Cheryl Scruggs - I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage--and You Can Too

With humbleness we dedicate this book to our precious twin daughters, Brittany and Lauren. Thank you for always believing, even in the bleakest of times, for the restoration of our marriage and family. We cannot describe our gratitude for the forgiveness of the hurt we took you through. Thank you for loving Jesus and committing your lives to glorifying him. Your strength has spoken volumes to us and is a blessing beyond words. We love you more than you know.

Love, Mom and Dad

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

EPHESIANS 3:2021

Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

MATTHEW 19:26

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

PROVERBS 3:56

FOREWORD

A man I know was walking to his car after a golf tournament when he realized the remote trunk opener wouldnt work. Nor the automatic door locks. When he finally got in the car, he saw the fuel gauge reading empty, even though he had filled up less than twenty-four hours before. More frustrating yet, the engine would turn over but then immediately die.

After a tow truck delivered the disabled vehicle to the dealership, a mechanic came out to the man and told him the problem: a bad BCM.

Whats a BCM?

The basic control module. Its essentially the cars brain, and once it goes bad everything starts malfunctioning.

This man could have insisted on fixing the trunk, the door locks, the gas gauge, and any number of problemsbut those were merely the symptoms of an overall malfunction.

How often do we do the same with marriage? We focus on the symptoms:

We need to improve our communication.

We need to get better at handling conflict.

We need to show more appreciation for each other.

We need to have a more unified plan with the children.

We need to work harder at keeping the romance alive in our relationship.

We can spend a lifetime focusing on the symptoms, or we can replace the BCMthe basic control module. I believe the BCM for marriage is our spiritual motivation. And spiritual motivation is exactly what gave Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs the courage and desire to put their family back together.

From a biblical perspective, every decision I make, every word I utter, every thought I think, every movement I perform is to flow out of one holy motivation: reverence for God. Second Corinthians 5:9 tells us, So we make it our goal to please him. Not ourselves, but him. In case we miss this revolutionary call, Paul emphasizes it just a few verses later: Those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again (5:15).

Jeff Scruggs champions this motivation in the amazing story of his and Cheryls marriage restoration: This change of heart doesnt mean the feelings necessarily line up with reconciliation. It doesnt mean both spouses are in love and wanting to make it work. It means both spouses have turned their hearts and minds toward God and the desire to follow him, and are willing to let him lead the way.

I am humbled by the Scruggses willingness to bare their lives before us with such amazing vulnerability. There are some who will judge certain aspects of their story and lives, but out of the dross of their honesty emerges the gold of their testimony. This is an uncommonly powerful story of two people who eventually choose love over selfishness and family over foolishness. It is an immensely inspiring tale of how God can make everything new when we lay our sin, desires, and failures at his feet.

The Scruggses offer godly comfort to any married couple facing the normal, day-to-day challenges of married life, as well as those couples who are facing catastrophic marital challenges, such as an affair or divorce. The messageso true and so powerfulis this: Where there is God, there is hope. Where there is humility, there can be healing. Where there is love, hate stands no chance. And where there is faith, even a broken marriage can be reborn.

Gary Thomas

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORS

T his is a book about the end of a marriageabout betrayal, disappointment, anger, and wrestling with God. But its also about how we found a new definition of happily ever after.

Weve written this book to be as accurate as possible. Some names have been changed, but this is not a work of fiction. This is our story.

There is hope for any marriage. Working with married couples for the last eight years in both mentoring and counseling settings has only strengthened this conviction. Our story is intended to encourage, but it cant take the place of direct assistance. We do offer some excellent resources at the back of this book, so be sure to check those out and put them to good use.

Were well aware that some readers may find certain elements in our story offensive. Our intent is not to offend but to tell the truth, and our story cant convey how amazing God is if we cant first be honest about how human we truly are. Weve spent years studying the Bible and providing biblical marriage counseling, but we are not theologians or pastors. Were simply a committed couple who have chosen to share what God did for two ordinary individuals who hadnt given much thought to spiritual matters. The fact that youre reading this at all is evidence of his provision and his ability to reach anyone willing to listen.

God is redeeming and restoring marriages around the world. May your heart be moved to invite him in, that you may know a renewed and more joyous life. Our prayers are with you.

To him be the glory,

Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs

PROLOGUE

Cheryl
October 1999

D o you, Jeff, take Cheryl to be your wife, to love her, honor her, and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?

I looked into Jeffs eyes and held both of his trembling hands. He looked back at me, but neither of us could see very well for the tearsmine boldly streaming down my cheeks.

I do. Jeffs voice was low but strong. The words echoed in my mind. I do. I do.

The minister repeated the words, this time to me, and it was my turn to say it.

I do.

I meant it with every fiber of my being. I wanted to shout it to everyone within hearing distance, scrawl it on the walls, write it in the sky.

I do!

I glanced around me. The tiny chapel nestled in the Colorado mountains was awash with rainbow-hued sunlight streaming through stained-glass windows, as if God was personally pouring down his blessings on our little ceremony. I felt a chill run down my spine.

What token of your love do you offer?

Jeff and I watched as our twin daughters, eleven years old and sparkling in off-white dresses with matching shoes and tights, stepped forward to offer the minister our wedding bands. Brand-new rings, simple and elegant, perfect for our brand-new life.

With this ring, I thee wed. We repeated the words, mindful that wed said them before but knowing this time it was different. I could barely remember the ceremony seventeen years earlier when Id first promised to love, honor, and cherish Jeff. I didnt keep my promise. But this time I would. As Jeffs eyes locked on to mine, I knew he was thinking the same thing.