Table of Contents
Praise for Mediating High Conflict Disputes
A survival guide for anyone caught (personally or professionally) in the middle of a toxic conflict. Here are clear, concise tactics to help people who seem beyond helpand to save your own sanity.
AMANDA RIPLEY, author of High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and
How We Get Out. New York Times best-selling author and journalist
As a divorce attorney and mediator for more than 30 years, I have heard people say that it is impossible to mediate high conflict matters more times than I can count. With this book, Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax have upended that paradigm and have forever changed the face of mediation. This book is simply a MUST for every dispute resolution professional going forward and will be my go-to resource forevermore!
SUSAN GUTHRIE, Leading family law attorney, mediator and the
award-winning host of The Divorce & Beyond Podcast
It is great to see this practical and readable book that focuses on high conflict behaviors. This book will benefit all those involved in Alternative Dispute Resolution processes and the specific focus on mediation is timely and useful. The extensive, well-known and highly regarded work by Bill Eddy in relation to high conflict behaviors is well extended with an excellent collaboration with Michael Lomax.
Professor Tania Sourdin, Dean and Head of School,
University of Newcastle, Australia, Newcastle Law School
As a civil litigation mediator of 15 years and a committed student and practitioner of the High Conflict Institute method of negotiating and mediating with high conflict people (HCPs), I know its not enough to understand the HCP, we need tips and tools to effectively work with them. The challenge has always been what do I do when interest-based analysis fails? This book informs us. It is essential reading as it is the missing piece that takes us past Getting to Yes and gives us confidence that yes , we can work with those people when the issue is not the issuethe personality is the issue.
JOHN C. EDWARDS, J.D., mediator,
West Coast Resolution Group, San Diego CA
If I took all of the training, conferences, books and experience I have been exposed to and put them into an all-encompassing, organized, easy-to-read and practical resource I would have Mediating High Conflict Disputes. Bill and Michael have captured the essence of these disputes and how, as professionals, we can help clients work through them.
ELIZABETH A. HYDE, B.Ed., LL.B., LL.M., Acc. FM, FDRP PC
Mediator/Arbitrator/Parenting Coordinator/Trainer
It is an honor for me to recommend this book, Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax and to thank them for their extraordinary generosity for sharing their experience with the rest of the world in order to enable other professionals to deal successfully with HCPs. This book is an important and significant breakthrough made possible by creative thinking that combines multiple perspectives, the best in the world of therapy and the best world of law into the work of the mediator, who does not shy away from the challenge involved in working with high conflict disputes. These tools will greatly contribute to the work of mediators around the world, thus helping to reduce the amount of high conflicts disputes, prevent escalation, minimize the cumulative social harm, and in the long run will make the world a safer and more peaceful place.
MICHAL FEIN, leading family lawyer and mediator,
social activist and author of Inspiration, Structure and Default - A New Israeli Law Reduces Litigation in Family Conflicts by 45%Collaborative Rev. vol 18(2) (2019)
I have adapted and applied the structured methods outlined in Mediating High Conflict Disputes and have found the tools to be highly effective for long-term systemic change in the educational arena.
DENNIS DOYLE, PHD, education consultant;
retired school superintendent
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information about the subject matters covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the authors nor publisher are rendering legal, mental health or other professional services, either directly or indirectly. If expert assistance, legal services or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.
Copyright 2021 by Bill Eddy, Michael Lomax
All rights reserved
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to .
Cover design by Julian Len, The Missive
Interior Design by Jeffrey Fuller, Shelfish
ISBN (print): 978-1950057214
ISBN (ebook): 978-1950057573
Library of Congress Control Number: 2021937936
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement. Names and identifying information of private individuals have been changed to preserve anonymity.
This Trademark List sets out an illustrative, non-exhaustive list of trademarks or service marks owned by or conveyed to High Conflict Institute, LLC, in the United States of America and/or Australia: High Conflict Institute; HCI; BIFF Response; EAR Statement; New Ways for Mediation; New Ways for Work; 4 Big Skills.
Unhooked Media, 7701 E. Indian School Rd., Ste. F, Scottsdale, AZ 85251 www.unhookedmedia.com
Also by Bill Eddy
High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
Calming Upset People with EAR
So, Whats Your Proposal
Managing High Conflict People in Court
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns
BIFF for Co-Parent Communication
BIFF at Work
Why We Elect Narcissists & Sociopathsand How We Can Stop
Dating Radar
Hiring Radar
Its All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
Dont Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Its All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and other High-Conflict People
The Future of Family Court
Splitting America
New Ways for Families in Separation and Divorce:
Professional Guidebook
Parent Workbook
Collaborative Parent Workbook
Decision Skills Class Instructors Manual & Workbook
Pre-Mediation Coaching Manual & Workbook
Online Course Coaching Manual