Jen Lancaster - Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissists Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

Table of Contents

Jen Lancaster is wickedly funny,
refreshingly honest, and totally unapologetic.*

Raves for Bright Lights, Big Ass

Lessons weve learned from Jen Lancaster: Bitter is the new black; Target is the new Neimans; pit bulls and surly neighbors are the new Samanthas, Charlottes and Mirandas; and midday whiskey is always a good idea. Bright Lights, Big Ass is a bittersweet treat for anyone whos ever survived the big city.

Jennifer Weiner, author of The Guy Not Taken

Refreshing, hysterical, illuminating! From the title on, Bright Lights, Big Ass is an antihaute hoot. In a voice thats charming and snarky, hilarious and human, Jen Lancaster tells the ultraglamorous truth about real big-city living. And its better than anything on TV. Jen Lancaster does not teeter around on Manolo Blahniks or have lobster for breakfast. She eats pork chops and Lucky Charms. She dreams of shopping sprees at Target. She works temp jobs and spends too much time Googling things online. She wears footie pajamas. In other words, shes a lot like the rest of us. Thank God! And this wonderful, sweet, funny book proves once and for all that Carrie Bradshaw and her Sex and the City cronies are big fat liars. Of course. Of course they are.

Lori Jakiela, author of Miss New York Has Everything

Bright Lights, Big Ass is brightly crafted and big on laughs.

*Caprice Crane, author of Stupid and Contagious and Forget About It

Jen Lancaster may be one of the few authors around capable of writing her own sitcom; shes smart, wry, and never afraid to point out her own shortcomings while letting us into her uniquely funny world.

Melanie Lynne Hauser, author of Super Mom Saves the World

Jen Lancaster is the Holy Trinity of funny.

Nicole Del Sesto, author of All Encompassing Trip

After reading Bright Lights, Big Ass , Im convinced Jen Lancaster is the illegitimate love child of Nora Ephron and David Sedaris. Shes simply that greata genetic hybrid of two of Americas most-loved writers. In Bright Lights , Big Ass , Jen Lancaster gives the proverbial finger to the Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle, trading Barneys, Manolo Blahnik, and Bergdorf for her very own shopping Holy Trinity: Target, Trader Joes, and Ikea; allowing women everywhere to rejoice in their sixty-dollar Isaac Mizrahi Target coats.

Robert Rave, author of Conversations & Cosmopolitans: How to Give Your Mother a Hangover

"Jen Lancaster is like David Sedaris with pearls and a supercute handbag. Jennifer Coburn, author of The Queen Gene

"Part Seinfeld , part antidote to Sex and the City , Bright Lights, Big Ass is the must-read for anyone who has ever suffered through a regretfully torturous workout with her trainer, a run-in with irrational, perhaps psychotic neighbors, a long-winded, insipid telemarketer, or the black hole known as Ikea. (And really, isnt this everyone?) Nothing and no one is spared from Jen Lancasters acerbically sharp wit, as she gives voice to all of the things we wish we could say but dont. I defy you not to laugh out loud on nearly every page. Someone give this girl her own show already! That would be must-see TV.

Allison Winn Scotch, author of The Department of Lost and Found

Praise for Bitter Is the New Black

The woman is nothing if not spunky, and she does have her funny moments, particularly when sticking it to The Man.

The Washington Post

Carrie Bradshaw meets Barbara Ehrenreich in this memoir about white-collar unemployment after the dot-com bubble burst.

Kirkus Reviews

"Shes bitchy and sometimes plain old mean, but shes absolutely hilarious. Chicago Sun-Times

"Jen Lancasters confessions should be mandatory reading for the absurdly salaried young smart-arses around townAn honest, insightful, and ultimately feel-good handbook for what to do when ruin beckons.

Deborah Hope of The Australian

A classic story of comeuppance, written from real-life experience by the funniest new author from the blogosphere. A strong debut and a must-read for any American princess.

Jessica Cutler, author of The Washingtonienne

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Published by New American Library,
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First published by New American Library,
a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First Printing, May 2008

Copyright Jennifer Lancaster, 2008

All rights reserved REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

eISBN : 978-1-436-20489-7

1. Lancaster, Jen, 1967- 2. Authors, American21st centuryBiography. I. Title.
PS3612.A54748Z46 2008
813.6dc22
[B] 2007049710

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For Jennifer Coburn,
the queen (gene) of the good idea.

For Barbie, who opened the door
and shoved me through it.

And for everyone who
ever lived with a person on a diet...
I am deeply sorry.

AUTHORS NOTE

This is the true story of a fat, mean girl on a diet. For the sole purpose of relating this story, I had to compress a few time lines and alter some names and characteristics. But in case youre wondering, yes, I was that fat, I was that mean, and I did eat that much cheese. (And I thank you for not mentioning it.)

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

A WEIGHT WATCHERS AXIOM

Weight Watchers can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

A JEN LANCASTER AXIOM

PROLOGUE

TO: jen@jenlancaster.com
FROM : jennifer_coburn@home
SUBJECT: Bright Lights, Big Ass Idea

Dear Jen,

After having just finished writing my fifth novel, Im fresh out of ideas, but I have one for you.