Monica Wofford - Make Difficult People Disappear: How to Deal with Stressful Behavior and Eliminate Conflict

Contents

Copyright 2012 by Monica Wofford. All rights reserved.

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Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Wofford, Monica, 1971

Make difficult people disappear : how to deal with stressful behavior and eliminate conflict / Monica Wofford.

p. cm.

ISBN: 978-1-118-27380-7 (cloth); ISBN: 978-1-118-28363-9 (ebk);

ISBN: 978-1-118-28457-5 (ebk); ISBN: 978-1-118-28732-3 (ebk)

1. Problem employees. 2. Supervision of employees. 3. Stress management. I. Title.

HF5549.5.E42W645 2012

650.1'3dc23

2011050800

Acknowledgments

After reading a book titled Make Difficult People Disappear , you might surmise that theres a great many difficult people in my world to thank for the inspiration. Quite the opposite is true. While the author of any book puts the actual pen to paper, it is always the multitude of friends, family, colleagues, clients and even strangers who influence the content. Life always provides the lessons that we cant begin to fabricate without our shared experiences and the wisdom gained from those times of triumph and turmoil.

There are many to thank for the examples theyve provided, experiences theyve enhanced, and guidance they so graciously added to this work. Although only a few are mentioned by name, many others of you know who you are. First and foremost, gratitude goes to those I might call my cheering section. They are the ones who noticed when I was being difficult and loved me or cheered me on anyway. Consistent doses of friendship and guidance were shared by Ron Karr, Terry Brock, Matt Holt, Imad Raad, Jeffrey Gitomer, Christine ONeil, Sabrina VanNess, Claire Evans, and Kathy Potts. Each team member at Hudson Booksellers and John Wiley & Sons, especially my talented and kind editors, Adrianna Johnson and her partner in crime Susan Moran, have provided unending guidance and thought-provoking feedback that always seemed to land in a way that conveyed respect and caused me to strive to be better. All of my training and coaching clients have inspired me to learn as much from them as perhaps they have from mewhether you have appeared on CSPAN, been president of a major theme park, run your own business, influenced the entire labor movement, led a nonprofit, sold insurance, actively led the Got Milk? campaign, controlled national air travel, measured the nations standards, provided pest control, or influenced every major software launch the world has ever seen. Each audience member and Contagious Conference participant has given me feedback that what we share makes a difference. Each family member has inspired me to better understand myself and otherswhether you have shared the humor of the Dr. Suess story I read at your wedding, reminded me of the difference between difficult and different, or given me reason to develop my own strength. The co-creators of the CORE Profile, Dr. Sherry Buffington and Gina Morgan, have become like an adopted Mom and Sis and have opened the door to a self-awareness and acceptance that I never thought possible, as well as inspired my actions of helping others become equally aware of who they are and the natural gifts, skills, and talents they possess. Past and present team members of Contagious Companies, particularly Janine, Frank, Bernice, and all of our coaches, remind me of the power of teamwork; and continue to give me the courage, conviction, and compassion to lead such a tremendous team of people, a gift Im grateful for daily.

While it also goes without saying that there have been some difficult people that I, too, have wanted to make disappear (without going to jail, mind you), Im grateful for the lessons they taught me that Ive now been able to share with you. What would happen if we were all grateful for the lessons in life that seemed difficult at the time? Perhaps our perspectives would, in fact, be different. If you agree with that conclusion after reading this book, I thank you for seeing the larger vision Ive tried to share. Thank you, dear reader, for embarking on a possible mind-set shift, for staying open to seeing others in a light you might not have considered before, and for sharing Make Difficult People Disappear with each and every person whom you believe it might make a difference forand not only for them, but also for the world in which we live.

Introduction

Difficult people... no one goes through life without dealing with a few. Maybe they are loved ones, family members, colleagues, or even bosses. Whoever they are, dealing with them is complicated at best. Accepting them doesnt make the problem go away, but physically removing them from your life might have serious legal consequences. So, whats the solution? First, lets take a look at the origins of difficult people.

Certainly the concept originated long before any present-day people arrived on the planet. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, some people saw others doing things that werent being done as they thought best, and they thought the others were wrong . Think of two cave dwellers arguing over how to build fire or make a wheel. Dont you think one of them got called wrong?