Justin Racz - 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours

JOBSWORSE
THAN
YOURSJustin Racz Copyright 2004 by Justin Racz All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews For information address Bloomsbury, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010. Published by Bloomsbury, New York and London
Distributed to the trade by Holtzbrinck Publishers All papers used by Bloomsbury are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in well-managed forests. The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Racz, Justin.
50 jobs worse than yours / by Justin Racz.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
eISBN: 978-1-59691-885-6
1.

OccupationsHumor. I. Title: Fifty jobs worse than yours. II. Title. PN6231.P74R33 2004
818'.5402dc22 2004011182 First U.S.

Edition 2004 9 10 8 Designed by Justin Racz and Elizabeth Van Itallie
Printed and bound in Singapore by Tien Wah Press For my mother and brother, the best. Job Listings 1. Sherpa 2. Afghani Travel Agent 3. "It's A Small World" Ride Operator 4. Chick Sexer 5.

Saddam Hussein Double 6. Fast Food Condiment Prep Cook 7. Telemarketer 8. Cheesecake Tin Quality Control 9. Mop Duty 10. Garbage Barge Skipper 11.

Roto-Rooterer Post-Finding Nemo 12. Rat Catcher 13. Data Entry 14. Telemarketing Scriptwriter 15. Spam Copywriter 16. B-List-Celebrity Assistant 17.

Nursing Home Entertainer 18. Midget Tossing Tossee 19. Stevie Starr: Regurgitator 20. Maggot Wrangler 21. Adult-Video-Store Clerk 22. Temp 24. Temp 24.

Gas Station Foodmart Night Manager 25. Shopping Cart Valet 26. Singing Line Cook 27. Domino Setter-Upper 28. Pizza Delivery 29. Driver's Ed Instructor 30.

Civil War Reenactor 31. Hazardous Materials Remover 32. NYC Taxi Driver 33. Torah Scribe 34. Tush Magazine Makeup Artist 35. Ratemyvomit.com Photo Editor 36.

Gravedigger 37. The Before Guy 38. Exorcist 39. Tiruwka (Eastern European Highway Escort) 40. NYPD Harbor Unit: Body Recovery Detail 41. Cosmetics Tester 42.

Thailand's Crocodile Hunter 43. Cellphone Salesperson 44. Little Boy Hand Model 45. Human Canvas 46. Office Plant-Watering Dude 47. Restaurant Bathroom Attendant 48.

Neuroscience Technician 49. Airport Security Screener 50. Substitute Teacher 51. Your Job Contents : Assist Mount Everest hikers with climbing, camp building, cooking, and schlepping. Base pay: $7 per day. International Sherpa celebrities include the late Babu Chhiri Sherpa of Takshindu and the attractive great but late Mrs. International Sherpa celebrities include the late Babu Chhiri Sherpa of Takshindu and the attractive great but late Mrs.

Pasang Lhama Sherpa of Surkye. (Both died on expeditions.) Get a natural high at 27,000 feet. Freeze to death at 28,000 feet. (One out of twenty Sherpas doesn't make it to the next hike.) Offer exciting vacation packages at deep discounts to tourists. Burka or chador for women; anything for men. 19,000 afghanis ($4) plus commission. Discounts on selected flights for friends and family. Discounts on selected flights for friends and family.

No blackout dates! Suggesting Americans sew Canadian flags onto their luggage and wear maple leaves. Escort children and parents into a motorized boat for an eleven-minute tour through the magical world of Disney: an international zip-a-dee-doo-dah spectacle featuring the sounds of the song the whole world sings. Training in amusement park safety and mechanical operation so as to prevent people from throwing themselves overboard. Employees, or "cast members" as Disney refers to them, can earn $ 10 an hour, but you have to work at the theme park for ten years first. Until then, $6.80. 30 percent employee discount on all 30-percent-overpriced, parent-gouging merchandise. The chorus: "It's a small world after all." Repeat 300 times a day x 7 hours a day x 5 days a week x 365 days a year. The chick sexer looks for a penis. The chick sexer looks for a penis.

All male chicks have one, but so do 15 percent of females. In addition, the sexer examines the chickens' cloaca, the common external opening for the digestive, urinary, and reproductive tracts. The sign of a good sexer is his or her ability to distinguish the sex of females with penises. It requires keen observation, concentration, and a steady hand.