Adiba Nelson - Aint That a Mother: Postpartum, Palsy, and Everything in Between

praise for

Aint That a Mother

The most honest, most hilarious, most unapologetic book about motherhood Ive ever read... Nelson is a survivor and a masterful storyteller. Her magnificent, unabashed voice and big heart will grab you from the very first page.

Deesha Philya w , author of the National Book Award finalist The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

A treasure-filled gold mine of a book... What a clear-eyed, wisdom-filled, heart-led, emotional journey in the shoes of this mama bear, this lover, this advocate, this mover, this passionate woman. Brava!

Denene Millne r , New York Times bestselling author of My Brown Baby: On the Joys and Challenges of Raising African American Ch ildren

Hilarious, fresh take on motherhood told through the lens of an Afro-Latina mama, whose fierce ambition takes her on a journey through heartache and the unexpected blessing of a beautiful baby girl.

Nefertiti Austi n , author of Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in A merica

Adiba Nelson is all of us. Navigating the intersections of life with sometimes nothing more than hope in one hand and grace in the other. Her authenticity leaps off the page as she expertly affirms for us that grief and joy and every emotion in between can coexist.

Tracey Michael Lewis-Giggett s , author of Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restor ation

How can a book about very difficult things be so funny? Adiba Nelson is a master storyteller, a wise truth-teller, and an all-around joy of a writer. Reading Aint That A Mother is akin to spending a week with your most warm, hilarious, kind friend.

Joanna Rakof f , international bestselling author of My Salinger Year and A Fortuna te Age

Adiba Nelson is powerfully funny, unflinchingly honest, and as self-assured as she is self-critical... As enthralling as a long conversation with an old friend, this book will make you feel seen, trusted, and less alone.

Emily Adria n , author of The Second Season

Adibas struggles and triumphs come to life on the page... This is a story of a woman taking her destiny into her own hands, finding worth, compassion, and love deep inside, and finally granting herself the fullness of life that she offers so completely to her daughter every day. Adiba is a role model for how to love.

Ashleigh Renar d , author of Swing

Glowing... Nelsons blunt honesty, humor, and constant inner voice are vivifying forces... Aint That a Mother is a forthright memoir-in-essays about parenting, growth, and love, even in the most uncertain of times.

Foreword R eviews

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Copyright 2022 by Adiba Nelson
E-book published in 2022 by Blackstone Publishing
Cover design by Alenka Vdovi Lin aschke
Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Trade e-book ISBN 978-1-7999-3224-6
Library e-book ISBN 978-1-7999-3223-9
Biography & Autobiography / Personal Memoir
CIP data for this book is available from the Library of Congress
Blackstone Publishing
31 Mistletoe Rd.
Ashland, OR 97520
www.BlackstonePublishing.com

To my mother:
If life is what you make it,
youve taught me how to make it beautiful.
My cup runneth over.

To my daughter:
You are and will forever be
my favorite-favorite...
and my why.
I am so glad you chose me.
Love you this much!

To Jacqueline:
You embodied the very essence of this book
Strength, tenacity, undying love for your son,
and facing every challenge head-on.
Aint that a mother?
You fought long and hard, prima.
Hasta la proxima vez, te quiero.

To Little Adiba:
We did it, baby girl.
We did it.
Step into the sunshine, boo.
Youre safe.

Introd uction

Im so glad youve decided to pick up this little ditty about some woman you may or may not know in real life! But my guess is that you do know this womanyou know me. Because in so many ways, I am you. Ive had the thoughts were not supposed to have as women and moms and daughters. Ive done the things were not supposed to do as women raised in the church, Black women, moms of daughters, women in general. And Ive lived. The difference between you and I is that I just decided to tell the whole freakin world about it. They didnt call me motormouth when I was a kid for not hing.

Ive also experienced some very real shit in this lifetime, and before you swan dive into what at times may feel like a cesspool of grief, let me tell you a little bit about what youre about to embark upon. Feel free to grab some Kleenex for tears, an extra pair of underwear in case you pee your pants laughing, and a glass of wine just because. In Aint That A Mother , you will come on a journey with me through the following life experi ences:

Postpartum Depr ession

Miscarriage /grief

Emotional abuse

Self-worth / self-love issues

P overty

Attempted s uicide

Infi delity

D ivorce

Sexual a ssault

Special needs parenting and all that comes w ith it

Its a lot, I know. But if you can go down this road with me, I can promise you theres not an alligator waiting to eat you at the end. Thats what I call the poor outcome I experience when I go down a road I knew I had no business going down. Were just going to take a sometimes less than stellar jaunt through my life. There will be moments that feel like the most delicious glass of Veuve Clicquot, and times that feel like a cocktail made up of nothing but Colt 45, Old English, and Mad Dog 2020. But however it feels, lets raise a glass to going down the road, on the journey to ours elves.

PSThere will also be a healthy dose of f-bombs , a couple of MFers, and definitely a handful of GDs. What can I say? Im a potty mouth and writing this book felt more like talking to my girlfriends than writing a good chunk of my life story. So, think of it more like were best buds swapping stories over wings and wine. Basically, we go together now.

PPSAlso, some names have been changed to protect ident ities.

Love you, byeeee eeeee!

The Bi g Bang

Founda tion.

Her chubby five-year -old fingers could barely fit around the bottle cap, but she worked every little ounce of muscle she had as she handed me my bottle of mocha-hued Cover Girl foundation. I dabbed it into place, watching my daughter watch me through the large vanity mirror. It reminded me of when I was a little, in any number of the New York City apartments Mom and I lived in, sitting on the lid of the toilet, watching my mom put her makeup on. I would look at my mom and often wonder how someone got to be so pretty. Long, thick, wavy black hair (that always seemed to feather itself) framed her face, with skin that was the same color as the caf con leche she would drink every morning, little beauty marks dotting her cheeks, and cheekbones that could cut glass. She grew up on the tiny island of Vieques, known for being just off the coast of Puerto Rico, its bioluminescent bays that literally glow at night, el coqu (the cutest, tiniest singing frog that serves as Puerto Ricos national animal), y las quenepas the sweetest, juiciest fleshiest little ball of fruit you will ever taste in your entire life. The sticky sweetness that runs down your chin and all the way up your arms to your elbows as you try to pry them out of their soft green skins will transport you to childhood joy. And yes, they do call Puerto Rico La Isla Bonita, pero trust me, youll go for the sandy beaches, but youll stay for the que nepas.