Table of Contents
FOR MY HUSBANDMY TRUE OTHER HALF
half-orange (haf orinj) n., translation of the Spanish phrase mi media naranja , which means my half-orange; used to describe, in love, ones sweetheart, ones beautifully perfect other half.
PREFACE:
One Thing, Before You Plant... Are You Being Too Picky?
I just have to get one thing out there, because it is an emotional prerequisite to appreciating and successfully using this book. If you, in the last days, weeks, months, or years of your dating life, have asked yourself the following question: Am I being too picky? I have an answer for you: No.
No, no, no, no, no. Youre not being too picky!
Just because you want to be with someone you feel a real, true connection with does not mean youre being too picky. Just because you dont want to spend your time on dates with guys you dont find interesting or physically attractive or compelling or funny or smart or compatible in any way does not mean youre shallow or asking for too much. You know yourself better than anyone else, and you know what kind of connection you want. Youre allowed to want what you want. So stop listening to all the voices telling you otherwise.
I say this because if youre at all like me, youve probably heard every accusation in the book about why youre still single: You know what youre doing wrong? You need to give guys a chance. You have to widen the net. Theres no such thing as a perfect man. By this point, one of those voices might even be yours, saying, Well maybe, just maybe... its time to settle.
Believe me: Its not.
As far as Im concerned, you can never be too picky when it comes to finding the love of your life. If you want a real, true, magical, loving relationship, you can have it. Here, let me put it in perspective for you:
Youre allowed to be picky about the dessert you order (a ten-minute commitment), the movies you see (a two-hour commitment), the shoes you buy (a six-month commitment) and the jobs you take (a one-year commitment). So for goodness sake, shouldnt you be picky about the fifty-year commitment youre looking for?
This book is all about being picky. Youre allowed to want what you want, and you deserve to get it! And if you agree with that premise, then you will do just fine.
INTRODUCTION:
What Is Your Half-Orange?
Well, its your ideal partner, the person youre meant to share your life with. But its also a hope so optimistic that just knowing your other half is coming your way will change your life completely
Picture this: Lets say you visit a fortune teller, a woman famous for owning the worlds only crystal ball that predicts the future with 100 percent accuracy. Now, what if this woman told you that in your future, you do find the love that is meant for youan incredible, mind-blowing, magical, adoring, and life-altering love? What if she said that in, say, eight months, you were going to meet the perfect man for you?
Now, were talking about a guy who makes you laugh so hard it hurts. A guy whos so attractive, you feel lucky walking beside him. A guy who thinks youre smart, hip, hilarious and sexy as hell. A guy you could be stuck at the end of the DMV line with and still have fun. A guy who adores you and treats you like gold. A guy your friends love so much, they hug him as quickly as they hug you when you walk into a partythen tell you all night, I want a boyfriend like yours! How would you feel if you knew, with 100 percent certainty , that whether you socialized or not, whether you dated or not, whether your traveled or stayed in, that guy would just land on your doorstep at the end of those eight months?
Probably a sense of relief. Some giddy excitement. And most likely, it would give you a freedom and lightness to your step that youas a single woman who has been pounding the pavement for love with heavier and heavier stepshavent felt in a long time.
It would mean that now, as you exit that fortune tellers studio and walk back into the world, you can live up your last few months as a single woman! It would mean you could go out with the girls and relax instead of scanning the room every six seconds for a possible guy. It would mean you could hit the town with some cute not-the-marrying-type guys without putting pressure on yourself to move on and get serious. It would mean you could relax at home and watch reality show marathons without feeling guilty that youre wasting time that could be spent meeting a man. It would also mean you could take a big trip, start writing the novel about your life, or learn French in case that guy youre going to meet in eight months wants to whisk you off to Paris. The point is, your life would be a playground full of possibilities again.
Well, thats the feeling dating optimism can give you. Once you start using the powerfully optimistic techniques I will describe here for you, you will start to feel free and genuinely happy and not have a fear in the world about your future because you know its all going to work out. How do you know? Because youll be focusing your energies on what you want in such a powerful way, it will affect your body and the world around you, so that the only place that guy can come is straight to you. When youre happy in your own skin, someone who is right for you will be naturally drawn to you, just the way its supposed to be.
I wish I knew this sooner when I was single . God, I cringe when I think about the guys I pushed to like me, the dates I pushed to happen, the parties I waded through in desperation, asking all my girlfriends, Is anyone single here? and Have you seen any cute guys?
I remember once hounding my sister to arrange a set-up with her friend Rachels brother, who was mentioned to me in passing. (See Amy. See straw. See Amy grasping at straw.) Id call my sister every day asking, Did you talk to Rachel about her brother yet? Have you heard anything? Three weeks later, the brother passed on a message to Rachel, who told my sister, who delivered it to me. I hear shes a brunette, he moaned. I dont date brunettes.
I felt like a fool. Not only was I trying too hard, but I was doing it for a superficial jerk. The point is, that experience was not good for my self-esteem. I felt like a desperate single woman on the prowl, willing to do anything to find a partner. And though I never admitted it, my desire to find love was affecting every second of my life: I saw weekends out of the big city as time I should have spent in it trying to meet a man. I saw my friendships with married couples as wasted valuable time away from the singles crowd. And I saw the time I spent with my best gay friend and hairdresser Toddthe Will to my Graceas possible self-sabotage: If I wanted a relationship, why was I going for dinner every night with him?
Why is it , I wondered, that living life the way I want and finding a life partner are mutually exclusive? I didnt want to make a choice, and I didnt want to settle. I wanted it all! I wanted the life I had, and I wanted real, true love to go with it. Not just an average, Yeah, sure, I love him arrangement, but a deep, soul mate kind of love. A love that made me shine. A partner in crime. A real other half .
But I was losing hope . In fact, I remember the night I was ready to give up all of it when it came to dating in New York City.
It was a warm September night.Two dozen people were lined up outside the sushi restaurant across from my place; a flock of perfumed, giggling girls was clicking down the sidewalk in sync like toy soldiers; and the lounge on the corner opened its French doors to inhale the balmy air the way we all were. And as for me? I was about to meet Jason for a drink. Before I left my apartment, I told my married friend I was determined to make it work. Because my life, at the moment, needed a seriously big upper.
