Dorie Van Stone - No Place to Cry: The Hurt and Healing of Sexual Abuse

On Saturday, June 29, 1985, at about 1:30 in the afternoon an ambulance sped down Randolph Street. Lloyd and I were in Topeka, Kansas, visiting our son, Burney, and his wife. I watched the ambulance from their house.

I glanced up into the eyes of our daughter-in-law, Diana. I hope it's not for Lloyd, I said, only half seriously.

I'm sure it's not, she answered.

My husband had come to love jogging during the past several years. He was in good shape and enjoyed the relaxation and exercise. I was not worried, for he was not expected back for another half hour.

Earlier, he had come into the kitchen in his jogging shorts. Sweetie, I'll be back in a little while, and then we'll go out to eat.

He bent over and kissed me. I hugged him oncethen twice. After he walked out of the house, I went to the door.

Have a good run! I shouted.

He turned back to look at me and pointed his index finger to the sky. I will, honey! he called back.

Now we were waiting. An hour passed, and he did not return.

I decided to walk to the park and look for him. Surely he would be there, perhaps relaxing in the sun. But he was nowhere to be seen. Even then, I would not allow myself to consider what might have happened.

When I returned, we discussed what to do next. Though no one mentioned it, we could not get that ambulance out of our minds.

We hopped into the car and drove along the street still expecting to see him. Perhaps he had made a wrong turn or taken a walk along a side street.

We returned home bewildered. I asked Diana to phone the nearby hospital. As she listened to the voice at the other end, her face turned white and her hand shook. Dorie, they brought in an unidentified manthey think he was a runnerwe are to come immediately.

We drove to the hospital in silence. Surely, it would not be Lloyd. It can't be, Lord. No, it can't be.

When we arrived, a man wearing a hospital uniform met us. You stay here, he told me. Let your son come with me.

We waited for what seemed an eternity. Then Burney returned, his hands outstretched. Before he spoke I knew what had happened. Mother, he's gone.

No, it can't be!

Yes, Mom, he's home free.

Diana joined us as we wept in one another's arms. I felt as if I were dreaming. Lloyd had said he'd be home in time for us to go get something to eat.