Bennett Melville - The Big Book of Senior Moments: Humorous Jokes and Anecdotes as a Reminder That We All Forget

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Jane Sheppard

Print ISBN: 978-1-63450-361-7

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63450-941-1

To my friend Dan, in case he forgot all his help on this.

CONTENTS

Introduction

T he stereotype is hard to forget, and I say this with no sense of irony intended.

A guy of a certain age shuffles though the neighborhood every day around noon in his plaid Bermuda shorts and his bathrobe, singing Louie Louie to himself at high volume. Its a bit off-putting at first, but you get used to it. And you notice hes always got a beatific smile on his face.

He suffers from memory loss, the neighbors whisper.

First, its important to recognize the guy is smiling. Hes happy, if maybe a bit oddly dressed.

Im with him. I dont suffer from memory lossand those unfortunate mental burps seem to be happening to me with greater regularity these days. I actually enjoy it. I relish the opportunities forgetting gives me. Mental lapses give me a chance to look at things anew every day. And because I started having senior moments in my twenties, Ive had a fresh outlook on life for close to forever.

For years I thought it was musician Carlos Santana who said, Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. I held onto that because I took it as a positive message. Whether you like Santanas music or notand I dothe expression made sense to me because the guy is still genuinely rocking nearly fifty years after Woodstock. Hes been repeating history year in, year out. Was he thus condemned? I dont think so. Hes been enjoying it immensely, I would argue.

During that same period, I thought the opening lines of Steppenwolfs Born to Be Wild were, Kitchen waters running. Head out on the highway. I knew Id certainly head out if I had a leaky faucet driving me crazy.

But I have learned recently it was Spanish philosopher and essayist George Santayana who commented on forgetting the past and repeating it. And I learned only last year that the opening lines to the Steppenwolf classic were Get your motor runnin. Head out on the highway.

Oh.

For me, those were both something close to thirty-year senior moments. That says two things. First, we are all capable of senior moments, no matter how old or young we are. And second, and most important, that it really doesnt matter, because if something makes sense, you need nothing else to move ahead with confidence, even if others think youre a few cards short of a deck. Senior moments arrive un-beckoned at any time to anyone, no matter what age we are.

My advice is to simply roll with them and laugh at them. Embrace them. Surround yourself with friends who inhabit the same planet as you. Its fun.

Laugh and move on.

My older brother had a high school friend who once called him to get our home phone number. He had something important he needed to say, he told my brother over the phone. I once went to pick up a date and rang the doorbell. She wasnt there. I returned a half hour later and did the same thing again. She still wasnt there. I tried once more then I gave up. Later she called. How could you miss our date? she asked. I had the right address but the wrong street. End of romance.

In the past month alone I have:

Spent close to an hour looking for my glasses when they were resting comfortably on top of my head.

Poured coffee on my Cheerios.

Texted a friend to say I had lost my phone, then asked him to call so I could hear the ring and find it.

Completely blanked on why I had called someone the instant they picked up the phone.

Told someone a sizzling piece of local gossip then realized she was the person who told me in the first place.

Forgotten my twenty-year-old nieces name.

Drove off with a cup of Cumberland Farms coffee on the roof of my car.

I dont beat myself up about all this, though. As the poet Ogden Nash once said, You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

A recent study has shown that while the clich laughter is the best medicine might not be totally true, it certainly does help. Humor just might actually improve memory, the study found, by reducing damage caused by the stress hormone cortisol.

I look at my own shaky memory in a more pedestrian fashion. It allows me to watch reruns and think they are new. It gives me license to tell the same stories repeatedly without embarrassment. I can reread the same book multiple times, and still be surprised by the ending. My friends and acquaintances might come to think of me as a colossal bore, but Im having the time of my life. As a group of former teammates once had printed on a T-shirt, THE OLDER WE GET, THE BETTER WE WERE .

And thats what matters.

And the nice thing about memory loss is that the chances are were all going to be afflicted at some point and in some fashion. Its an equal opportunity and democratic affliction. All we have to do is just wait. It will happen, and if you are fortunate enough to be among those who are said to suffer from memory loss, consider yourself lucky.

Forgetting makes things real and challenging, and you can have great unexpected excitement without ever leaving home. It makes losing your keys an adventure. It kills time and makes the day go faster. I spent an entire afternoon recently looking for my car keys, which were in the ignition, where I had left them so I would know where they were. I killed a whole evening after dinner a week ago trying to remember the name of the television serious about the French foreign legion starring Buster Crabbe that I enjoyed as a kid. It was The French Foreign Legion . I might have drawn the connection earlier, but then what would I have done for the rest of the night?

Today, I can remember the lyrics to songs that were playing thirty years ago, even though I cant remember what I just walked into the kitchen to get.