Thomas Nelson - LOL-apalooza Jokes: More Than 444 Jokes for Kids

LOL-apalooza Jokes 2019 by Thomas Nelson All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson. Tommy Nelson is an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc. Tommy Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use.

For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com. Jokes provided by Tommy Marshall. Epub Edition June 2019 9781400216628 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Title: LOL-apalooza : more than 444 jokes for kids. Description: Nashville, Tennessee : Tommy Nelson, [2019] | Audience: Ages 6-10. | Identifiers: LCCN 2019005674 (print) | LCCN 2019011145 (ebook) | ISBN 9781400216628 (ebook) | ISBN 9781400214389 | ISBN 9781400214389(softcover :alk. paper) Subjects: LCSH: Wit and humor, Juvenile.

Classification: LCC PN6166 (ebook) | LCC PN6166 .L64 2019 (print) | DDC 818/.60208--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019005674 Printed in the United States of America 19 20 21 22 LSC 6 5 4 3 2 1 Mfr: LSC / Crawfordsville, IN / July 2019 / PO #9531486 Contents

Q: What was Noahs favorite fruit? A: Pears. Q: What do Kermit the Frog and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A: Their middle names. Q: What is something cats have that no other animal has? A: Kittens! Q: Why did King Arthur have a round table? A: So he couldnt be cornered. Q: Why is a car like an elephant? A: They both have trunks. Q: What card game do porcupines like the most? A: Poker. Q: What snack food do computers like the most? A: Chips. Q: What do bad stories and broken pencils have in common? A: Neither one has a point. Q: What meal do astronauts like the most? A: Launch. Q: What food do snowmen like the most? A: Ice Krispie treats. Q: What color do kittens like the most? A: PURRRRRple. Q: What dessert do kittens like the most? A: Mice cream. Q: Why is it usually windy in a soccer stadium? A: It is full of fans. Q: What type of precipitation do queens like the most? A: Reign! Q: What type of precipitation do kings like the most? A: Hail! I decided to quit my job as a baker. Really? Why? I wasnt making enough dough.

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Any idea what happened to the lightning? No. Why? Oh, never mind. It just struck me! Q: What dessert do math teachers like the most? A: Pi. Q: What amusement park ride do watches like the most? A: A merry-go-round. Q: What letter do pirates like the most? A: You think its the RRRR! But its really the C! Q: How many different cars did the apostles drive? A: They were actually all in one Accord. Q: When does a car stop being a car? A: When it turns into a garage. Q: What game do tornadoes love to play? A: Twister! Q: What do you call a dog that sneezes a lot? A: ACHOOwawa! Q: Where do bunnies go when they get married? A: On their bunnymoon! Q: Was Benjamin Franklin happy when he discovered electricity? A: No, he was shocked! Q: When is it a good idea to bring a pet skunk to school? A: When it is show-and-smell! Q: What is black and white and red all over? A: A newspaper. Q: What is black and white and red all over? A: A tomato wearing a tuxedo. Q: What is black and white and flies when you kick it? A: A soccer ball. What kind of lights did Noah put on the ark? I dont know.

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I got fired from my job as a butcher.

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I got fired from my job as a butcher.

Really? Why? I wasnt meating expectations. Q: What instrument do skeletons like to play? A: The tromBONE. Q: What do clouds wear under their blue jeans? A: Thunderpants. Q: What season does a math teacher like the most? A: SUMmer. Q: What do baseball teams and pancake cooks have in common? A: They both need a good batter! Q: Why did the fitness nut love light-years? A: Because theyre the same as regular years but with fewer calories. Q: Why are ducks good at math? A: They have their own QUACKulators! Q: When is a green textbook not a green textbook? A: When it is read! Q: What did the bear call the hiker in a sleeping bag? A: A burrito. Q: What key on the keyboard do astronauts like the most? A: The space bar! Q: Who pays for dinner when a duck and a cow go on a date? A: The duck! (She has the bill!) Q: What do grass and an elephant have in common? A: Theyre both green... except for the elephant. Q: What dessert do basketball players love the most? A: Cookies! (Because they can dunk them!) Q: What school subject do snakes like the most? A: HISStory. Q: Why did the birds fly south for the winter? A: The drive was going to take too long. Q: What drink do trees like the most? A: Root beer. Q: What does the cow say every December 25th? A: MOO-ey Christmas! Q: Why was the football coach hitting the soda machine? A: He wanted his quarter back. Q: Why did Tommy wear stilts to class? A: He wanted to be in high school. Q: Who did the monster bring to the dance? A: His GHOULfriend. Q: Why didnt the bald eagles make any plans? A: They liked to wing it. That bee cant seem to make up its mind. Really? Why? Because its a may-BEE.

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My friend said he didnt want to hang out because he had a pimple! So what? Well I just think thats a pore excuse! Q: What is the first thing you do when teaching elves to read? A: You start with the elf-a-bet. Q: What did the elephant say to his bride? A: I love you a ton. Q: Why did the music teacher get picked first for baseball? A: She had perfect pitch. Q: What did the farmer give his wife? A: Hogs and kisses. Q: What is salty, crunchy, and can fly? A: A rocket chip! Q: What do false teeth and stars have in common? A: They both come out at night. Q: Why was the fish so smart? A: It spent its whole life in a school. Q: Why is the frog always in a good mood? A: It eats whatever bugs it. Q: What time of day did God create Adam? A: A little before EVE-ning. Q: What do history teachers talk about at the high school reunion? A: The good old days. Q: What do bananas and gymnasts have in common? A: They can both do the splits. Q: What did George Washingtons dad say after he cut down the cherry tree? A: Nothing. He was stumped! Q: What is green when it flies through the air but red when it hits the ground? A: A watermelon. Q: Why are windows no good at poker? A: You can see right through them. Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall? A: He thought it was an EGGSellent idea. Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? A: He really enjoyed watching the leaves change color. Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty get ignored by the kings men? A.

They thought he was cracked! Q: Did you hear the joke about the broken pencil? A: Aaah, never mind. It was pointless. Q: Did you hear what happened at the laundromat yesterday? A: A half-dozen clothespins held up a bunch of shirts! Q: Did you hear about the angry leprechaun? A: He was short-tempered! Q: Did you hear the burrito singing? A: Actually, it was more of a wrap. Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping? A: His mom woke him up. Not all math puns are bad. No? No, just sum.

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When was meat first mentioned in the Bible? I dont know. When? When Noah took Ham onto the ark. Q: Did you hear about the basketball player who broke her left arm?