It's likely he's got another at 10 P.M. Not hardcore, but goth light. No fang implants or capes. Just nail polish, army boots, and a closet full of black. Black on black. Gargoyles and purple velvet spruce up his studio apartment. You can share his makeup. You can share his makeup.

And it's not the cheap stuff; we're talking MAC, Laura Mercier, and Kiehl's. This is where he truly bares his dark side. Expect bondage, role-playing, candelabras, and crucifixes. Whether he cares for a cobra, Egyptian King lizard, or Bengal tiger, the large-pet owner silently begs for companionship, to be held, to be loved by another. Yet like his pets, he is not the most intimate of creatures. He wears his boa like a boa. "Pet my python?" Temperature-controlled, habitat-friendly, smells like a zoo. His favorite DVD is Barnyard Action Girls III: Into theWild. That's good if you liked Barnyard Action Girls II:Into Eden. There's no room in a relationship for a girlfriend and a python. His favorite DVD is Barnyard Action Girls III: Into theWild. That's good if you liked Barnyard Action Girls II:Into Eden. There's no room in a relationship for a girlfriend and a python.

Sooner or later one of you must go. And it's hard to kick out a snake. He's okay. Nothing special Jeans, pocket T, L.L. Bean plaid shirtor nothing. Someone to bring to family weddings so your aunt won't keep insinuating you're a lesbian. BFN can turn into HFN (Hubby for Now) and you end up on the wrong side of the 50/50 divorce rate statistic. You don't ever have to worry about this guy not returning your calls or standing you up. You don't ever have to worry about this guy not returning your calls or standing you up.

He always remembers to call. Every ten minutes. From the street across from your apartment. Where he can see you.