Thomas Nelson - Super-Funny ROFL Jokes: More Than 444 Jokes for Kids

Super-Funny ROFL Jokes 2019 by Thomas Nelson All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson. Tommy Nelson is an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc. Tommy Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use.

For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com. Jokes by Tommy Marshall. Epub Edition September 2019 9781400216659 Printed in the United States of America 19 20 21 22 23 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Mfr: LSC / Crawfordsville, Indiana / October 2019 / PO # 9553793 Contents

Q: Whats the only kind of shoes frogs will wear? A: Open-toad sandals. Q: What kind of car do missionaries love? A: Convertibles. Q: How many people can jump higher than a house? A: Almost all of them. Houses cant jump! Q: What is the worst nail to hammer? A: Your fingernail. Q: How do you make a really smart sandwich? A: Start with an honor roll. Q: What is a rabbits favorite kind of music? A: Hip hop. Q: What is a geologists favorite kind of music? A: Rock. Q: Whats the only kind of shoes mice will wear? A: Squeakers. Q: How did the dinosaur blow up the volcano? A: With dino-mite. Q: Where should you never take your dog shopping? A: The flea market. What did the dad tomato say when his kids were walking slowly? I dont know. What? Ketchup! Did you hear what the snowman said to his friend? No.

What? Do you smell carrots? Q: What kind of ant can knock over a person? A: An eleph-ant. Q: What did the octopus like on his peanut butter sandwich? A: Jellyfish. Q: How do snowmen serve their root beer? A: In frosted mugs. Q: What is the owls favorite subject in school? A: Owl-gebra. Q: What is the boat captains favorite candy? A: Life Savers. Q: What is the best snack to have at a scary movie? A: I scream. Q: Whats the only kind of shoes ninjas will wear? A: Sneakers. Q: What nut has no shell and tastes delicious? A: The dough-nut. Q: How do astronauts eat their dinners? A: On flying saucers. Q: Did you hear the play-by-play of the first Bible baseball game? A: In the big inning, Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. Q: What is the only tea the Founding Fathers would drink? A: Liber-tea. Q: What do whales chew on? A: Blubber gum. Q: What song do night owls like the least? A: You are my sunshine. Q: What animal was the first to play major league sports? A: The bat. Q: Which animal hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art? A: Pablo Pig-casso. Q: Which dinosaur had the biggest vocabulary? A: The the-saurus. Q: In what job can you make more money by driving your customers away? A: Taxi driver. Q: What cant walk but runs a lot? A: A faucet. Q: What runs all the time but cant go anywhere? A: A refrigerator. Q: Where do you find most young cows eating? A: The calf-eteria. Do you know the shortest person in the Bible? No. Who? Nehemiah (knee-high-miah).

Did you hear about the guy who stole four wheels off a cop car? No.

What happened? The police are working tire-lessly to catch him. Q: Where do storybooks hide when they are scared? A: Under their covers. Q: Why did Adam and Eve practice math? A: God had told them to be fruitful and multiply. Q: How do you find a bull that will let you ride it? A: Post a want ad on the bull-etin board. Q: Why did the alphabet get mad at its fifth letter? A: It was being a bull-e. Q: Why is it easy to fool a bull calf? A: Because it is still gulli-bull. Q: Why shouldnt you rip up a drawing of cattle? A: Because that is tear-a-bull. Q: Where do math teachers eat their lunches? A: At their times tables. Q: Why do so many bees go to Niagara Falls? A: For their honey-moon. Q: Where do lots of birds go on their honeymoon? A: The Canary Islands. Q: Where do lots of pencils go on their honeymoon? A: Pencil-vania. Q: Where do race car drivers go on their honeymoon? A: Mada-NASCAR. Q: Where do lots of sharks go on their honeymoon? A: Fin-land. Q: Where do lots of cows go on their honeymoon? A: Mooooo York City. Q: Where is a good place for a first date with a cow? A: The mooooo-vie theater! Q: Why did the cow cancel her first date? A: She wasnt in the mooooo-d to go out. Q: How do you share a bench with a cow? A: Just ask it to mooooo-ve over a little. Q: Where is the scariest place to swim? A: The Dead Sea. Q: Who is the greatest babysitter in the Bible? A: David. He rocked a giant to sleep. Q: Where is the best place to keep your crypto-currency? A: In the data bank. Q: Where do you take a sick horse? A: To the horse-pital. Did you hear about the praying mantis in my soup last night? No. What was it doing there? Saying grace.

Do you know the frequency at which laughter is painful? No.

What is it? One giggle-hurts. Q: Where do you take a sick puppy? A: To the dog-ter. Q: Where do all the sick whales go? A: Straight to the sturgeon. Q: Where do you take a sick rose? A: To the hos-petal. Q: Where do all the sick bees go? A: To the wasp-ital. Q: Why wouldnt the duck go to the doctor? A: She thought the doctor was a quack. Q: Where do all the sick fish go? A: The emergen-sea room. Q: Where do rabbits go right after they get married? A: On their bunny-moon. Q: Where do math teachers love to go in New York City? A: Times Square. Q: Where do movie stars love to go to get scared? A: Mali-boo. Q: Where do penguins keep their money? A: In the snow banks. Q: Where do shellfish go to borrow money fast? A: The prawnbroker. Q: Why did the clams stay away from the prawnbroker? A: They thought it was a shell corporation. Q: Where do sheep go to get trimmed? A: To their local baa-baa. Q: Where did the wolf go to try and get into the movies? A: Howl-ywood, of course! Q: Where did the whale store her makeup? A: In her octo-purse. Q: Where do fish sleep at night? A: In their water beds. Q: What do you call a Labrador mixed with a poodle that can do magic tricks? A: A labra-cadabra-doodle. Q: Why did the farmer teach her pig martial arts? A: She wanted a pork chop. Q: Why did the farmer send an elephant into his potato fields? A: He wanted mashed potatoes. Q: Which are the most religious birds in the wild? A: Birds of pray. What do you call it when police find a stolen bag one minute after the crime is reported? I dont know. What? A brief case.

Ive figured out my dream job. Really? What? Sleeping.

Q: What animal loves potato chips the most? A: The chip-munk. Q: Where do you usually find giant snails? A: Usually at the end of giants fingers. Q: Where at the mall do you find a lot of dogs? A: Most of them are in the barking lot. Q: How did Adam care for the garden? A: By weedin Eden. Q: What is the least used room at the morgue? A: The living room. Q: What do you get when you feed an angry dog ice cream? A: A brrrr-grrrr. Q: Where does a general keep his armies?