Bill Eddy - It’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

Praise for Its All Your Fault at Work

Bill Eddys model for high-conflict personalities has proved an invaluable aid when working with our toughest employee relations cases. His practical advice provides a very useful framework for recognizing and understanding different workplace personalities and developing the most effective approach to handling them.

KEITH EPSTEIN, senior workplace investigator, Intel Corporation

"In todays global economy, increased collaboration forces more complexity and turbulence upon us. In this environment, high-conflict personalities struggle more than ever to manage their extremes and maintain control of their relationships with others. As extreme behaviors proliferate, we are tasked with being more measured in our response. Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano offer an impressive practical tool for all of those caught in the dysfunctions of our modern workplace. Recommended to all global executives dealing with conflict and change!

GIUSEPPE CARELLA, managing director, Thunderbird School of Global Management

"Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano manage to combine their advanced knowledge and skills to produce practical and workable tips. Easy to read, understand, and usea really useful and helpful book.

PROFESSOR TANIA SOURDIN, director, Australian Centre for Justice Innovation, Monash University

Its All Your Fault at Work presents expertly crafted strategies and techniques for dealing with difficult people in the workplace, where it is not possible to ignore them or walk away. Here are clear, concise, commonsense interventions for managing a wide array of dysfunctional personality traits and personality disorders. This book transfers their knowledge to the real-life everyday work environmentoffering an important reference guide for all of us.

KARENLEE ROBINSON, MS, MHA, retired CEO, Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital

"Every employment manager should have this book within easy reach for help in reducing tensions and conflict with certain employeesthe ones nothing seems to work with, the employees Bill Eddy has identified as high-conflict people. The methods in this book are just the antidote for dealing with toxic workplace environments that these employees create.

DENNIS SHARP, president, Sharp Resolutions

"Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano provide a sturdy key to turn the lock on the door that had seemed, at the time, permanently stuck shut. They invite us to think about how to take an insurmountable pile of thorny, irrational issues and turn them into professionally astute moments of respectful action. The key has never turned without labour, but it has been made less effortful with their insights, options, and solutions.

COLLEEN DOYLEND, corporate learning and development specialist, Alberta Electric System Operator

"The authors real life examples help managers and employees grasp the key points in managing high-conflict personalities. Their tips are spot on in terms of what is happening now in the workplace.

TEDDI REILLY, MBA, vice president of Human Resources, D&K Engineering, Inc.; president, San Diego Human Resources Forum

"Bill Eddy has done it again! The MAD, BAD, RAD, and CARS acronyms are useful in remembering the simple, step-bystep approaches available to keep us sane in insane encounters. And, I love the emphasis on feed forward instead of feedback when communicating and how it ties into the workings of the brain. The humor woven into this serious topic creates a sense of hope and empowerment that something can be done to deal with these difficult behaviors and high conflict people. An invaluable tool to everyone in the workplace!

DR. DEBRA DUPREE, LMFT, President, Relationships at Work, Inc.

Using the methods outlined in this book, I have been able to engage and sustain manageable, long-term, mutually beneficial relationships with challenging customers. These effective techniques have wide application in the workplace.

DEBBIE JACKSON, CEO, ASI, a software design and computer network integration company

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information about the subject matters covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the authors nor publisher are rendering legal, mental health, medical, or other professional services, either directly or indirectly. If expert assistance, legal services, or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.

Copyright 2015 by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano

Unhooked Books, LLC

7701 E. Indian School Rd., Ste. F

Scottsdale, AZ 85251

www.unhookedbooks.com

ISBN: 978-1-936268-66-5

eISBN: 978-1-936268-67-2

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, scanned, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, or distributed in any printed or electronic form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

Names and identifying information of private individuals have been changed to preserve anonymity.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014956335

Cover design by Gordan Blazevic

Interior layout by Jeff Fuller, Shelfish.weebly.com

Edited by Catherine Broberg

Printed in the United States of America

Also by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano

New Ways for Work:

Personal Skills for Productive Relationships

Coaching Manual

Workbook

Also by Bill Eddy

Its All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything

BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email, and Social Media Meltdowns (2nd ed)

So, Whats Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes

Dont Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Managing High Conflict People in Court

New Ways for Families in Separation and Divorce:

Professional Guidebook

Parent Workbook

Collaborative Parent Workbook

Decision Skills Class Instructors Manual & Workbook

Pre-Mediation Coaching Manual & Workbook

Also by L. Georgi DiStefano

Paradigm Developmental Model of Treatment: A Clinical Guide for Counselors Working with Substance Abusers and the Chemically Dependent (Lead Author)

The Paradigm Developmental Model of Treatment: Group Topics

For Alice and Doris,
for being with each of us on this life journey.

A Note of Caution to the Reader

This book provides tips for dealing with people with high-conflict personalities anywhere. The information is intended to help you be more successful in all of your everyday interactions.

Knowledge is power. However, this information on high-conflict personalities can also be misused, which may inadvertently make your life more difficult. Therefore, we caution you not to publicly label anyone as high-conflict, not to tell people that you think they have high-conflict personalities, nor to use this information as a weapon in personal relationships. Before you go further, we ask that you make a commitment to use the information we present here with caution, compassion, and respect.